Persuasion
How to Persuade Others
Have you ever had a request from a charity for a donation accompanied by a small gift, like a pen or a address stickers? The answer is probably yes because the idea of reciprocity is a frequently used tool because it works so well. How to persuade people to do things is one of the most studied fields in psychology.
Give to Receive?
The principle of reciprocity is simple; give someone a gift before you attempt to persuade them to do something and they’re much more likely to ‘give’ you something back. Most people have a sense of fair play that makes them feel they should offer you something in return. As you read the request from the charity, holding the pen in your hand, even though you know what they are doing, you feel more compelled to give them something than if the request had arrived simply as a letter.
Ethical?
Written baldly like that it sounds to me decidedly dodgy and manipulative (as it often can when we start analysing how and why we behave the way we do).
But actually, we teach our children to do this from an early age when we encourage them to share their own toys so they can be allowed to play with the toys of their friends.It’s a form of socialising too.
And would it be ethical to continually try and persuade others to do what you want them to without offering anything in return? As I write this I realise (gulp) that in a way it is exactly what I am doing by writing this blog.
I freely share my knowledge and skills here and in the newsletter. In effect I guess it is a gift to you (even if you do put it on a par with that misshapen hand knitted jumper from Auntie Gladys who thinks you still like candy pink and fairies…)
In return, people ReTweet me on Twitter, forward my links to colleagues, recommend me to friends etc, giving me a wider audience and a potential pool of women who may use my services one day or attend one of my courses. (Although to be totally honest I often get carried away by my love of writing and sharing knowledge and forget to put any links in to what I actually do! Fortunately I work with a great marketing expert or I would be permanently eating lentils!)
What do you think? Do you feel manipulated and tricked in some way when a free pen drops through your mailbox? Do you actually notice when this form of persuasion is happening? How do you persuade others- work or home? I would love to hear from you!
Can You Change Your Life in Thirty Minutes?
When you are finding it hard to motivate yourself, or can’t see a way ahead, try the thirty minute rule!
The Thirty Minute Rule
Thirty minutes, half an hour, 1800 seconds, is not a long period of time but it can be long enough to help set you on the way to some serious life changing stuff.
Recently I found myself with a task I really didn’t want to do and I kept putting off, day after day. My task was finalising my book, something I really needed to do. I’d done the bit I loved, the actual writing of it, but was taking almost as long to get it ready for print.
I had a deadline, which always helps, but the nature of the task meant that I couldn’t actually do it all in a mad rush the night before (something I have been known to do!) I needed to let my secretary have the pages well in advance and I needed to have checked with the printers, the cover designer, incorporate the ISBN and so on.
So I applied the thirty minute rule. I decided that for just thirty minutes every day I would focus on getting it done. And it worked. Some days those thirty minutes seemed to last forever but I ploughed on. Other days I didn’t stop at thirty minutes and carried on for an hour or two feeling smug and virtuous! and I got it finished in time.
It’s a great rule and works for all sorts of things, however deep,or difficult, or light and trivial. Try it! We all have things we don’t like doing, which we’re frightened of, or are anxious about doing, are putting off, or which represent a developmental stretch for us.
For years I have also used the thirty minute rule as a way of helping people to manage the really difficult episodes in their lives, as well as a way to motivate myself to get on with both inconsequential and important things!
Important Things
I first used it when working with individuals who had experienced great trauma in their lives. They would ask, how am I going to survive this? How can I go on? What will my life be like in these new circumstances?
At times of great personal change our minds can be flooded with possibilities; we overload ourselves with possible scenarios, usually negative ones. We race ahead in our minds to the new life of which we have no experience, like managing as a single person, newly bereaved, a diagnosis of life changing illness, losing our job. It can be overwhelming.
At this point, when life feels out of control, we need to find a way to take back a little control. And we can usually exert a little control over the next 30 minutes of our time. Like driving home safely, getting food in the house, and so on. We are not in a position to make rational big decisions so don’t try. Just focus on the minutiae of life for a while; the big things are going on anyway. Plot your life thirty minutes ahead.
When you can’t see the wood for the trees, just focus on each twig on each tree in front of you; one step at a time, and eventually the path becomes clearer.
Work Stress
On a slightly lighter note, imagine that you are feeling stressed at work. You know you have to take a breather but your mind presents you with all the chaos and endless problems that will ensue if you so much as slacken your grip a little.
But even the most egocentric of us can’t believe that the world will fall apart if we take a thirty minute break. So try and plan in thirty minutes of each working day when you only focus on you. That means you do have to leave the office and switch off your cell or mobile. (If you don’t know how to turn it off that’s telling you something!) Better still, turn it off and shut it in your desk drawer.
