Are you emotionally intelligent? I think it’s probably a quality possessed more by women than men, but I have no evidence to back that up other than my experiences. I also think it can be learned and that maybe girls are socialised to be more aware of the needs of others. And that this is not necessarily a bad thing, except when it means women get treated as second class because they don’t ape traditional male behaviours…
Academic Intelligence is Not Emotional Intelligence
We all know people who have masses of academic qualifications yet somehow just don’t get it right in the world of work. They are not easy people to be with and tend to misread situations. They say the wrong thing, upset people (often completely unintentionally) and therefore don’t always get as many opportunities as people who are emotionally intelligent.
Often they are clever but socially inept. Increasingly, emotional intelligence is being seen as desirable as academic qualifications in the world of work.
Daniel Goleman
Emotional Intelligence, or EQ as it is often known, is a relatively recent idea. EQ came to prominence with Daniel Goleman‘s book ‘Emotional Intelligence’. Emotional Intelligence is particularly relevant to organisational development and developing people. The EQ principles provide a new way to understand and assess people’s behaviours, management styles, attitudes, interpersonal skills, and potential.
One of the more attractive traits of EQ is that it helps to bring more compassion and humanity into our workplaces. EQ challenges the received wisdom that your value increases in relation to the amount of qualifications you possess. In Emotional Intelligence theory everyone is valued.
Are You Emotionally Intelligent?
The basic premise of Emotional Intelligence is that in order to be successful we need to be able to manage our own emotions. We also need to be aware and sensitive to those of others.
To be Emotionally Intelligent we need to:
- Understand ourselves, our goals, intentions, responses, and behaviour.
- Understand others, their feelings, and what makes them tick.
The Five Domains of Emotional Intelligence
Goleman identified the five ‘domains’ of EQ as:
- Knowing your emotions
- Managing your own emotions
- Motivating yourself
- Recognising and understanding other people’s emotions
- Managing relationships, ie. managing the emotions of others
How Did The Theory of Emotional Intelligence Evolve?
Emotional Intelligence embraces and draws from numerous other branches of behavioural, emotional and communications theories. Theories like Neuro-Linguistic Programming, Transactional Analysis, (this link will take you an article on T.A) and empathy.
By developing our Emotional Intelligence in these areas we can become more productive and successful. We can help others to be more productive and successful, too. Getting Emotional Intelligence right can also help reduce stress for individuals and even whole organisations.
If the principles of E.Q. are adopted it can help by decreasing conflict, improving our relationships and understanding, and increasing stability, continuity and harmony. It’s one reason why personal development training is so popular in enlightened organisations at times of change. It actually helps everyone.
An Exercise – Are You Emotionally Intelligent?
Try this simple exercise. How are you feeling right now? Are you cold? Hot? Warm? Are you Hungry? Full up? A bit peckish? Do you feeling anxious about something? Are you feeling relaxed? Do you feel blissfully happy? Or maybe you’re feeling a tad irritated?
Just jot down a couple of sentences about how you feel, beginning with ‘I am….’ You get the idea. Try and differentiate from how you feel physically from how you feel emotionally.
You’ll probably come up with quite a few and you may even surprise yourself. For example, you might realise that you are carrying around a bit of anger from this morning’s frustrating encounter trying to get a space in the car park. (Assuming you still go into your office). If you aren’t aware of it, that residual anger may be showing itself in other ways and you may be communicating a negative message unintentionally.
How Are Your Colleagues Feeling?
Now look at a colleague and apply the same exercise to them. How do you think they may be feeling? If you can tap into other’s people’s emotions you are better equipped to communicate with them
If you can spot that someone is very frustrated in a chore you may conclude this is not a good time to ask a favour. However, it may be a very good time to offer them a helping hand. You can choose to adapt your responses to be in harmony. And that creates a better working environment all round.
Top Photo Credit: Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash
If you’d like to check out your own emotional intelligence score try this link to The EQ Test in The Personality Lab
RenewYou, My Tried and Tested Career Booster!
RenewYou has helped thousands of women make positive and lasting change in their lives. I deliver it one-to-one as part of a bespoke coaching package for women looking to move into leadership, to progress their career, or who wish to be the absolute best version of themselves.
Posted on February 16th, 2023 by Jane
