Can women have career success and babies? Women are given so much gratuitous advice when it comes to being a parent, that I was initially loathe to address the topic of women, careers and babies. However, it is an issue that comes up regularly when I’m coaching professional women, so here are my career tips on the baby dilemma.
Full disclosure: I have two children both born in the days when maternity leave was not an option.
Career Success and Babies – Is It Possible?
There are so many things that I wish I could say in this post but… Sadly, the plain truth is that taking a career break to have a child will make a significant dent on a woman’s career. We know women still bear the brunt of care in all aspects, and carry the emotional load of arranging care. Women are generally the ones to work part time, take career breaks, get time off for appointments, work at home, etc. This quote from the Women’s Equality website explains:
The evidence is clear: it is women who suffer a pay penalty when they become mothers (fathers, incidentally, sometimes benefit from a pay bonus). It is often mothers penalised in the workplace, with fewer opportunities for progression. And it is usually mothers who, faced with the high costs of childcare, are locked out of the labour market or forced to downgrade their jobs for perceived flexibility.
Despite more enlightened attitudes, and legislation allowing shared parental leave, not a lot has really changed on the ground. Yes, there are women who become parents and still rise in their chosen careers but they are quite rare. I have coached hundreds of women about their careers and in the 30-40 age group the most common dilemma that comes up is – when is the right time to consider children and what impact will it have?
Make a Positive Choice re Parenthood
I am not, repeat not, telling you what to do re babies and careers. It’s a minefield depending on so many different factors: where you live, access to good child care, preferences as to what you actually want to do, and what involvement your partner has. There is no one right way, right time, right anything, in fact.
Career Success and Babies
What I do believe, very strongly, is that a radical rethink needs to take place re childcare. So much has been said and written and so little has been done. We all need for babies to keep on being born and we all need those babies to have good, secure care and love.
There could be many more alternatives than we currently have. Men could play a bigger part, and many want to. My own husband could only get 4 days paternity leave back in the early 80s, (it wasn’t called parental leave then) and he was mocked mercilessly by his colleagues for taking it. He was the first teacher in his school to do so and hardly anyone knew that there was this discretionary leave available.
Interestingly, when he later joined the Fire Service there was a much more family friendly vibe with colleagues swapping shifts so Dads could go to school plays, children being welcomed at social events, etc. Coincidentally, (or maybe not) my son in law, also a teacher, was the first male in his school to take 6 months parental leave in 2019. He had to face a lot of mystified questioning from colleagues, too.
Social Conditioning Affects Men and Women
We know that companies which take a serious approach to implementing gender equal/neutral, policies, find that all of their employees benefit. This is particularly true for parental leave policies. As with so many things both genders need to agitate for change. Men, or non child bearing partners, need time off to be good parents, too.
Of course, there are men who are not keen to get too involved, even if they have children, but you know what? There are women who feel like that, too. And there are lots of partners who want to be equally involved with parenting, or be the main care-giver. But they, too, have been subjected to the same societal pressures about ‘manliness’ and being providers.
Choose Your Employer Wisely
If parenthood is on your agenda, be very wise when choosing which company you work for. When making a decision about where to work it is vital to explore what family friendly policies your putative employer operates. You will know, of course, that many companies have brilliant policies on paper but the culture of a workplace does not always live up to this. Ask around, make sure they walk the walk as well as simply talk it.
Some of the best workplaces for women are featured here on the UK’s Best Workplaces for Women website.
Expectations on Women
That said, currently the gender divide is still such that often the man is earning more and ‘society’ (that’ll be parents, relations, friends, neighbours, media…) still largely expects that women will stop working and rear the children. Those pressures can create an irresistible force. Stopping work for a few years may be absolutely the right thing for you to do, but it may not be.
Parenthood Needs to Be Part of Your Career Plan
So, my tip is well before you get to the baby or no baby stage, think through just what you want to do and then devise a realistic plan for it. If you are in a partnership, a full and frank discussion is needed about how you both take responsibility for this new family member, regardless of who actually gives birth to it. Do your research and plan your career moves accordingly. Once you find out that you are pregnant is not usually the best time to start having these discussions. Talk about it well before you think you need to. Hormones can play havoc with your thought processes.
Remember, whatever you decide is right for you, whatever that is, and don’t let the critics get to you.
RenewYou, My Tried and Tested Career Booster!
RenewYou has helped thousands of women make positive and lasting change in their lives. I deliver it one-to-one as part of a bespoke coaching package for women looking to move into leadership, to progress their career, or who wish to be the absolute best version of themselves.
Posted on February 9th, 2023 by Jane
