How To Say No
Someone asks you to do something and you are thinking ‘No way, I don’t want to do that.’ And then you hear your voice saying “OK, yes”. You definitely need to know how to say no.
Has that happened to you? Do you know how to say no? Or does it make you feel so uncomfortable that you’d rather say yes to something you don’t want to do?
You’re not alone if so. We all do it from time to time and sometimes it’s good to put other people first and be the helpful person.
And sometimes it’s not. It’s definitely not.
Sometimes being the woman who always picks up the slack is not a good thing to do career-wise. It’s hard because women have been socialised for centuries to be ‘nice’. But saying no doesn’t necessarily mean being not nice!
Identify Why You’re a Gal Who Can’t Say No
I’ve written before about this (see here Why You Can’t Say No – Identify Your Why? But if you haven’t got the time to read that, answer this question.
Why do you think someone else’s time is more valuable than yours?
In this post I’m going to share some of the actual techniques for saying no. Just learn the steps then practice.
How To Say No? Say Yes
I know, that does sound like I’ve lost the plot but stay with me. This really only works if it’s something that you do want to do but can’t at this point in time.
Try saying, ‘I’d love to but can’t right now. Can you ask me again in a few weeks when I’m less busy? Or, ‘I really want to do it and I want to do it properly, which I can’t at the moment. If it can wait for a month I’ll gladly oblige’.
Get Your NO in First
We all know people who make demands of us. One ‘trick’ is to get your riposte in first and defer the question. Tell them how busy you are before they make an actual request. You might say something like ‘I’m glad we’ve had this opportunity to talk now as my diary is full for the next month – I can’t fit in another thing’.
Or, ‘I just have five minutes to talk as I’m so madly busy‘. You can give this added impact by standing up if you’re seated (preferably clutching a sheaf of important looking documents…).
Keep Your Diary Up To Date
To be able to say no and be genuine you need to know why you can’t say yes. Sometimes we end up saying yes because we can’t think of a reason. We just have a nagging doubt that we shouldn’t. Then we check our diaries and realise that we have over committed ourselves.
Try and know what commitments you have, social or work, then you’ll be ready with a genuine response.Keep your electronic diary open and look at it before you say anything, or ostentatiously consult your filofax (Does anyone still use proper paper diaries? Yes, me).
Don’t Keep Apologising
I think it’s fine to start with ‘I’m sorry but… as you are really saying ‘I’m sorry I can’t help you on this occasion’. However, if you pepper your conversation with apologies you’ll begin to sound like you really could do it and don’t have a right to say no. You will be putting yourself in an inferior position.
The tone of your voice is important too, as well as eye contact and body language. Speak clearly and firmly – you don’t have to be aggressive but neither you should be passive. Being assertive is not being rude, it’s being true to yourself, and showing respect for both yourself and the other person.
Practice Saying No Slowly
Like any new skill it takes practice. Don’t leap in with someone you find most difficult to turn down. That’s like jumping in the deep end of a pool when you’re only at the paddling stage. You’ll be very fed up afterwards as you’ll probably sink…
Instead try saying no when the stakes aren’t high. If the issue persists bring it up with your manager. Ask about support and training in assertiveness or time management techniques. And don’t take no for an answer…
N.B All of my photos come from Unsplash, a professional service I pay for.
RenewYou, My Tried and Tested Career Booster!
RenewYou has helped thousands of women make positive and lasting change in their lives. I deliver it one-to-one as part of a bespoke coaching package for women looking to move into leadership, to progress their career, or who wish to be the absolute best version of themselves.
Posted on September 5th, 2023 by Jane
