Our past, our life history, is important. It has brought us where we are today.

But there are times when the view we hold of our past can hold us back from fully experiencing the present, from developing into the people we can be, from living life to the full and pro-actively shaping our future.

We cannot change our past. The good news, however, is that we can change the view we hold of our past.

I am not pretending this is an easy thing to do. If you have had a particularly difficult time it would be trite of me to say “try this exercise and magically all will be well”. Clearly that is nonsense.

Manage Your Past

What I know is, with care, attention, and support you can take some control of the impact your past has on you. People are extraordinarily resilient. You are extraordinarily resilient! If you need to, you can overcome your past!

In my career I have worked with both criminals and victims of crime, helping them both to overcome the difficulties of their past experiences to move forward in a positive way.

Similarly I’ve worked with women in abusive situations helping them find a way out and break the cycle. I’ve worked with children who found themselves part of the care system and carried enormous feelings of guilt with them. Understanding their past history was fundamental to helping them move on. Knowing their negative internalised messages and neutralising them really put them on the road to living a full and happy life.

The River of Your Life

There are lots of ways of looking at your past but what follows is an exercise that has worked well with my clients. Give yourself plenty of time and, depending on your unique circumstances,  choose a time when you feel strong enough to look at your past.

Take a large sheet of paper and some coloured crayons; the coloured crayons will stimulate your creativity and help your thinking.

If you can, in your mind’s eye, try and imagine your life as a meandering river. You know where it started but you don’t know where it will end. At times it has flowed over stony ground and been split into different directions, sometimes drought has almost stopped its flow, and other times it has been full and strong, overcoming all obstacles in its path. Allow your creativity free rein. If you want to put in little islands or hummocks or a jetty along the way, do. This is simply an aid to help you think.

As you draw your river, imagine that each bend and change in flow represents a significant event in your life. An early memory may be a new sibling, for example, or starting school, a move to a new neighbourhood. It’s a natural human tendency to focus on negative events – resist this! Try to include ALL the significant events of your life.

Spend some time on this so you get some good material to work with. Don’t try to rush ahead to the analysis stage. Take your time and allow your thoughts to wander a little if they need to. If you feel yourself getting upset simply notice the emotion. Don’t try and stop the feelings surfacing; they are an important part of this exercise. Instead, note them in some way.

Some bends in your river may bring a smile to your face. Make a note of that too!

Reflect

Keep on adding bends/chicanes/waterfalls/incised meanders/islands/jettys/moorings and drawing out your river until you have reached a point where you want to stop. Now look at what you have produced and ask yourself these questions:

• How have those bends and turns influenced me in my adult life?
• What practical effect have they had on my life to date?
• What emotional effect have they had?
• What is your view of those events? Good, bad, indifferent?
• If that view is negative, can you come up with an  alternative positive interpretation?
• What coping strategies have you used that have worked for you?
• What strengths have you gained from your life experiences?
• How do you want the rest of your river to flow?

Usually the impact of this exercise rolls out over a period of time. You will remember new bits to add to your river, have new thoughts, relive good and bad times. The purpose of this exercise is to take control of your past, to make it work for you, not against. It’s not about rubbishing or minimising what has happened in your life. It may be more about honouring it, giving it a place (but not too big a place). This applies to whatever your view of your past is

Live in the Present

Living in the past is no place to be. If your past is pulling you back, resolve to deal with it now. Get professional help if you need it, take space if you need it. Resolve to live in the now. And remember:

“We are not touched so much by life’s events themselves, but by the view we CHOOSE to take of them”
Epictetus.

You can always have control, don’t be a victim of your past!

So here we are in the dog days of summer, and in the UK at least a bank holiday week end is in the offing. Lost of people are on holiday, you get loads of ‘out of office’ replies, and no one seems to be around to do any meaningful work.

For those of us at work it can be a really dead time, or it can be a time you really make work for you! When you start on the road to achieving your dreams!

Dreams

The end  of August always feels like the end of the year for me – too long in the world of education I guess! September still feels like the start of a new term; all the excitement of new school clothes, bags, pencils, protractors (that dates me, who has those now?) and books full of blank pages to write upon!

Can you use this week to amaze yourself? To put something worthwhile on the next blank page in your book? Take the time to do something for you. To really think about what you want to achieve over the next few months?

In this relatively slack time, can you spare a moment to set yourself some goals this week, maybe one small thing to do each day that will stand you in good stead, and take you nearer where you want to be?

Unfulfilling Work

Maybe work is not fulfilling at the moment, but it pays the bills and it’s a tough economic climate so alternatives are thin on the ground. But now is a good time to take stock of what you really want to do with your life. And get prepared so that when the climate improves, as it will, you are ready to roll!

Love your job

Perhaps you love your work, whatever it is, and want to improve and progress. Where do you want to be? What opportunities might there be for you to progress? If not right now, when things improve? Can you gain some experience that will help? Do you need to sign up for an evening class? Get some mentoring? Shadow someone in the organisation? Join a networking group?

Retirement Dreams

Or maybe you have some long held dreams about what your retirement will be like? Have you done anything practical towards achieving those? Do you know what is possible? Have you shared your dreams with your ‘significant other’? Write down what it is you want and then use this week to take those first steps towards achieving it.

You Are Amazing!

Go on, amaze yourself! Make this week count. Don’t waste this time, take some control of your future now and plan to live the life you want!

“Oh great, this’ll be good for me!”

or

“Oh no, this will be terrible!”

Most of us tend towards the second response precisely because we have no control. But take a few moments now to think back over actual changes outside of your control, and what the outcomes for you were.

Was it all bad or have you benefited from unplanned changes in the past? Please do share.

Details about my change seminars are available by clicking here!