Why Can’t You Say No?
Do you know why? Why can’t you say no? You’re not alone; it’s a common problem with us women. We’re socialised to be polite and accommodating. Saying no is something we usually have to learn, particularly at work.
Examples of Saying No
Think about your own workplace for a moment. You’re in the office and a voice comes over your shoulder asking you to do something for them. What’s your first thought?
Are you pleased that they’ve asked you?
Do you think it shows that they value your skills?
Is it someone senior, is this an honour to be asked?
Have you been waiting for this opportunity for ages?
If so, fabulous. Do it. Say yes, happily and willingly.
Do You Say Yes When You Want To Say No?
However, if your first thought is Why Can’t I Say No?, but you still say yes, then you’re in trouble.
The chances are that you’re often asked to do things that other people don’t want to do. That you are the ‘go to’ woman who can be relied upon to say yes. People may ask you even when they are able to easily do it themselves.
Other people have stopped valuing your time.
And they have stopped valuing your time because you have stopped valuing your time.
In fact, if you don’t value your time, you probably don’t value yourself as much as you should.
Is Your Internal Spam Selling You Short?
I have an exercise on RenewYou looking at the messages that we have internalised over the years. I call them spam messages because they pop in to our heads unbidden and unwelcome. We’ve read them almost before we’ve realised it. They clutter us up and crowd out all the stuff we do not want to read.
What are your spam messages? If you value your own time less than other people’s you will probably have some kind of spam message reinforcing that. You probably think it’s somehow selfish to put your own needs first from time to time.
You may think being assertive is unfeminine. Even unkind.
It’s not. You owe it to yourself to value yourself, to look after yourself.
Girls are particularly socialised to be pleasing and acquiescent. It’s a hard act to throw off. We’re rewarded subtly and unsubtly when we conform to expectations.
Well, we’re not girls any longer; we’re women. Grown up women with a meaningful life to lead.
Identify the spam messages that hold you back, and then make them work for you.
You are valuable. Your time IS important. You have huge potential. You are pretty wonderful. And the world needs a lot more wonderful women to own their wonderfulness.
You might also find it helpful to read Is Being Assertive Too Male?
RenewYou, My Tried and Tested Career Booster!
RenewYou has helped thousands of women make positive and lasting change in their lives. I deliver it one-to-one as part of a bespoke coaching package for women looking to move into leadership, to progress their career, or who wish to be the absolute best version of themselves.
Posted on March 3rd, 2022 by Jane
