Are You Discriminating?
However,’ right on’ you are, however up to date on the latest anti-discriminatory behaviour, however many diversity courses you have been on, there is probably one last bastion of discriminatory behaviour that all of us still seem comfortable with….
Ageism.
So many of us are continually giving ourselves a negative message about old age and making comments that we would never utter about other sectors of society.
And worse, we do it to ourselves all the time, reinforcing a negative message about something that should be a cause for celebration. In the UK our longevity is increasing. Compared to our forebears we are living longer and more healthily than ever before.
Power of self talk
We all know how powerful the internal messages that we give ourselves are. If we continually tell ourselves we are old so we can’t do things, then we can’t. You know the old truism, if you say you can, you can. If you say you can’t, you can’t. Both statements hold true!
So next time you hear yourself making a derogatory joke about being older, pause a while.
Stop all the derogatory or comical references to ageing for a day, especially in relation to yourself. It’ll probably be harder than you think. You’ll be surprised just how many you make. “It’s my age” are banned words for one day as are ‘look at that stupid OLD duffer hogging the middle lane (lots of stupid young duffers hug the middle lane, nothing to do with age!),
Hopefully we’ll all grow old, so let’s show a bit of respect and banish ageism!
Take a look at Age & Women for more on this topic.
PS I run a course on valuing experience and making the most of experienced workers. If you’re interested in finding out what it can do for your organisation, do call 01761438749 for more details
Too Young to Get Old
Every so often I get sent a book to review that I would actually read myself for pleasure! And Too Young to Get Old by Christine Webber falls into that category.
Subtitled ‘The Baby Boomers’ Guide to Living Life to the Full’ it’s a well written guide to getting older covering all aspects of ageing for women. Christine’s style is engaging, friendly and draws you in. You’ll find relevant case studies and good advice for further reading. And some entertaining cartoons!
The book covers health, finance, relationships - platonic and sexual – beauty, and, as you’d expect from a psychotherapist, mental attitudes to ageing. Christine consults with a wide range of experts as well as using the results of her own questionnaire to women in their prime!
Extract: Livening Up a Long-Term Relationship
Here’s a short extract to give you an idea of Christine’s style and see how she begins to tackle the potentially toe curling (if you’re lucky!) subject of sex and older women.
Often – and rather gloriously – a long term relationship becomes closer and warmer with age. If we’re lucky, the kids are off our hands and we may realise just how much we value the companionship our partner offers. Sex sometimes improves too. it might not have the breathless passion of our earlier days, but many women report it as being enjoyable, reassuring and rewarding – and an essential part of a genuinely authentic and loving relationship.
And when it’ s not satisfactory her advice is:
…my suggestion is that you liven up your mind, which – after all – is a woman’ s key erogenous zone. Try talking to each other in bed what turns you on. Let your imagination run wild. Frankly, most fantasies would cause havoc if acted out in real life, so don’t actually invite the beautiful young divorce next door to join you; just pretend!
And Finally…
I was taken with the final chapter of the book when Christine talks about simplifying life, in the ‘forest dweller way’. This idea stems from a form of Hindu teaching about the various stages of life. The first part is for studying, the second for marrying and home building. The third stage, (grandparents) is when we can go off and live in the forest, job done. She acknowledges that we’re unlikely to go off with a tepee into the woods but we can create a ‘forest dweller’ state of mind by simply living more simply, appreciating nature, making time to simply be.
If you are in anyway a baby boomer woman, get this book! And if you want to understand a baby boomer woman, get it also! It was published last year by Piatkus and is in bookshops and available via Amazon.
Stay Young & Beautiful?
Joanna Lumley is 64 next month and I adore her (in my fantasies I pretend I look like her!) I like her even more after reading her her comments in the current edition of the Radio Times.
I don’t usually buy the Radio Times ; my son gave me a copy, correctly predicting that the front page heading of ‘WOMEN POWER’ would be of interest to me, and he was right! It’s full of some interesting articles about being an older woman in our society. And as I am an older woman in our society, I was hooked.
BBC and Discrimination
It’s a well documented fact that women are discriminated against on grounds of looks (i.e. stay young forever and you’re OK) or just plain discrimination (Radio 4 producer saying women can’t ask the tough questions) but this article provides some evidence that the tide is beginning slowly to turn.
Says Joanna:
” I can’t talk generally about women, but no one patronises them like …journalists. Because a lot of magazines are sold on fear (I presume she means all the guff on stopping getting old and the cult of thin), and women have been made to be very afraid. I couldn’t love men more but women have been second class citizens since time began,”
And later on in the interview:
“If you don’t look good, you’re out. But only women. Men can look like dogs’ bottoms“.
Your Thoughts
What do you think? I have referred to what I call ‘femageism‘ before and it is well illustrated in the world of TV and magazines. Is this just an issue in the media? Have you ever worked anywhere where there was a different standard between men and women? Do you feel pressurised to look a certain way? I’d love to know what you think and hear about your experiences.
You can read more about that article by clicking this link.
