Yes, I do have a thing about confidence and women. Or rather about very excellent women not realising just how excellent they are and this lack of self belief then holding them back. You can find loads of posts on confidence building exercises on this website.
I coach lots of senior women, some very high profile with media careers, that you would never believe had an issue with their own confidence. When I really get to the nitty gritty in my coaching of what is holding excellent women back from getting senior posts, confidence, or lack of, is always there, even in the most outwardly confident seeming women.
The causes are myriad and complicated, not least being in a world designed primarily for one gender, how we are socialised, unconscious biases etc…the list goes on. Whatever the cause the result is the same. Everyone tends to downplay the abilities of women, including us.
Perfection Is Not Perfect
One theme frequently emerges, us women trying to be perfect. We are often held back from progressing to senior posts because we think we have to know our current role inside out, upside down, before we even consider moving upwards. We have an innate belief that we must be really excellent in our current role before even thinking about the next. It’s so easy to get stuck in a ‘be perfect’ mindset. Then we stay too long in one job, not because we love it, but because we don’t think we’re quite ready for the next one.
Men, you won’t be surprised to learn are rarely troubled by this. They will apply if they meet only half the criteria. They have been socialised to have lots more self belief and confidence in their abilities. (See No More Boys and Girls)
A Career Coaching Question
Here’s a coaching question to ask yourself: Do you set yourself very high standards and then criticise yourself for failing to meet them?
You wouldn’t be atypical if you answered yes. I do it, too, sometimes.
One way of neutralising the impact is to a) be aware of it, and b) replacing the ‘I must be perfect’ critical thoughts with something like:
‘I am good enough and I learn on the job’.
Think Big, Then Think Bigger Again
As an experiment, check onto a job site now in your field. Look at roles one or two or even three levels above where you are.
Read the requirements for that role.
If you meet at least 50% of the requirements you are probably ready to start thinking about moving on up. Fill out an application form. Be bold. You are so much better than you think.
RenewYou, My Tried and Tested Career Booster!
RenewYou has helped thousands of women make positive and lasting change in their lives. I deliver it one-to-one as part of a bespoke coaching package for women looking to move into leadership, to progress their career, or who wish to be the absolute best version of themselves.
Posted on October 25th, 2021 by Jane
