Advice? It’s a Gift!
We all get offered unasked for advice from time to time. Does your heart sink as you hear the fateful words “If I were you I’d …?
Yes, mine does too.
But not all advice is useless even when unwanted. The trouble is if we haven’t asked for it we tend to automatically stop listening to it and thereby possible missing an absolute gem!
So here’s a tip. The next time someone proffers you some advice, think of it as a gift from your favourite Auntie.
In your mind’s eye see them giving you an unexpected gift. Stop, smile and listen. Once unwrapped it may be something so tasteless that you’ll be offering it to the nearest charity shop as soon as you possibly can. But they have given you a gift and as you’re a polite woman you’ll say thanks so very much and not hurt their feelings by dashing it to the ground.
You may not want to give it pride of place on your mantle piece but it might make it to the spare bedroom. And one day, as things change, maybe it will just look good in a more prominent place! You’ll never know if you don’t unwrap it!
What’s the best piece of advice anyone has ever given you?
Photo Credit: Marija Jura
The Answer to Your Problems in 10 Letters!
Seeking answers to the meaning of life? Got a problem to solve? I have the answer for you -
It’s Crosswords!
Probably….
Problem Solving
Regular blog readers will know that I love crosswords. My favourite is the Sunday one which is particularly cryptic and takes me most of the week to complete (I say ‘complete’; usually there is one clue that drives me bonkers and I never solve!)
Over time I have got to know the style of the setters and try and tune into it on starting. So some I know will be tilting towards anagrams and others have a bias toward general knowledge for example. So when looking for clues that’s where I start; I’m either looking for anagrams or dredging up my general knowledge.
Stuck with a Problem?
And when I get stuck I put the puzzle down and pick it up the next day when the answer will often be staring me in the face! How could I possibly have missed it the day before?
The truth is of course, that I have been looking at the same problem for too long and got stuck in my self imposed terms of reference. As in:
“This is probably an anagram as the same amount of letters are in the clue as in the grid and this setter loves anagrams.”
When I take a fresh look and (crucially) forget about the anagram thing I seem to leave space in my mind for the answer to appear!
Like life, eh? Sometimes we have a problem that we’re just stuck with no matter how much time we have devoted to solving it. Sometimes we need a fresh pair of eyes to look, either our own or someone else’s. And sometimes we have to let go of our sacred cows, our own internally imposed restrictions and parameters.
Problem Solving Exercise
If you’re problem is a person try to imagine them as someone else. Let go of your preconceived ideas of what you think they are like and try to really LISTEN to them afresh. Imagine you know almost nothing about them. Your ideas of where they are coming from probably means you’re not really hearing them but instead are:
a) thinking of your next riposte
or
b) only hearing the bits that fit your preconceived idea of what and who they are.
Neither is particularly helpful in arriving at a good outcome.
And if your problem is not people focussed, try leaving it for a while and coming back to it. Go for a walk, try doodling, listen to music. Put your focus elsewhere and give your brain a boost and then come back to it and get creative!
If you enjoyed this, take a look at this article from the archives on problem solving. If you’re facing a problem there’s lots of advice on the blog – hope it’s helpful to you!
And if you’ve been thinking about working one to one I have some spaces available very soon! Give me a call on 01761 438749 or use the contact page. I promise you I don’t talk in anagrams!
Photo Credit: Katia Grimmer-Laversanne
Selling to Women!
I was at a women’s business lunch recently and the speaker was a male expert in marketing and strategy. But I doubt if he impressed many of us women listening! He didn’t understand some of the fundamental differences between how men and women communicate and why techniques that work with men will rarely play well with women. Selling to women is different.
Here are some tips if you want to successfully engage women. Remember, it’s been calculated that women make over 80% of consumer purchasing decisions! We’re a force to be reckoned with.
Peacock Feathers!
In general, (and of necessity I am talking in generalisations-this won’t apply to every man and every woman), men when selling either themselves or a product to other men, begin by establishing their credentials. Status is much more important to men than it is to women. So a salesman will flare his feathers, and hope to dazzle. I think you can link it back directly to schoolboy playground culture. (If you’ve ever watched a group of young boys playing and then a group of young girls you’ll know what I mean!)
