How To Make Bad Times Better
Do you find yourself waking up, listening to the news and beginning to feel gloomy about everything? The state of the world, economic misery, people losing their jobs, sexism from sport presenters…
Unfortunately it’s really easy to make yourself fed up; it’ll creep up on you unawares and before you know it you’re succumbing to the grumpy stereotype and tutting indiscriminately. It requires a bit more effort to do the opposite. I am not about to advocate that you turn off the radio, TV, stop reading papers etc (although as a change that is temporarily refreshing) because I believe we should engage with the world and try to change things for the good, as much as we are able.
However, I do think we are in the midst of great change, change over which we have little control and which can cause us to feel the classic symptoms of anger, distress, helplessness, and melancholy. I am as susceptible to this as anyone, despite what I do for a living! I frequently work with people in huge distress about what is happening to their jobs, to the services they provide, prospects for their children, etc. Their despair is genuine and valid, and I often share it.
But I manage the effect it has on me and you can too!
Manage the Effects of Change
One of the keys to dealing with change is to find an area where you can exert some control. Depending on your circumstances and outside events that will vary wildly from individual to individual. One thing you always have some control over is how you feel and respond to the negative stuff that comes your way. No one has yet cut that!
I am not suggesting that you get all happy clappy and Pollyanna like and come across like someone who hasn’t a clue what is happening! I don’t want you to stop caring about what is happening to others, or to yourself. Keep taking action on what you believe in, direct the anger to an appropriate cause, try and make a positive difference in the world.
A ‘Control Your Feelings’ Exercise
What am I am suggesting is you try this simple exercise each morning and consciously manage your feelings, don’t let them be managed for you!
- As you start your day, pause and think to yourself ”How am I feeling? How am I feeling emotionally? Happy? Sad? Angry? Guilty? Nostalgic? Vulnerable?
- What has provoked that feeling this morning? Is it an air of general malaise? Is it something happening in my life? Is it something I think might happen? Was it a chance remark? Did my bum look big this morning? (Honestly, when you stop to analyse it sometimes the most insignificant of things can set you off on a grumpy path!)
- Can you do anything about what ails you at this particular moment?
- Can you do something about it later? If so, make a mental note to do it.
- Do you want to feel like this all day? Is holding onto this feeling going to help or hinder you?
- Decide to take control. Consciously decide how you want to feel, don’t let others control that.
- Smile. Research has shown even a pretend smile can make us feel better about ourselves.
I try to do this most mornings; I like to see it as my own personal act of rebellion!
How do you cope with the current uncertainties of life?
Smile!
I’ve written before about the benefits of smiling, but did you know you don’t actually have to smile at anyone for it still to be beneficial!
Honestly, it’s true. Even fake smiling, and smiling to yourself, starts off some of the feel good factors associated with it.
So, altogether now, say CHEESE!
Don’t you feel better?
Your One Minute Mood Lift!
Next time you begin to feel stressed, (unless you are driving!) take one minute out of your hectic schedule to try this.
- Imagine you are making a scan of your body starting with your head right down to your toes. As you mentally travel down your body be aware where any tension is located and as ‘your scanner’ gets to it, exhale noisily and see the tension flowing away from you with the breath.
- Close your eyes and allow yourself to smile very slowly. Make sure that you don’t have a clamped jaw and a gritted teeth smile! Just allow a slow soft smile to form on your lips. You should feel your face muscles relaxing as you do this.
- Think up your own calming words. Words which help you slow down and repeat them slowly in your head. They might be: ‘soft’, ‘calm’, ‘soothe’,’ love’, ‘comfortable’, ‘release’, ‘warmth,’ or ‘relax’. Choose one that works for you.
When life gets a bit busy, give yourself just 60 seconds every day to try the one minute mood lift!
Do share any quick de-stressors you find helpful too!
Surviving the Festivities! Tip 12
And finally, after reading all the tips, (and maybe in spite of all the tips!) remember that it is a time to enjoy, to celebrate, to set yourself up for the long cold winter months ahead. You can only do so much and there will come a point when enough has to be enough.
Resolve to enjoy whatever comes your way and take the maximum pleasure from all the festive period; enjoy the spiritual side if that is important to you, enjoy the Bacchanalian side if that does it for you, and smile!
Please do share any of your own secrets and tips with us; I’d love to hear them!
Give Away a Smile Today!
Comedienne Phyllis Diller once said “A smile is a curve that sets everything straight” and the science proves her right!
Catch a Smile!
Not that we need scientific research to tell us that when we smile we feel better about the world. And what is more, people receiving our smile feel better about life too! What a gift to have! It is contagious. Emotionally contagious to be precise. Emotions are contagious so spread a little laughter around.
The Science
According to a researcher from Lund University in Sweden, mimicking a person’s bodily state or facial expression causes physical responses in the receiver’s body that are identical to those in the sender’s. When people use the muscle groups linked to specific emotions, their body will react as though they are really experiencing that emotion.
If you squint your eyes up and wriggle your nose and make a classic angry pose, your body will release some adrenaline and your heart rate may speed up as if you are really angry. Likewise, if you even just to pretend to smile by turning up the corners of your mouth and narrowing your eyes, your body will release serotonin, dopamine and other “feel-good” indicators. In the study by Hess and Blairy, participants reported feeling more happiness and sadness/depression relative to the emotions shown on the video they were watching.
Laughing is Even Better!
Laughter can help to relieve stress and has been shown to improve our immune system. Laughing has been described as like giving your innards a workout; massaging our inner organs. When we laugh our blood pressure goes up and then comes down. We also stretch our lungs, relax our chests, and breathe easier. Laughter causes our bodies to release neurochemical compounds associated with an improved mood. When we can laugh at something, we change our perspective and our attitude.
It is hard to stay angry when laughing. As we laugh, we momentarily distract ourselves from our problems and, perhaps, even from our physical discomfort. Life is better when we can have a good laugh. When did you last have a really good side splitting laugh?
Some Smiling Facts
Small children smile about 400 times a day
Grown ups smile about 14 times a day
Women smile more than men
We are all born with the smiling instinct
It takes 43 muscles to frown but you need only use 17 to make a smile!
A massive grin might use 53 muscles – a good facial exercise!
Apparently we have about 18 different types of smile we use in social situations
A smile causes us to release serotonin, the happiness hormone
And if you needed any other reasons to smile -Regular smilers are seen as sincere and attractive!
Do let me know the last time that you had a really good laugh – and what it was that made you laugh!
Reasons to be Cheerful!
Accentuate the Positive
I recently read of a study showing how having a positive outlook doesn’t just give you a short term boost but that it can also affect your future happiness. The research was undertaken by the University of California, where psychologists studied photos of 112 women taken for their year books in 1958. Using a process which noted the degree of muscle contractions in their faces they were able to gauge the levels of positive emotion displayed (i.e. how happy they seemed).
They then followed them up more than three decades later. They found that those who had photos showing genuine, happy smiles had become more organised, were higher achievers, and had the most positive attitudes towards marriage and personal well being and generally felt happier about their lives. That will 
make me think next time I’m posing for a photo…