Walk away from the office, don’t look back! Walking itself is really good for you but this has to be totally your time; it doesn’t count if you are walking to a meeting as your mind will be on the meeting. In thirty minutes you can go back, refreshed and if you can do this for a whole week you will have begun to acquire a habit – a good habit!
Trivial Things
Try this with any task you don’t want to do or find difficult to make a start on, like weeding the garden, or reading a tedious report. Here’s a real life example.
A participant on one of my seminars recently was genuinely and seriously overwhelmed by the amount of clutter and filing in her office. She knew what she had to do but it seemed such a huge task that the prospect of ever finishing seemed unlikely, and would mean that she got behind with her real job. It was really cluttering her in every sense of the word and felt like a block on her creativity.
So she tried the thirty minute rule. In fact, in her case we agreed that she would not do any longer than 30 minutes, even when she wanted to. This helped her make really good use of those thirty minutes and it never got too dull or boring; we all spin things out when we have all the time in the world! And within weeks she had got it under control.
Thirty Minute Dream Catching
How many dreams do you have that you haven’t actually got around to starting? Try the thirty minute rule with your dream life. Resolve now to spend just thirty minutes a day on pursuing your dream.
For example, if you have a dream of writing a novel, or retiring to the country, break down the first steps into 5, simple, thirty minute tasks:
Monday - Research areas that have the ‘good places to live’ tag.
Tuesday – Sign on with an on line estate agency to see what properties there are in your preferred area. You will get regular updates in your mailbox giving you an idea of what your money will buy.
Wednesday – Apply for a pension forecast to get some idea of how much income you will have on retirement.
Thursday – Make a list of all the reasons why you originally wanted to move to the country. Stop after 30 minutes. If this dream is still has relevancy for you the ideas will flow fast and furiously, and you should be able to list them in half an hour.
Friday – Review your list and cross off anything that no longer holds true. Add any new thoughts.
Each one of those thirty minute exercises will help you focus on your goal and by taking it a twig at a time, stop it becoming overwhelming. But each 30 minute block is taking you nearer and nearer to achieving your goal. And you’ll hardly notice that you’re doing it!
By the way, if you are a very visual person, try drawing a tree with several branches and have each of your tasks as leaves. As you complete a leaf/task you can add it to your tree and watch it grow and develop!
Your 30 minutes could be the beginning of a significant life style change!
A Real Female Role Model!
Serena Williams – A true motivator!
Motivation
The link that follows will take you to an interesting article on Serena Williams. I have included it because I think she has a lot to say about MOTIVATION!
Serena was in a bad way following the murder of her sister but she used this traumatic event to motivate her and help her to achieve even more. Look out for the paragraph on her various post it notes. Read it and be INSPIRED!
Here’s the link to the Guardian article. Click here
Motivate Yourself!
Motivate Yourself to do well at work, whatever your job! If you find yourself operating below your best at work, lacking in motivation, it will gradually erode your confidence in your abilities and you can be sure someone will notice!
Here are just a few quick tips for getting the best out of any job. However trivial it may seem, if you regularly give of your best others will notice and you will reap the rewards of success! And being successful can become a really good habit you’ll want to keep!
Really absorb yourself in whatever you are doing.
Whatever it is you are doing, even if it’s just filing, become wholly focussed on it and do it really well. It matters to someone that it’s done properly so make it matter to you too.
Don’t keep complaining
It’s a waste of time to complain just for the sake of having a moan or trying to apportion blame. It makes you noticeable for the wrong reasons. Instead try and focus on what went wrong and come up with a solution. Even if your response isn’t acted on you’ll be seen as positive and helpful.
Find out what people think of your work
So often appraisals can end up putting a focus on what we’ve done wrong but we respond best by being given praise. In fact, it takes about seven pieces of positive praise to wipe out one negative comment. So accept people’s right to criticise your work but then ask what they think you do well and do more of that!
Adopt the adage ‘If a job worth’s doing it’s worth doing well’.
If you are really in a job you find unfulfilling and useless then make plans now to get out of it. But most jobs are there because someone needs it to be done. Even if you are working below your capabilities at the moment take a pride in what you do. Doing this well can open doors for you to move on to something better.
Be prepared to wait for the rewards
Once you’ve lifted your game and are performing at your peak you may have to wait a while for people to notice. It’s called deferred gratification, like saving up for something. The anticipation of what you will get at the end keeps you saving even when you want to overspend on a mad week end or new clothes. The end you have in sight keeps you motivated. So it is with work. Top performers know if its’ worth attaining it rarely comes easily!