Most women will be turned off at this stage. We’ll be thinking: ‘what a show off, I am so not impressed!’ It doesn’t mean we’re a push over and don’t want someone with credentials; we just don’t like it thrust at us like that.
Listening
Everyone likes being listened to and women are good, active listeners. If you pay attention you will be able to tell if they are with you. But don’t be lulled into a false sense of security and talk at length without engaging us. We like the whole picture. If someone had the idea for a product while recovering from a bypass operation we like that kind of detail. It humanises things for us. Your male clients probably don’t. They want you to get straight to the point and cut out what they see as useless verbiage.
Here’s an Example:
On Mother’s Day part of my present from my son was to do some gardening with me, and so he turned up equipped to do battle! I began explaining to him my idea for changing the layout and how I wanted a vegetable patch down there and how…
“Mum“, he said,” just tell me exactly what you want me to do. Point where you want me to dig and tell me specifically which plants I mustn’t dig up. That’s all I want to know“‘. My daughter on the other hand, takes quite an interest in my garden plans! In general, women like to have some context, make a connection. A genuine connection.
Don’t Be Fooled
Men when they are listening to you will be impassive. But there’s one very important thing you should know about the differences in how men and women listen. When a man nods his head during your sales talk he is probably doing so because he agrees with you. If you see a woman nodding at you, don’t make the same assumption. Women nod to show they understand what you are saying, not that they agree! But they might be agreeing- you have to check it out!
Stop Interrupting!
Research studies of communication at work show that time after time, men interrupt women when they are speaking. Men interrupt women far more often than they interrupt other men, whatever the relative status of those involved. This may be because men get irritated with our talking around a subject, setting the scene, while they want to get straight to the facts. Whatever the reason, if you’re selling to us don’t do it!
Research
Find out what women want. Just putting a pink bow on something doesn’t instantly render it attractive to women. Companies that have increased their marketing to women specifically have found sales overall increased. So it makes sound economic sense too! Men and women talk differently.
Update
In the interests of fairness I think I should say that my son disputes my gardening account! I may have exaggerated slightly….Actually he is a brilliant conversationalist; in fact both my children confound the stereotypes! And if you have any stories to share please use the comments box – I love to hear from you!
Talk (and listen!)
I was contacted by a journalist for a national magazine recently, asking me to comment on relationships following a recent celebrity break up.
Obviously I made no comment on the private life of the couple involved; however, I was also asked for my views on what made relationships work. My answer was immediate- good communication.
Talking, and even more importantly listening, to each other is crucial in any relationship you want to work well. Personal or professional, if communication gets skewed or misinterpreted the relationship suffers.
One of the most damaging acts in any relationship is to withhold communication. Not talking to someone you are angry or upset with does nothing long term to right the situation and is a passively aggressive act.
Although of course, sometimes holding one’s tongue on occasion can be a saving grace within a relationship!
What do you think?
Women and Careers Tip 4
Number 4 in my occasional series of tips for women who want to advance their careers!
Listen
On the face of it this seems really easy but it isn’t! Listening well is a real art and a good listener will be a well informed woman. People also love being listened to, so some of that feel good factor is attributed to the listener
Allow the Silence
Next time you are in a meeting and an awkward silence ensues, don’t rush to fill it, or feel responsible for rescuing the situation. Just let it be for a while. If this makes you feel uncomfortable ask yourself why. The person who knows how to hold their counsel on occasion is often seen as wise and thoughtful.
John Harvery Jones once said that a meeting without silences meant no one was thinking. Study the body language of your colleagues, aim to look comfortable and relaxed yourself but don’t rush in. Use the space to think!
Listen Well
Practise good listening in other areas of your life. When asked a question, or to solve a problem, don’t always rush to add your own thoughts or experiences but instead, from time to time, practise focussing on the person speaking to you. Ask them questions about what they actually mean. Get them to clarify and give examples. Don’t feel rushed into a response but tell them you’d like some time to consider and come back to them with a response (always get back to them though!)
