A Coaching Exercise in How To Tell Your Story

In a previous post on how to tell your story, I described how we edit our own lives. Sometimes, we have given negative events a much bigger role in our past than they deserve. We’ve allowed them to become a powerful influence on our current lives. But we can change this.

What Women Think Of Themselves

Sometimes when working with groups of women I ask them to list 10 positive attributes about themselves. An awkward silence descends on the room. Tumbleweed blows across the prairie…

Some of them will manage three of four.

So then I ask them to list all the things they want to change. The things they don’t think are positive. I am deafened by the sound of pens hitting paper! The energy in the room rises as everyone sets to to put themselves down.

Why do we do that to ourselves? Well, I would say it’s years of conditioning on how women should behave. Generally we’ve never been encouraged to sing our own praises. Lots of people, women included, don’t like women who know their own worth. Yet, again generally speaking, this behaviour is tolerated, even encouraged, in men.

This then translates into us downplaying our achievements. There’s masses of research on it, much of which can be found in my Speak Up course. We all need to stop doing it. Easy to say but we if we want to get ahead at work we have to try. And what’s more, we have to stop dissing other women who can do it. Applaud them for having the confidence of knowing their own worth. Up the women!

Try This Exercise

This is an exercise I have used when coaching with all age groups. I first used it with young children who had been part of the care system, but I have found it’s just as helpful for adults.

Take a large sheet of paper and some pens. (You know how I love a bit of colouring in!) Start with your earliest memory and draw a box for every significant event in your life. Write the event in the box. You decide what is significant. It doesn’t have to be a big thing. If you remember it, it’s probably significant.

Tell Your Story With Your Memories

To illustrate, I have a very vivid memory of my brother being born at home. Well, it was January and a neighbour sent me to play in the garden – I was cold! It was a significant life event because I stopped being an only child at age 4 and a half.

Other examples of significant events in my life include leaving home to go to University. Or my first plane trip to the US, and my first experience of loss. The older you are the longer your list will be.

At this stage don’t worry about whether events are good or bad, just collect them. You may have several on the page and need more paper. Keep them in date order but wind about the page at will. It will take you some time. Sometimes people like to do this exercise as a winding river. The bends represent the changes.

Some years you may have several boxes of significance, and some will be relatively incident free.

After you’ve done this part of the exercise leave it for a while. The space can be hours or even days. Go off and do something else. When you return to it, look at it again with fresh eyes and check you’ve not left anything out. It’s amazing what a bit of space can do.

Pause a While

Now you have your life in front of you, or specifically your memory of your life. These are some of the building blocks of your life (some you won’t have remembered.)

Using the data you have collected try writing down a few paragraphs about yourself for use in the following circumstances. In all cases you must focus only on the positives.

Three How To Tell Your Story Scenarios

1) You are at a networking event and meet someone who you think could become a really good friend. They are bright and bubbly, and in the course of conversation they ask you to tell them about yourself. You say…..

2) You have been for an interview for a senior post and are at the ‘trial by sherry’ stage. A senior member of the board says you seem to be really strong personality (which is what they are looking for). She asks you where your resolve to succeed came from. You say….

3) You meet an old friend you haven’t seen for over ten years. They ask you what you’ve been up to for last ten years. Remembering you are focusing only on positives, you say….

This exercise is not about  putting on a false face, a mask. It’s about being conscious of the image you choose to present to the world. We all edit our past- just make sure your good bits haven’t ended up on the cutting room floor!

Newsflash – Coaching for Charity!

I am offering coaching sessions, one off, for an hour. On any topic. You don’t pay me but make a donation to either of two charities I am passionate about. I’m suggesting about £50 (way below what you’d normally pay) but what you give is entirely up to you. Every single penny is going to charity. Two special charities in particular – see below). The money doesn’t come to me but direct to the charities through a Just Giving page..

My husband has Parkinsons’s Disease. If you a regular newsletter reader you’ll know that we’ve had a tricky few years. (I am rarely understated but I am here… It’s been hell.) A constant source of support has been The Firefighters Charity. I just can’t tell you how wonderful they are and if I tried I’d probably start blubbing everywhere. None of us want that…

Equally, over the last few months I have come to know the work of the wonder that is Parkinson’s UK. Amongst other things they invest in support for patients and research into this cruel disease. There is currently no cure. But I am optimistic that there will be! They just need a little help from their friends…

If you have ever thought coaching might be helpful now’s your time to try it out. I am offering a one hour virtual session at a suggested donation of £50. To take advantage of this just let me know you’re interested via email, jane@changingpeople.co.uk. No obligation. If you choose to go ahead, you’ll get a link to the two JustGiving Pages :The Firefighters Charity and Parkinson’s UK. Simply get in touch.

Top photo via Getty and Unsplash

RenewYou, My Tried and Tested Career Booster!

RenewYou has helped thousands of women make positive and lasting change in their lives. I deliver it one-to-one as part of a bespoke coaching package for women looking to move into leadership, to progress their career, or who wish to be the absolute best version of themselves.

Posted on August 19th, 2025 by Jane