Amy Trevaskus

Jane: Amy, before we begin on the story of your books, please can you fill in the background on how you came to be a full time carer at your relatively young age of 31?
Amy: Dad was diagnosed with Progressive Supranuclear Palsy five years ago.….It was such a shock to learn about PSP and what would happen to Dad.  We knew that Dad would get progressively worse over time and in July 2010 we accepted that he would need a full time carer. Mum had been caring for him for 5 years, had given up her job to do just that. So we decided that we would do all we could to make it so that I could care for him. In March 2010 my Mum, Sister and I opened a shop in our local town called The Blue Room – we sell local art and craft, a creative family you see! So, I gave up my day job and took a huge pay cut to care for Dad.  This worked well for all of us as it gave me the time to write and gave Mum the much needed focus.

With regards to writing the children’s books, I woke up one morning a year ago and thought ‘why are you just dreaming about being a writer – let’s make it happen’.  This was all well and good but obviously I needed to be able to pay the bills/mortgage etc and have the time to write. At the same time it was becoming increasingly difficult for my Mum to care for my Dad so to cut a long story short,we decided that I would be his carer.

This worked on many different levels. I was able to be paid to care for Dad and write at the same time.  I started my own company Hartland Creative, which is a copywriting and proofreading service and it developed from there. Through Hartland, I met a chap called Jeff Bartlett who was interested in working on a new project.  I told him about Ping and Pong and what I was writing; he loved it so we set up a publishing company with a relatively small investment from him and my Mum…

You’ve said before that Ping and Pong came about because of imaginary friends in childhood. Can you tell us a little more about that, and also, do you still have an imaginary friend? (Sometimes I think we should all have one!)
It was always a family joke that I had two imaginary friends who lived in a clock! According to Mum and Dad they came about when I was about 3 years old when I would go to the carriage clock on the top of the TV and ask Ping and Pong if they were coming out to play.  This was before my sister was born so Im guessing it was a way of me expressing myself without playing with someone else! Mum and Dad actively encouraged me to have them as I think they saw it as a bit of fun and kind of company for me!

How do you motivate yourself to put pen to paper and actually get writing?
I think of my family. I think about what an amazing childhood I had and how I would love to share Ping and Pong with others.  Recently I have seen the kids faces when I read it to them and they smile…that’s what makes me want to write more…We have faced some tough times over the past year but writing about Ping and Pong makes me smile, even when Im feeling low.

Once you’d written your first book, what did you do then? How did you get it out there to readers?
I used Twitter and Facebook to get it out there.  When you self publish, it is all down to you…the PR, marketing, advertising…everything! Recently I have been going into schools and readings to lots of kids who I have to say have fallen in love with the characters.

What advice would you give to aspiring writers?
Keep going…sometimes being a write can be isolating. I have so many ideas in my head that sometimes I think it will explode – so I write it all down. Use your imagination to create story lines, characters etc…and make sure you get it all down on paper! You learn to be quite tough being a writer and you have to accept that not everyone is going to like what you write. Also self publishing is hard work so I would say as long as you are determined then you can push yourself forward.

If you could have any career you wanted what would you choose? What does your dream look like?
I would like to be able to write full time…I would like Ping and Pong to take off so that I can make sure my Dad is looked after.  I would like to develop other ideas I have for childrens books and even TV shows. I would like to own and run my own publishing company and help others to see their words in print.

Who has the most significant positive impact on your life to date?
My Dad has had the most impact on my life – we were always close but as he deteriorates I see that he is a fighter – he wont give in to it and that spurs me on.  My Mum and sister are also a massive part of my life, we are the best of friends which helps when it comes to the tough times and also when you run a business together! Also my husband, he is the one who has to deal with me! Although on the surface I am a positive person he is the one who picks me up when I fall apart which is quite often! He brings me back down to earth (sometimes with a bang) but he is also my biggest fan. We lost a baby in November last year but have really become so much closer because of it.

Are there any children’s writers that you admire, that have inspired you to write?
I used to love Beatrix Potter. I recently watched a programme about her on TV and saw similarities in some of the things she said about writing for children, she also had a vivid imagination like I do. You have to admire JK Rowling for what she has given to the world of Childrens literature – if I can inspire even 1% of the people she has inspired then Im onto a winner!

As a child what were your favourite books?
Peter Rabbit and any of Molly Brett’s picture books.

How do you like to relax and unwind?
I like spending time with friends, going for dinner with my husband and have recently discovered the gym, which Im finding surprisingly enjoyable!

What’s your favourite piece of advice/tip for a great life?
If you always give what you always give, you will always get what you always got. Also, my own tip: Life is too short to wonder what if…if you want something, try as hard as you can to get it…if you fail, so what, at least you tried.

Amy, thank you so much. You’ve had some hard times but have great inner resourcefulness – and a lovely family too, by the sound of things! Good luck with Ping and Pong; I hope it goes from strength to strength.

And if you’d like to buy a copy of Ping and Pong, (and there’s more than one adventure now) you can get them through Amy’s web site

Jane: Karen, you are now a successful and high profile psychologist, but what did the young Karen want to be? What was your dream job?
Karen: I didn’t have a clear plan as a youngster! I had a place to go to Uni and at 18 I took a ‘gap’ year that turned into a gap-fifteen-years! I worked in advertising and PR and loved having the chance to communicate ideas. Even all these years later I love the chance to talk or write about my psychology research.

