Unfortunately it’s really easy to make yourself fed up; it’ll creep up on you unawares and before you know it you’re succumbing to the grumpy stereotype and tutting indiscriminately. It requires a bit more effort to do the opposite. I am not about to advocate that you turn off the radio, TV, stop reading papers etc (although as a change that is temporarily refreshing) because I believe we should engage with the world and try to change things for the good, as much as we are able.

However, I do think we are in the midst of great change, change over which we have little control and which can cause us to feel the classic symptoms of anger, distress, helplessness, and melancholy. I am as susceptible to this as anyone, despite what I do for a living!  I frequently work with people in huge distress about what is happening to their jobs, to the services they provide, prospects for their children, etc. Their despair is genuine and valid, and I often share it.

But I manage the effect it has on me and you can too!

Manage the Effects of Change

One of the keys to dealing with change is to find an area where you can exert some control. Depending on your circumstances and outside events that will vary wildly from individual to individual. One thing you always have some control over is how you feel and respond to the negative stuff that comes your way. No one has yet cut that! 

I am not suggesting that you get all happy clappy and Pollyanna like and come across like someone who hasn’t a clue what is happening! I don’t want you to stop caring about what is happening to others, or to yourself. Keep taking action on what you believe in, direct the anger to an appropriate cause, try and make a positive difference in the world.

A ‘Control Your Feelings’ Exercise

What am I am suggesting is you try this simple exercise each morning and consciously manage your feelings, don’t let them be managed for you!

• As you start your day, pause and think to yourself  ”How am I feeling? How am I feeling emotionally? Happy? Sad? Angry? Guilty? Nostalgic? Vulnerable?
• What has provoked that feeling this morning? Is it an air of general malaise? Is it something happening in my life? Is it something I think might happen? Was it a chance remark? Did my bum look big this morning? (Honestly, when you stop to analyse it sometimes the most insignificant of things can set you off on a grumpy path!)
• Can you do anything about what ails you at this particular moment?
• Can you do something about it later? If so, make a mental note to do it.
• Do you want to feel like this all day? Is holding onto this feeling going to help or hinder you?
• Decide to take control. Consciously decide how you want to feel, don’t let others control that.
• Smile. Research has shown even a pretend smile can make us feel better about ourselves.

I try to do this most mornings; I like to see it as my own personal act of rebellion!

How do you cope with the current uncertainties of life?

Honestly, it’s true. Even fake smiling, and smiling to yourself, starts off some of the feel good factors associated with it.

So, altogether now, say CHEESE!

Don’t you feel better?

• Imagine you are making a scan of your body starting with your head right down to your toes. As you mentally travel down your body be aware where any tension is located and as ‘your scanner’ gets to it, exhale noisily and see the tension flowing away from you with the breath.
• Close your eyes and allow yourself to smile very slowly. Make sure that you don’t have a clamped jaw and a gritted teeth smile! Just allow a slow soft smile to form on your lips. You should feel your face muscles relaxing as you do this.

• Think up your own calming words. Words which help you slow down and repeat them slowly in your head. They might be: ‘soft’, ‘calm’, ‘soothe’,’ love’, ‘comfortable’, ‘release’, ‘warmth,’ or ‘relax’. Choose one that works for you.

When life gets a bit busy, give yourself just 60 seconds every day to try the one minute mood lift!

Do share any quick de-stressors you find helpful too!

Resolve to enjoy whatever comes your way and take the maximum pleasure from all the festive period; enjoy the spiritual side if that is important to you, enjoy the Bacchanalian side  if that does it for you, and smile!

Please do share any of your own secrets and tips with us; I’d love to hear them!

Catch a Smile!

Not that we need scientific research to tell us that when we smile we feel better about the world. And what is more, people receiving our smile feel better about life too! What a gift to have! It is contagious. Emotionally contagious to be precise. Emotions are contagious so spread a little laughter around.

The Science

According to a researcher from Lund University in Sweden, mimicking a person’s bodily state or facial expression causes physical responses in the receiver’s body that are identical to those in the sender’s. When people use the muscle groups linked to specific emotions, their body will react as though they are really experiencing that emotion.

