Networking for women. Is it really any different to general networking? Well, my coaching clients would seem to suggest that it is.
How do you feel about networking? Has the very word ‘networking’ made you shudder as if you’ve just stepped on something unpleasant? You are not alone if so, as that is often the response I get when I mention it during coaching sessions. I haven’t always been keen on it myself in all honesty, until I discovered a way to make it work for me.
Network, Network and Network a Bit More
Networking is an important element of career success, which is why it’s my one of my top ten career tips for women, yet many women recoil from the very idea of it. Is that you?
This is what many women seem to think networking is about:
- Talking about yourself all evening
- Having to have something to promote (i.e. yourself)
- Being ‘pushy’
- Spending precious evening time at boring events with a warm glass of wine or cheap juice in hand when you’d rather be somewhere else
- Making yourself vulnerable by exposing too much of yourself (this is a legitimate concern where social media is concerned and I’ll cover it in this post.)
- Perpetuating the Old Boys’ Network which leads to lack of diversity.
The Old Boys’ Network
Let’s tackle that last point first. Yes, there is no doubt that an old boys’ network exists in the UK and US, composed primarily of white men. Just Google the UK Cabinets of the last few years and you will see a depressing homogeneity. Same or similar schools, same class, same colour, same haunts, same history, blah blah.
I am not suggesting we replicate that. I find it as abhorrent as you do.
So, we don’t want to replicate the old boy’s network but we do want to have more good women out there in the world. And the plain truth is, it doesn’t matter how good you are at your job or business – if people don’t know about you, you won’t progress.
It is no good being good if no one knows that you are good
But Jane, I hear you cry, you just said that networking isn’t talking about yourself all evening? True, I did. It isn’t, but it is about letting people know who you are so you are on their radar when something comes up. Keep reading, there is a way to do it and be true to yourself.
Harvey J Coleman and PIE – Performance, Exposure and Image.
It is no good being good at what you do if no one knows who you are and how to find you. Here’s an interesting fact – the quality of your actual work in terms of getting ahead (according to Harvey J Coleman), is worth about 10% of the overall package.
The image you present, how you look and how people perceive you, is worth another 30%.
60% of how well people got on was about whether people knew about you. 60%!
No One Cares About Your Career as Much as You
It seems self evident but bears repeating. No one cares about your career as much as you do. This is the leitmotif running through my DreamBig book. Too many women I have spoken with about their careers and business believe that working hard and doing a job well will bring its own rewards.
Someone will notice and surely if there is any justice in the world, they will be rewarded for their loyalty and good work, whether monetarily or in other ways.
Well, we know the world is not fair, and we also know that is particularly not fair for women at work. Working hard and working well is not a guarantee of career success, especially for women. (That’s what Speak Up is all about, succeeding at work in a world designed by men for men into which we try to fit ourselves.)
Not networking for men has career consequences, too. However, I’d suggest, it has even greater consequences for women because we are trying to combat some unconscious – and conscious- bias against promoting women. (See here for a pithy post on what unconscious bias.)
Networking Tips
I’ve already told you I was a reluctant networker, although that didn’t stop me attending a few events giving advice on how to do it. I’m sure you’ve been to them, too. Most of them, seem to me to be based very much on the male style of communication.
For many reasons men and women communicate differently, it may be socialisation, it may be nature (but I adhere much more to the former notion.) Most businesses still operate on the more male way of communication.
Many of the books on this topic have been written by women (and I probably have most of them), because it affects us most, but I’ve come across one written by a chap, called Duals and Duets. The title gives it away. Men, he says, like to duel, are taught to converse in an adversarial style. Women prefer a more duetting style, taking turns, making connections (I cover how to manage this in SpeakUp).
Lots of those networkings seminars were about how to introduce yourself, your elevator pitch (even typing those words makes me feel like I’ve stepped on that awful something). I think that’s fine if you are a salesman because people expect you to be selling, but ugh, I hate being pitched to that like at an event, unless it’s clearly flagged as that kind of event. Do you like it?
I’ve been to networking for women seminars (ie telling women how to network) where a common piece of advice is to subvert this and ask “And how may I help you?” Words fail me on that one. I have no idea what to say when someone asks me that, usually a woman. I feel patronised, embarrassed, and flummoxed. What is an appropriate response to that sort of question?
Be True To Yourself
My main tip on networking is to just be normal, well, whatever normal is for you. When I meet someone at an event, after the preliminary exchange of names, I ask them what they do, where they do business, what they think of the event, how can we blag an extra glass of wine with no one spotting us, where did they get their amazing bag from (I only do this latter one if it is genuinely an amazing bag, by the way).
I am me. Anything else is false. I make a connection with my whole self, not just the bit of me that runs a business.
I try to listen more than I speak (although if I do get that extra glass of wine that may slip a bit…). Usually in return they ask me what I do and I can tell them as much as seems appropriate. If I am promoting something like a course, I tell them so and ask them if I can give them a leaflet or business card. If they look reluctant I never push anything on them. I try to treat people at networking events exactly as I like to be treated.
Show Up More Than Once
A second tip is that turning up once is usually not enough. Relationships take time. I don’t necessarily mean being in a physical place but making connections elsewhere, on social media, or with a follow up email.
On LinkedIn this week someone who belongs to a shared LinkedIn group, sent me a really nice private message saying she was missing connecting with people through meetings and wanted to say hi. I replied saying that I was fine, given the circumstances, how was she, and how was her work going? I felt that we made a genuine connection.
At no point were we selling ourselves in an uncomfortable or aggressive manner but she has lodged in my consciousness. I am not expecting work from her and she wasn’t looking for work from me. I will however pay attention to her posts and share them with my network on LinkedIn if appropriate. I imagine that she will do the same.
Social media is networking, too
As you can tell, I recommend LinkedIn as a good starting point: it ranks highly in search engines and you get to control what goes on your profile. Most employers these days will Google someone to find out as much as they can about them and an impressive LinkedIn profile that is congruent with your other social media profiles is a real asset. It’s a very professional site, not like some others, and well regarded by business people and major organisations alike.
The other thing about LinkedIn is that it rates highly on Google, excellent if you don’t have much of a profile, or a website of your own. When I first started using it I took some expert advice from a chap called Mark White and I definitely recommend his posts to you. Really helpful.
Keep your social media accounts professional, you don’t know who might Google you. If you want to share more personal stuff use a different name (not a false one but something to differentiate from your work one) and be careful who you allow to see it.
The message is clear, do not hide your light under a bushel, let it shine out and make connections. Be your wonderful own self.
RenewYou, My Tried and Tested Career Booster!
RenewYou has helped thousands of women make positive and lasting change in their lives. I deliver it one-to-one as part of a bespoke coaching package for women looking to move into leadership, to progress their career, or who wish to be the absolute best version of themselves.
Posted on November 12th, 2022 by Jane
