Do you believe people can change? My whole career has been built on the principle that, yes, they can. It’s not easy but it happens all the time. And when it does it’s simply amazing to see women being their absolute best.
It is important to believe that it’s possible for you to change or you will be stuck with the same patterns of behaviour for ever. Which is fine, if it’s working for you but not so fine if you are feeling fed up and disgruntled with the hand life has dealt you.
Is It Time For You To Write Your Life Story?
When I worked with youngsters who had experienced trauma and loss in their short lives, we frequently made a life story book, looking at the significant events of their lives. Usually these kids had had no control over what happened to them and many of them had had experiences you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy.
The life story work had many purposes, but one was to help them understand that they could take back some control of their lives in the future and not see themselves as helpless victims of their past.
I use a version of this when I’m coaching (and no, I don’t make you write a book, I promise). It’s useful for me to begin coaching by taking a history (this is a throwback to my psychiatric social work). Plus, it’s so useful for the person being coached to take a long range look; it’s useful to me because it’s important I listen with some kind of context. The coachee (is that a word?) also has options about what they share and that can be really helpful in determining what we work on. Have you ever tried writing down your story as a personal development exercise?
Art You Feeling Stuck?
I often work with people who have had a difficult life by any standards. Sometimes all of us get stuck, feeling that we can’t throw our past off. Early experiences of life continue to haunt and inform everything we do. If this sounds like you, how much is it holding you back from living your best life?
Conversely, I have been privileged to work with some amazing people who have had equally devastating experiences but have been able to make a decision, often with help, not to let this ruin the rest of their lives, and to use it in a positive fashion. Their negative experiences have ultimately made them stronger.
There is no judgement implied her. We’re all unique and how we deal with our life is equally unique.
What Characterises a Survivor Mentality?
I wish I could give you a definitive answer to this; I think it boils down to choosing to take an attitude, and not allowing ourselves to become victims. I’m struck by this survivor mentality most forcibly when I read accounts of holocaust survivors. People who endured unimaginable tragedy yet went on to have amazing lives, made films, made music, wrote great literature. One such inspirational woman was Alice Herz-Sommer whose story I read in The Guardian newspaper back in 2006. She was 103 at the time and went on to live for another 7 years. Let me tell you something of her story. It’s inspiring.
Alice Herz-Sommer – An Amazing Survivor
Alice had endured the ghettos in Prague, lost her husband in Auschwitz along with many members of her family, yet when interviewed she showed no trace of bitterness. She became a gifted concert pianist and at 103 was still playing for several hours a day.
Alice said:
” I never spoke a word about it….I didn’t want my son to grow up with hatred in his heart…….my son had very good friends in Germany.
I had a twin sister – same mother, same father, same upbringing. She was extremely gifted but a terrible pessimist, but I was the contrary. This is the reason I am so old, even now, I am sure. I am looking for the nice things in life. I know about the bad things, but I only look for the good things.
Life is beautiful, extremely beautiful. And when you are old you appreciate it more. When you are older you think, you remember, you care and you appreciate. You are thankful for everything. For everything.”
To me she was the absolute embodiment of my favourite quote of all time, from a first century BC Stoic philosopher, Epictetus. In essence he said:
WE ARE NOT TOUCHED SO MUCH BY LIFE’S EVENTS, BUT BY THE VIEW WE CHOOSE TO TAKE OF THEM
Epictetus
Therein lies the underlying message of every self help book ever written. However rubbish things are, there are choices we can make. Change is possible. Believe in yourself.
You can read an article on Alice in full by clicking here
RenewYou, My Tried and Tested Career Booster!
RenewYou has helped thousands of women make positive and lasting change in their lives. I deliver it one-to-one as part of a bespoke coaching package for women looking to move into leadership, to progress their career, or who wish to be the absolute best version of themselves.
Posted on November 8th, 2021 by Jane
