Are You Making the Most of Life?
I was listening to a young teenage girl talking about ‘growing up’ the other day. She had such amazing life plans and ambitious goals and I really hope she fulfils them.So often though events tend to knock us off course and we need to take a bit of time to revisit our early ambition and put ourselves back on track.
Can you remember what your dreams and plans were before you left school? At one point in my early teenage years (and I hardly know how to confess this to you) I thought the pinnacle of being a successful woman was to support a good man! I can remember thinking “I must learn how to make proper coffee so I can be a good hostess”. Good grief!
Well, one ambition achieved, I can make bloomin’ good coffee! And I do support a good man, but crucially he also supports me in my life choices.
Later on, with maturity, my ambitions changed, and although I didn’t ever contemplate running my own business at a young age, I knew I wanted to have a degree of independence, and I knew I wanted to be in a role that was useful. Actually, I wanted to change the entire world but that’s another story…
Look Back
What were your ambitions for your life? Did you set yourself goals in your early life? Did you have a clear picture of how you wanted your life to look? I was asked by a journalist recently what was the point of setting goals in life? Now, there is a whole raft of material there and goals can be small, big and in between, but basically my answer was - if you have an idea of where you want to be, it helps with all your decision making and helps you make the right choices for you.
Sometimes the right choice for you will be not to have a clear direction, but to take more risks and live more in the moment. The point is that it helps if we regularly review where we are and check out if we’re heading where we want to be, or if we’re drifting too far from our ultimate destination. Only you can know.
If you’re feeling vaguely dissatisfied with life don’t push the thoughts aside; take some time to consider why. Life is not about being happy all the time, but neither should it be about unhappiness. Take some control. Ask yourself:
- Is my unease/unhappiness caused by my personal relationship?
- Is it colleagues at work?
- Is it my role that is too demanding/undemanding?
- Am I bored too much of the time, in need of more stimulation?
- Do I see a clear picture of where I’ll be in a year? Three years? Five years?
- What can I do right now to take back some control of my life?
Despite what it may feel like from time to time, there are always things you can do. Take a look at some of the material on this site for a start, and also look at the inspirational women section on the site. There are some really good stories there from women who have truly grabbed back control. Or if work is not floating your boat at the moment, take a look at my book. You can simply talk to friends, ask their opinions and advice; remember you don’t have to take it but they may something that gives you a good insight, or sparks a train of thought for you.
Life is not always perfect, and a lot of things will happen that are not in our control. But a strong woman knows that how you react to life’s events is always in your gift. Don’t let yourself drift, grab a paddle and start steering your own direction!
Photo Credit: Vince Petaccio
You’re Worth It!
Are you really good at setting yourself goals and targets but then seem to find yourself falling short?
There are probably many reasons but one of them may be that you are focussing too much on very practical goals, for example:
‘I will lose 14 pounds by December‘.
Instead try thinking more about what you want to feel like in December. Why is losing 14 pounds important to you? Do you want to feel more attractive? Do you want to feel more healthy? Do you want to feel more confident?
Once you’ve worked out what the ‘feeling’ goal is implicit in your practical goal, try focussing on that and see what happens!
What tips/advice/techniques have you find useful in making sure you reach your goals?
How’s Your Balance?
There are some fundamental pyschological conditions we need to be met for us to feel stable and content; if one of these is out of kilter we can feel very out of control.
Our fundamentals are:
- Physical security
- Emotional security
- Economic wellbeing
- A sense of belonging
- Recognition from others
- Control over our lives.
When we begin to feel our life is getting out of balance in one area we can overcompensate in another, comfort eating for example when we feel undervalued.
Identify Your Strengths
One way to counteract this is to identify our strengths and then invest time in developing them. Energy we spend worrying about we perceive is wrong can be very self defeating and distract us from finding a solution. The more we focus on what ails us, the more out of control we’re likely to feel.
So if you’ve been feeling life is beyond your control lately, try this over the week end:
If you have a problem try to rethink it in your head as a challenge, rather than a catastrophe outside of your control.
Slow down and focus on one thing at a time.
Try and spend some time reflecting and studying your issue, rather than rushing ahead in order to solve it. Talking to a sympathetic, but neutral, listener can be very helpful in gathering your thoughts.
Set yourself a small manageable goal towards resolution, do it, and then set another. This gives time for better solutions to arise and allows you to exert some control. Confronting in a positive way what is happening, rather then trying to ignore or suppress it will also develop your skills and strengths and enhance your self esteem!
What one goal might you set yourself this week end to enhance your overall sense of well being?
Me and Elvis Presley!
Anyone who has attended my training or seminars knows that I have a bit of a thing about Elvis Presley. In fact, it might be fair to say that I am something of an ardent fan and am still in recovery from the fact that Elvis died three days into my Honeymoon!
When I’m training or delivering my seminars, I play a game with myself and try to mention him at least once (yes, I know it’s a bit weird but bear with me and read on. Most of the time I am completely normal….ish).
However, I do have rules and I can’t just stick his name in at any old juncture; there has to be a real connection or reason. So for example, if we’re talking about achieving dreams, or setting goals, I might just mention that I used to have a long time dream of visiting Graceland which I have now achieved. It has to be a bit subtle (although I do have some women who have attended a few of my seminars and now wait to see how long I wait before somehow making the Elvis connection!)
So I was thrilled to come across this quote which gives me, a coach and personal development specialist, an excellent and legitimate reason to mention him in a post.
Elvis said:
“Values are like fingerprints. Nobody’s are the same, but you leave ‘em all over everything you do”
Sage advice…
Are you clear about your values in life? Whether you are conscious of them or not, they have an impact on what you choose to do, and what you choose not to do. If you are in a role or a relationship that doesn’t sit well with your value base you will never feel right.
So, take some time now to think about the fingerprints you leave behind. What are your values?