If you squint your eyes up and wriggle your nose and make a classic angry pose, your body will release some adrenaline and your heart rate may speed up as if you are really angry. Likewise, if you even just to pretend to smile by turning up the corners of your mouth and narrowing your eyes, your body will release serotonin, dopamine and other “feel-good” indicators. In the study by Hess and Blairy, participants reported feeling more happiness and sadness/depression relative to the emotions shown on the video they were watching.

Laughing is Even Better!

Laughter can help to relieve stress and has been shown to improve our immune system. Laughing has been described as like giving your innards a workout; massaging our inner organs.  When we laugh our blood pressure goes up and then comes down. We also stretch our lungs, relax our chests, and breathe easier. Laughter causes our bodies to release neurochemical compounds associated with an improved mood. When we can laugh at something, we change our perspective and our attitude.

It is hard to stay angry when laughing. As we laugh, we momentarily distract ourselves from our problems and, perhaps, even from our physical discomfort. Life is better when we can have a good laugh. When did you last have a really good side splitting laugh?

Some Smiling Facts

Small children smile about 400 times a day

Grown ups smile about 14 times a day

Women smile more than men

We are all born with the smiling instinct

It takes 43 muscles to frown but you need only use 17 to make a smile!

A massive grin might use 53 muscles – a good facial exercise!

Apparently we have about 18 different types of smile we use in social situations

A smile causes us to release serotonin, the happiness hormone

And if you needed any other reasons to smile -Regular smilers are seen as sincere and attractive!

Do let me know the last time that you had a really good laugh – and what it was that made you laugh!

I recently read of a study showing how having a positive outlook doesn’t just give you a short term boost but that it can also affect your future happiness. The research was undertaken by the University of California, where psychologists studied photos of 112 women taken for their year books in 1958. Using a process which noted the degree of muscle contractions in their faces they were able to gauge the levels of positive emotion displayed (i.e. how happy they seemed).

They then followed them up more than three decades later. They found that those who had photos showing genuine, happy smiles had become more organised, were higher achievers, and had the most positive attitudes towards marriage and personal well being and generally felt happier about their lives. That will make me think next time I’m posing for a photo…

We often describe events as ‘our good luck’ when actually they are the result of hard work and preparation. Conversely, we sometimes deplore our bad luck when things don’t go our way. Either way we are absolving ourselves from any responsibility in the matter. Random events do occur over which we have no apparent control, but, we do have control over how we respond to them and that, research has found, is what makes the difference between people who consider themselves lucky or unlucky.

Can You Make Yourself Lucky?

Well, the research would suggest that you can. My own experience of working with people over many years certainly bears this out. If you can change your habitual, unproductive (unlucky!) way of thinking you can change your behaviour. Changing your behaviour can produce a different result, one that you want and might just call lucky!

Dr Richard Wiseman spent several years researching with people who called themselves either lucky or unlucky. He and his team discovered some fascinating differences in how the two groups thought and behaved. People who described themselves as lucky were creating their own luck through their mental attitudes and behaviour. Having identified some basic principles about changing thoughts and behaviours the team then went on to teach these principles to the ones who considered themselves unlucky. Almost all the participants reported significant life changes including increased levels of luck, confidence and success.

Try This

When training, I often play the Pollyanna game and would like to share it with you. In brief, the game involves looking for the positives in anything bad or unlucky that has happened. I usually do this in the context of managing change in the workplace but you can apply it to anything. For example, getting a redundancy notice is usually not great news but, if for a few moments, people can allow themselves to think creatively of all the possible good that might flow from it, like a new job with new friends, the
opportunity to learn a new skill, create the perfect garden, use the time getting fit, and so on they can often turn their negative thought patterns around.   Lucky people play this game all the time.

Here’s another example. Parking in the nearest town to me is always difficult. Sometimes I have to park quite a distance from where I want to be and it can be stressful. So I have a little Pollyanna conversation with myself, about how lucky I am to have a car to park at all, how lucky I am that I can walk the distance into town, how lucky I am to be getting in a bit of exercise etc. I could spend the walk bemoaning my bad luck at having to park so far out of town, the fact that the drizzle of rain will make my fringe (bangs) curl, that too many tourists come to my town, etc. If I adopt the second approach you would see a grumpy middle aged woman stomping through town with a scowl on her face and you’d probably avoid me. The first me though, is smiling and much more relaxed and do you know what, people smile back at me, reinforcing my feeling that all is well with the world and the virtuous circle begins. Don’t stomp – smile!