One of the qualities I value most in people is kindness. Kind people stay in your memory long after you’ve left them. (Unkind people do too, but for different reasons.)
Why is Kindness Under-Rated?
In my experience kindness is very under-rated in the world of work. It rarely features on any job description and people are not usually praised at their annual review for being kind. It probably comes under the heading of ‘soft skill’ that businesses tend to think of as an optional extra. If anything kindness is sometimes seen as a weakness. More machismo styles of leadership tend to get rated more highly. Yet there is little evidence that they produce better results in the long term.
Is Kindness Considered ‘just for the girls‘?
I’ve been involved in leadership training for many years. Some years ago when I was on my own management course most of the attributes that were being promoted were traditional male traits. Being aggressive was seen as powerful. Winning arguments was lauded. Being strong meant not backing down, holding your ground, even if you were wrong.
Slowly these attitudes are changing but the fact that kindness was seen as a more feminine trait, and the fact that female traits did not play a large role in forming new leaders, has meant that kindness has been largely overlooked as a desirable quality at work. I would argue that being kind is one of the best traits for a leader or manager to have.
A Kind Boss Can Make You Perform Better
An encounter with someone who has been kind can leave you with a smile on your face all day. A kindness can pick you up when you feel low, or help you learn something you were finding tricky, and generally leave you feeling better than before. Kind people tend to listen to others, to allow others to have a voice. When staff are listened to they feel respected. They feel as if they have a part to play and become more engaged. A kind boss can affect the whole culture of a team, leading to more team working, sharing of ideas, and a supportive environment that allows people to give of their best.
Can Kindness Save Lives?
The kindness of strangers has even saved lives. Do you remember the story about a young man who was attempting to kill himself and a kind stranger stopped and talked him out of it. The distressed young man wanted to find the stranger who had saved his life and eventually did so. Read the details here. It’s definitely a ‘warm glow’ story.
I am still basking in the warm glow of hearing of a kindness done by some council refuse collectors. It has elevated those workers in my estimation although they have no idea that I know what they’ve done, and they certainly didn’t do it for any recognition.
The Kindness of My Refuse Collectors
We have a neighbour who, it is fair to say is a tad obsessed with bins. Garden bins, waste bins, paper bins. Whatever type he is always organising them and ‘helping’ everyone in the street sort theirs out. He has Downs Syndrome and one of the plusses of his condition is that he is delightfully and unselfconsciously free with his love and hugs. He has no guile. Being his neighbour is joyous as even a simple task like hanging washing on the line can become an unexpected delight as he calls his greeting out over the fence. Usually it’s ‘I love you, Jane’ which always makes me smile. He is a kind man and always wants to help
Monday evenings is his busy time as he gets all the bins in the our small road sorted. It’s probably true to say that not everyone appreciates his efforts. I also suspect that his helping might actually make the tasks of the refuse collectors take a bit longer. Over time they have recognised what he’s doing and a few weeks ago gave him a special pair of protective gloves to wear. They told him he is the ‘special bin man’ for our road and a big help to them. I’m sure their job descriptions don’t allow for this. And let’s not even go to Health and Safety rules…although he is now allowed to put bins onto the vehicles.
Few people will know about this act of kindness. It is pure, unadulterated kindness. My neighbour is so chuffed to have a role helping, to being allowed to help. I swear he grows an inch or two taller every Tuesday morning. It is the best of kindnesses, and it warms the cockles of my heart.
So next time you feel a bit low yourself, do a kindness and spread it around. And remember, sometimes you are helping to create a kinder world by allowing someone to be kind to you. Being kind adds so much to life and its absence takes so much away. Kindness is so much more than the sum of its parts.
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Posted on July 6th, 2021 by Jane
