Women, Have You Got a Good Friend?
Does having a good friend at work make you feel better about your job?
In a survey commissioned by Gallop of what makes a great workplace, having a best friend at work came in at number 10 in the top 12!
I have always smiled at this as this was a survey of 80,000 managers, and management can be very lonely. I don’t have a gender breakdown for it but I know when I’m running my women’s courses that women are happy to admit to this fact. For senior women it can be extremely isolating as often there are fewer women in similar positions and they can find themselves carrying the flag for all women’s issues in an organisation.
Fight/Flight
I think women in particular may value friendships at work because of our unique responses to stress. Although we also have the surge of adrenalin that prepares us to run away or stand and fight, we also have a third coping mechanism when feeling under stress. Women release oxytocin, the ‘love hormone’ which is released after childbirth to promote bonding.
Women Need Friends
It seems women may have an actual physiological need for friendship. As workplaces can be very stressful places is it any wonder that friendships score highly!
Try and take a few moments out of your busy day to consider the following:
- Do you have a best friend at work?
- How important are your friendships to you in managing the stresses and strains of life?
- Are you paying enough attention to your friendships?
And please do share your answers with us!
Measure Your Stress
We all need a certain amount of stress to keep us on the ball, motivated and performing at a high level. Give me one task and a whole day to do it in and you’ll probably find me thinking about doing it at 4.30pm! But give me ten tasks and one day and I’m a dynamo – all is done by 4.30! And I know I’m not unusual in this.
Workplace Stress
Workplace stress, when out of balance however, is harmful to both performance and health. Two reasons why good firms take it seriously. It often creeps up on us without us noticing. Ten important projects to complete to a deadline can be energising but if they are joined by two more they might just tip the balance for us.
Or maybe we’re cruising along happily managing our ten tasks when our partner becomes ill. Suddenly the stress levels rise, particularly if we work in an environment where discussion of personal issues is not the norm and is seen as a weakness.
And simply being around other people who are very stressed can also be debilitating. It’s like a virus. If an organisation is undergoing change, for example, sickness levels often rise as the virus of stress and uncertainty spreads, even among those who know they are not affected!
Measure Your Stress
Workplace stress is something that comes up time and time again in coaching. What follows is a simple chart I use with clients to help them work out what is causing them to feel stressed.
Use it to identify your stress levels within your current job. Scores at the two ends of the scale will tell you if the job is not entirely satisfactory and you can begin to look at strategies for improving your life.
Take two coloured pens and in one colour mark a point on each of the scales that represents what is desirable for you. Using the other pen, mark the point that is the reality of your job at the moment. It should show you the areas where you might need some additional help.
Job is predictable & secure——————————————— Job is insecure
Too few demands ——————————————————– Too much to do
Tasks too easy ————————————————————Tasks too difficult
Environment too quiet—————————————————-Too noisy
No variety/bored———————————————————–Too many projects
Stuck at desk————————————————————- Too much travel
No progression————————————————————-Career fast track
Little or no influence——————————————————Too much responsibilty
Micro managed———————————————————— No management interest
No interest in job———————————————————–Work is all consuming
Completing this will focus your attention on what you find desirable in a job and what is stressful for you.Very few of us have our dream job, and even dream jobs have their moments! But the first step in tackling signs of stress within ourselves is awareness of what is causing our stress and this exercise will help you do that just. Let me know how you get on!
Recover Your Balance
Recover Your Balance is written by Ann Lewis, a leadership coach, and published by Bookshaker. It sells at £9.99 in the UK and $14.99 in the U.S.
It’s a great little book, easy to read in one sitting at just over 140 pages with a seven step plan to boost you back to full confidence! And it’s also great for dipping into any time you feel a bit overwhelmed. It’s a book to pick up when you’re feeling tired and worthless at work, when going to work is sapping and energy draining, when you’re feeling burnt out, or lacking in confidence about your abilities.
Bullying
Ann herself experienced bullying at work and she talks honestly and helpfully about the effect it had on her and her subsequent crisis of confidence.
Following an unsuccessful appeal, after which my Staff Council representative declared that he had never seen anyone quite so comprehensively stitched up, I spent the next few months trying to be absolutely perfect, an endeavour doomed to failure. My daily routine included vomiting every morning before I left home. Finally, after taking a couple of days leave, I returned to find that a part of my team’s work had been passed around…in an effort to demonstrate that I was failing. I resigned. For more than two years afterwards I simply didn’t believe that I was worthy of a well paid job with similar status to the one I had left. Page 4/5 of Recover Your Balance
This book is the result of her reflections and ruminations on that period, her extensive experience of coaching others in similar situations, and her recovery plan for minimising the effects and learning from the experience. It’s a blend of the practical and the more esoteric.
For example, Ann talks about energy states and the impact these have on our behaviour, and there is advice on using visualisations and creative imagery to relieve stress. In another chapter she gives some supremely practical advice about only keeping material relating to poor treatment at work as long as it is serving a purpose. If you are thinking about bringing a case of constructive dismissal for example, keep a record of everything. But if the incident is done and dusted, holding onto unpleasant and damaging material can be detrimental to your recovery! Sage advice.
True Stories
Scattered throughout the book are quotes from real people sharing their experiences of troubled times at work. These really help to bring the book to life. My only small criticism of the book is that I found some of the true life stories slightly repetitive, but then I read the book at one sitting. I’m sure if you were picking this book up occasionally you’d be glad of some of the repetition as a helpful reminder!
I think this a worthwhile book to have in your possession, or to encourage your firm to buy! It’s not preachy, but full of sensible advice, well referenced and not at all patronising – you can tell that Ann has been there and done it, and bounced back!
You can purchase Ann’s book at good bookshops, or order through Amazon, or visit the Recover Your Balance site
