Why Is Listening The Best Career Tip Ever?
Do you listen well? And why do I think it’s the best career tip ever? Well, listening well is a great skill to have and will enhance almost every aspect of your career. And not a lot of people know that…or are good at it. Becoming good at listening could give you the edge you need to get ahead.
Have you ever thought that not speaking could be good for your career? I know, that is rich coming from me as I’ve spent a lifetime trying to get women voices heard at work. I still want you to Speak Up at every opportunity, but I also want to share with you the power of listening in developing your self.
Improving your listening skills will help you get ahead in your career. People who listen well tend to be very powerful in a group.
I want you to have that power.
Listening is critical to our everyday lives, work and home. It’s one of those things that most of us think we do well. The reality does not always match up to that belief.
Listening is Not Taught
Despite probably being told to listen, as in stop talking, many, many times during your school career, (OK, maybe not you, but I was…) very little attention is likely to have been paid to actually teaching you listening skills.
Did anyone ever talk to you about listening at school? Probably not. During our early years we don’t spend a lot of time learning how to listen well. It’s been estimated that 40% of the time in early school is spent learning how to read. We spend 35% on learning how to write. Approximately 25% is spent learning how to talk and virtually no time at all is spent on learning how to listen or communicate effectively. No wonder we occasionally need some help.
Ditch Bad Listening Habits & Listening Well
We all develop bad habits around listening, particularly in intimate relationships with family and friends. We assume we know what they are going to say next. Then we ‘hear’ what we expect to hear. I think we learn to speed listen in the same way we speed read. Have you ever had the same argument over and over when no one really listens to the other person, because you know what they are going to say. And they know what you are going to say in return and you both go round in inconclusive circles?
Or maybe you’ve spoken at length with a salesperson explaining what you are looking for, only to have them offer you something else? They have stopped listening once they think they have heard what you want and are mentally rehearsing their sales pitch for that product. Then they offer you something you don’t want and you walk away. Or worse, you actually buy it but never go back and never recommend them.
Extrapolate that to your career and a lot of people will not want to ‘buy’ into you. (I may have gone too far with that metaphor, but you know what I mean.)
Personality Listening and Your Best Career Tip
Another poor listening habit is sometimes called ‘personality listening’, when we make a judgement based on what the speaker looks and sounds like. We don’t give people our full attention if we conclude they are not worth our time. Women are judged more harshly in this regard, and women judge women harshly, too.
Conversely, we might listen attentively because someone’s appearance leads us to think what they say may be of use to us, or be in authority. Yes, a woman in a business-like jacket will still have more attention paid to her than someone in a floral frock. (Unless they know you are the CEO, obviously, then you can wear whatever you like).
Listening Well is Not Just Hearing Words
Listening is not just about interpreting the spoken words. A good listener reads the entire message presented to him or her. You may have heard of Professor Mehrabian? His work has been around for ages and I often quote him on courses. He found, that where emotions were concerned, ie not simply reading the news, that words actually counted for only 7% of the total message being believed. Yes, only 7%.
The tone and sound of the voice came in at 38%, with a huge 55% attributed to all the non verbal things that we receive like body language, posture, and the overall look. If the body language and facial expression does not match up with the words, the message is less likely to be believed. Body language overrides the words every time.
Career Coaching Women Online
That said, I coach a lot of women on line and I’m about to destroy my own argument here. I usually begin my career coaching sessions, by having the visuals on. After we’ve broken the ice (and they have seen my potato head,) and we’ve got to know each other a little, I turn off the video function and just settle in to listen.
It is hard work as I listen really intently. I listen to every voice inflection, and to the emotions behind the words. Yes, I do check out that I have heard correctly from time to time, but I don’t just parrot it back to them (as I was taught on my management training courses). Some amazingly powerful things have happened on these coaching sessions and yet I am not seeing their body language at all. I think it’s something to do with the darkness; I jokingly referred to it as being like a confessional box.
Not that I think of myself as a priest…well, not often.
Develop Your Best Career Tip – The Research
Just to show I’m not simply making stuff up here, (as if), here comes the research. Harvard Business School analysed data describing the behaviour of 3,492 participants in a development programme designed to help managers become better coaches. As part of this, their coaching skills were assessed by others in 360-degree assessments.
