Women, Avoid Martyrdom This Christmas!

How are you? How are you feeling right now? No really, how ARE you? How you doing?

I imagine that quite a few of you are feeling a tad stressed and overwhelmed with all you have to do, both at work and at home. It’s the time of year when our work home balance can get quite out of kilter.

If that feels like you right now take a few minutes to consider this:

Christmas will happen whatever.

Christmas is not simply one day-it’s a season. If it doesn’t go right one day there’s another on the way.

Most things will still be there on December 28th.

Time is man made. There is no law that says everything must be completed on time (except  tax-do your tax returns on time!)

Are you succumbing to the well known ‘I must be superwoman at work as well as making my own mince pies and knitting a witty cat blanket and still look gorgeous’ syndrome? It’s rife at this time of the year and very infectious. If you haven’t been inoculated you could be in danger.

If you’re getting caught up in the pressures that are heaped onto women’s heads at this time of year (by ourselves as well as others) take a moment to pause and reflect. Try giving yourself this mini cure.

The Cure for Martyrdom

What really matters to you and those you care about during this season? If you come up with the answer a beautiful magazine-photo-fit home and hand knitted mince pies then you’d better give that some priority.

But most of us won’t come up with that answer. Most of us will want a relaxing, argument-free time with people we care about, if we can manage it. If the cards don’t get posted on time, they’ll arrive late; the world won’t stop spinning on it’s axis.

Remember to take a break now and again. Recent research shows that people who practice mindfulness are particularly resistant to the blandishments of the ad industry, and frankly that’s what’s we’re talking about here. Being constantly bombarded with images of the perfect woman organising her perfect Christmas for her perfect family, while wafting clouds of Chanel and simpering Nigella like over the bread sauce are so not real! They are figmentsof the admen’s world.

Instead, let’s ‘channel’ Marje Simpson enjoy ourselves! Cheers, purple haired lady!

P.S. I think it might just be me with the cat blanket thing..substitute your own pointless activity.

Photo Credit: Steven J Sullivan

Do You Give Too Much?

If you’re feeling a bit drained and tired lately maybe you’ve let life get a bit out of balance? Perhaps you’re giving out a lot but not taking enough back in?

Women especially tend to be the caregivers in our society, looking after everyone else and sometimes forgetting to look after themselves in the process. As a big family occasion draws near in the Western world it could be a good time to take stock.

Your Giving Audit

Try this simple exercise adapted from one of my women’s courses, to see how your in/out balance is looking at the moment.

Take two coloured pens and a sheet of A4 paper. Draw two large circles, one in each colour to fill your page, which have an overlap in the middle (memory tells me we might be doing a Venn diagram here!)

In one circle write the names of all those you give support to, people you help, people you have some responsibility for, at work and at home. In the other do it in reverse, that is all those who support you and give you help, advice and care.

In the overlapping part of your circles put the names of those who fit both categories, i.e those you support and who support you in return. As you move the names into the overlap of your circles, cross off their names in the main part of your circles.

Now take a look at what is left.

Only you know if the balance is right. It’s not a straightforward equation in that we give merely to receive in return; there are lots of times in life when we give freely without expecting any return. But, if you are not getting enough support yourself, your pot of giving can become dry and you will find yourself getting tired, stressed, and burnt out. You need to look after yourself too.

And one final question to honestly ask of yourself:

Do I make it easy for others to give me help and support?

What’s Your Work/Home Balance?

A few weeks ago I was at a conference hosted by Pepsico, listening to one of their top women executives talking about the company’s philosophy on work life balance. I found it interesting.

For example, they don’t talk about work-life balance as work is part of life. Instead they refer to work/home balance, a much better description sending a subtle message.

Pepsico believes that workers contribute more at work when they are able to bring their whole selves to work. In the last few years they have introduced some very home friendly working practices which has had a huge impact on all staff, but particularly on women in their organisation.

Coaching Question

And one question they asked all employees at their annual appraisal is one I am sharing with you now as it’s such s good one. (Slightly paraphrased)

If you could set one goal in relation to your work/home balance what would it be, and what do you need from your employers to achieve it? Be clear and specific, and then be assertive and ask for it!

How do you manage your work/home balance?