Who Is In Your Fan Club?
You will have supporters in life
and you will have detractors in life
and you will have couldn’t care much one way or the others in your life.
The ‘couldn’t care much one way or the others’ may help you if you ask them. They probably won’t do you any harm. You could get to know them better – find out what makes them tick and offer help and assistance to them. Who knows, in time they may join your supporters club.
The detractors may take up more of your time that necessary; we tend to get caught up with stuff like that when sometimes the best answer is just to let go. Decide that they won’t upset you and don’t respond. A waste of your energy.
Which leaves your supporters.
Do you know who your supporters are? Are you paying them enough attention? Are you supporting in return?
PHoto Credit: Duchessa
Who’s Holding You Back?
If you’ve decided the time is right to make some positive and lasting changes in your life, I salute you! It’s not easy and I hope you find some material on this site which will inspire and motivate you! That’s why I write it, after all.
Sadly, you will probably find that not everyone is supportive of your new outlook. It’s not usually because they are unkind people; in fact, it may be those closest to you who seem to be subtly undermining your efforts. And that’s because when you begin to change they can feel threatened.
Change is Good?
You are probably feeling great about having decided to make some positive life changes but for people close to us it can feel like a threat to the status quo. They may not even be aware of it on a conscious level but subconsciously they may be sabotaging your efforts, like offering the woman who wants to lose weight a cream cake!
Your decision to make changes in your life may be viewed as a criticism of what has gone before. They may feel they weren’t ‘good enough’ or that you have been unhappy and they didn’t realise.
Seek Support
You can avoid this by seeking their support early on. Ask them what they think of what you’re planning. Explain why you want to change. You can admit to feeling a bit unsure yourself and explain that their support is important to you. Involve them. Research also shows that women who tell people about their resolutions usually do better in achieving them!
Photo Credit: Pablonsky
Scourer or Soft Flannel?
Do you find you often turn to the same trusted advisers for advice? Have you ever thought about trying someone else?
I was engaging in one of my favourite activities the other day – lazing in a hot scented bath listening to the radio. I reached behind me to grab for what I expected to be a soft soapy flannel and, before I realised that it wasn’t, started rubbing it across my skin.
Well, that was a bit of a shock! Not the nice smooth strokes I had been expecting but a rude awakening! Somehow I’d got hold of the bath scourer and not my luxurious flannel.
Scourer Advice or Soft Flannel?
I wouldn’t recommend a bath scourer for a luxury time, although it did ‘refresh’ me and bring a new perspective to my bath time! The surprise attack of the bath scourer certainly interrupted my quiet reveries and woke me up. Which set me thinking, who are the soft flannels in your life? Have you got friends you regularly ask for advice because you know you will get a nice soft positive stroke? You know they will be supportive and could probably predict with 99% accuracy what they might say to you. There is nothing wrong with that, we all need it from time to time and supportive friends are worth their weight in gold..
But sometimes, a soft positive stroke is not what is required. Sometimes we may need the shock of the bath scourer to shake our complacency, to wake us up and make us think again.
So, if you wanted a really honest opinion from someone, no holds barred, who would you ask? Would you ask them? Who are your bath scourers? And do you use them enough…?
Thanksgiving Time!
Today is thanksgiving in US. I am not an American, (although my husband’s mother hailed from Boston so we have lots of family there and I’m an Americanophile) I love the idea of having a day to give thanks. I think we should grab every opportunity in life to celebrate the good stuff, because the bad stuff comes of its own accord.
I Am Thankful For…
So try out this short exercise. Just what are you thankful for, today, right now? My list could be very long but right at this moment I am thankful for:
- The fact that my family is healthy and well
- That my immediate family is loving, close and great fun
- That my brother’s widow has found a new man (Yeay to her!)
- That my husband just brought me a coffee and warms up my cold car before I go out in the morning (I know, I’m terribly spoilt!)
- That I have some of the best most supportive friends in the world
- That I have a job I love and am happy to wake up to
- That I have two very daft cats who think they are humans…
Of course, my life is not all wonderful all of the time (and how dull would that be? Everyone needs some light & shade), but today I am not going to focus on what isn’t working but on what is. Today is a good day to be thankful!
And to all my American friends and family, HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
Please do share all the reasons you have to be thankful and let’s generate a real page of positive thoughts!
Manage Yourself
It’s funny how themes seem to emerge when I’m coaching. Recently three different clients were experiencing very similar problems; a disinterested boss.
They weren’t being bullied, they loved their jobs, the pay was fine, the environment was fine. They simply had managers who took very little interest in what they did and in their development.
Survey
It’s not surprising it bothered them so much; a survey from Gallop revealed that having a manager who took an interest in, and regularly praised staff, was in the top ten factors for satisfaction with work.
My clients had partly solved their dilemma by investing in coaching (and one had persuaded her boss to pay, clever her!) but if that’s not an option what can you do?
Tips for Managing Yourself
You can’t rely on getting a good manager but if you’ve had one in the past, it helps to be specific about what made them good. Your list of requirements may be very different from someone else so just be honest about what you need.
- Is it support to do your job?
- Is it an ear to act as a soundboard for ideas?
- Is it to be stretched, developed and challenged?
- Is it to signpost you to further training?
- Is it to connect with other areas of your company, be kept in the loop?
- Do you need some validation or praise for your role?
Once you have specified for yourself what you are missing, think widely about your network and see if you can get these elements elsewhere in the organisation.
For example, if several of you feel the same, you might be able to set up a lunch time support group. Or maybe a professional group when each person takes turns to present a case/example/issue for discussion? This is a very good way to develop everyone!
Co-Coaching
Maybe co-coaching is the way to go? Find another person with a similar interest to you in their career, not necessarily someone you really like, (but respecting them is essential.)
Agree the aims and boundaries of your co-coaching arrangement. You may choose, for example, to meet for 45 minutes in a lunch hour. One of you has fifteen minutes to share your issue when all attention is focussed on the speaker (no sharing of anecdotes or butting in with your own experiences). The listener can speak but only to clarify her understanding of the issues.
The remaining 30 minutes are dedicated to looking at strategies to help the speaker. At the end of the session you should have a mini action plan for strategies to try with a date by which they will be done. the next session you swap roles.
Listen and Prepare
I use this type of partnership working on my training and it’s amazing how successful it can be. The key is to really listen and for the speaker to prepare beforehand, be honest and listen to the suggestions offered in return.
If you’ve tried this I”d love to know if it worked for you. And if you’ve any tips to share, let’s hear them!
P.S. If you’d like to discuss your own coaching options, you can simply call me on 01761 438749, no obligation, or use this link