They identified those who were perceived as being the most effective listeners, the top 5%. Then they compared the best listeners to the average of all other people in the data set and identified the 20 items showing the largest significant difference.
Here are some of the behaviours that made the the top 5% outstanding listeners.
Good Listeners Do This
Not Keeping Quiet (Best Career Tip?)
Most of us think of being quiet when we think about being a good listener. However, interestingly Harvard Business Review’s study found this wasn’t necessarily the case. Obviously you can’t be the one doing all the talking. However, people perceived the best listeners to be those who asked questions now and again, helping the speaker to have insights about themselves.
Good listeners threw in the odd challenging question that helped them reach new conclusions about their topic. The very best conversations were active, in the sense that two people were involved. I think this also goes some way to defusing the power dynamic that can come into play when one person is silently listening to another, (unless you want that power dynamic to be evident – then play it up as much as you want, obviously).
Best Career Tip – Build Up the Other Person
The people rated as the best listeners were those that left the other person feeling better about themselves. They built up their self esteem. Admittedly this survey was about coaching experiences, but I think it speaks to all kinds of leadership. The old ‘Command and Control’ style of management is outdated and inefficient. It doesn’t develop staff and it’s out of step with today’s style of effective leader.
It’s not simply about being liked. You can’t base your career on never making unpopular decisions. I think being respected is great, but you don’t want to be feared. Confident leaders are not afraid to lift others as they rise.
Be that woman.
Good Listeners Aren’t ‘Win At All Costs’
If you want to improve your listening skills some ego has to be left behind. Being a good listener means letting other appropriately challenge some of your thinking, and listening to what is said. It’s not about creating a debating society where one person has to win and another loses.
This stag fighting type of mentality has been identified a being a particularly male trait by John Locke in his book Duels and Duets. Women have long been taught to behave like men if they want to progress their careers but some new examples of world leaders are now coming through who are smashing this old orthodoxy, (and the patriarchy, woo hoo!) Be one of them.
Good Listeners Tend to Make Suggestions
Obviously it’s not a best career tip ever without some consequences for us, some personal development. Good listening invariably included some feedback provided in a way others would accept and that opened up new paths to consider. This finding somewhat surprised the HBR, since it’s not uncommon to hear complaints that “So-and-so didn’t listen. He just jumped in and tried to solve the problem.” Again, this has been identified as a common attribute of men in language research.
Women tend to want to articulate problems as the act of speaking out loud allows them to formulate what they think. We don’t want men to jump in and tell us what to do. Perhaps what the data is telling us is that making suggestions is not itself the problem. It may be the skill with which those suggestions are made?
Another possibility is that we’re more likely to accept suggestions from people we already think are good listeners. Someone who is silent for the whole conversation and then jumps in with a suggestion may not be seen as credible. Someone who seems combative or critical and then tries to give advice may not be seen as trustworthy. It’s a tricky tightrope walk, which is why good listening is such a skill.
Why Listening Well Is Good For Your Career
In this world of fast and instant communication, it is even more of an asset to know how to listen. Good quality listening will mean you get better quality information which will save you time, and it will enhance your professional skills.
Good listeners become powerful people and powerful people become leaders and influencers. Listening is good for your career.
Gendered Communication
The more alert amongst you may have noticed that I’ve made a few references in this article to gendered communication. I couldn’t help myself; it’s my thing, some might say my obsession. Actually they’d be wrong – my obsession is having equality for women everywhere, and having more women in positions of influence and power. Not because I think we are better than men but because better decisions will result and it’s just the right thing to happen. The research shows that balanced teams also make more money… tell that to Trump.
In fact, I have a whole course on this very topic, looking at the actual research on how men and women talk differently, and what this means for women looking to progress their careers. It’s called Speak Up and is available right now as a download.
Hope you’ve enjoyed the best career tip ever. It’s entirely possible that I’ll be back with some more best career tips very soon!
Top photo by Christina @ wocintechchat.com on Unsplash
RenewYou, My Tried and Tested Career Booster!
RenewYou has helped thousands of women make positive and lasting change in their lives. I deliver it one-to-one as part of a bespoke coaching package for women looking to move into leadership, to progress their career, or who wish to be the absolute best version of themselves.
Posted on March 24th, 2025 by Jane