Did you have a traditional academic career? Was academia always your goal?
An academic career wasn’t even on my radar. But when I stopped work in my early thirties and had kids I became fascinated by human behaviour and development. That’s when I decided it was time to go to Uni and study Psychology. Psychology wasn’t even an A level option when I was at school so if I’d gone to Uni straight from school I’d have studied English. I think we know ourselves better when we’re older and I feel it was the right time for me to go. Maybe I was a late developer!

Most of us think somewhere we have a book lurking within but you’ve actually published three and have another due out in 2011. How did that very first book deal come about?
My husband, Ben, (he’s also a psychology professor) and I had been doing some research into people’s behavioural flexibility. We found (by accident almost!) a link between a person’s behavioural flexibility and their BMI (Body Mass Index). So we figured if we could make people with a high BMI more flexible [and less habitual] they might lose weight.

We did some trials and it worked. Everyone lost weight. And we didn’t even have to mention food; it was all about breaking people free from the lifestyle habits that led to them over-eating. When we presented the findings at a British Psychological Society conference there was a lot of media interest and the book deal followed soon after. The No Diet Diet is now published in 23 languages worldwide.

Part of your research field is around communication with infants. What has been one of the most significant things you have discovered about communication with babies?
I’m fascinated by what we communicate non-verbally and have been researching children’s gestures for around ten years. A few years ago one of my lovely students, Liz Kirk, started to look at the effects of BabySign for her PhD. BabySign companies say they have ‘scientific evidence’ that gesturing to infants improves their language development and has other rather amazing benefits. Yet we couldn’t find much scientific evidence to support their claims and what there was was, frankly, a bit dodgy!! So Liz ran the first longitudinal random controlled trial into the effects of babysign on language development.

After years of painstaking research (by Liz) we found the infants who had babysign were no more advanced than the ones who didn’t! In another study we found the mums who went to babysign classes were even more stressed than those who went to other mother and baby classes. So none of the companies’ claims had any credibility!
I feel strongly about this research, not just because it’s scientifically robust but because there are loads of commercial businesses who try to persuade mums to ‘hot-house’ their babies. These prey on anxious mums who want to do the best for their babies and feel inadequate if they’re not taking them to classes from a week old, giving them violin lessons and speaking to them in at least 3 languages! I want mums to feel confident that what they do naturally, i.e. talk to, care for and love their babies, it’s all a baby really needs. Then they can relax and tune out all the other stuff!

Having said that we have found gesturing helps infants who are at risk of language delay and Liz is now doing some great work helping disadvantaged, low-income, poorly educated mums to communicate with their babies. This mainly means switching off the telly and speaking to them from an early age, using songs, rhymes and actions – and lots of hugs and smiles of course!

When we have careers that are also our hobbies and passion it can be difficult to switch off. How do you maintain a good work/home balance, particularly in view of the fact that you have co authored books with your partner?
Ben and I do work together but that’s wonderful, we share our minds, our ideas and are each other’s stimulation and inspiration. We don’t have a TV so we have lots of time to nurture our relationship, our minds and our interests. We love quirky art and have a mad home! We live in a beautiful part of the country, on a private estate, surrounded by fields and woodland and a gorgeous garden. We enjoy films and do Tai Chi, Ben is a keen runner and I also trot out there now and again. We prioritise good living, and that includes cooking fantastic food, enjoying wine, culture, reading and listening to a wide range of music. We also love going to talks, lectures and art events in London.

But we do spend a lot of time working and talking and developing our ideas. Our Do Something Different technique is now taking us into all sorts of businesses, countries and communities and it’s really exciting, intellectually, to go on this journey together and see the impact our work is having on others.

Have you ever experienced discrimination because of your gender? Is it less of an issue in the academic world? Do you think this is still an issue for women today?
When I worked in advertising my boss left – he was a manager – and at just 22 I was given his job. But I was given the title of ‘supervisor’ instead of ‘manager’! I was a bit irked at the time but I accepted it. Now I’d kick up a stink. The academic world is a tough one but there’s less discrimination if you’re prepared to work hard and to stand your ground if faced with discriminatory attitudes.

Who are you role models? Who has most inspired you, academically/professionally, and personally?
I am inspired by people who are individualists and who shun mediocrity, Vivien Westwood is a great example! I find ordinariness intolerable and really admire strong, independent, even eccentric people (women especially) who aren’t afraid to stand out and don’t give a toss what people think.

My main inspiration though is Ben, We’ve been together for nearly 7 years and in that time I’ve learned such a lot about myself. He is an amazing thinker and an incredible person, I’ve never known anyone so psychologically sound – and he has a great brain and a wonderful sense of style! He has inspired me to grow as a person and, whereas I’ve always been the major player in past relationships, he continually ‘adds’ to me and makes sure I realise my potential. Most of my significant achievements have been since I met him. That’s not to downplay my own capabilities, of course, but it’s great to have someone who really makes sure you continue to stretch yourself, otherwise we can become a bit dormant! He doesn’t believe in ageing either, which I find a great bonus now!

Mistakes are part of life and learning. What has been the best mistake you ever made?
Probably not going to University at 18. It wasn’t the right time for me then and I’m glad I went later. We can go to Uni at any age and some of the mature students I’ve taught have been the keenest students who get the best results!

What has been the most useful piece of advice or help, you have ever been given?
Wow, there’s so much! I learned quite late in life that being a ‘people pleaser’ doesn’t pay. I think women, especially, are conditioned to please others and I wish I’d cultivated a more selfish streak early on. I also read a few years ago ‘Half the people you meet won’t like you anyway so stop trying to please them’ and am now much less concerned about what people think of me than I was when I was younger. Also as a psychologist I now know that worrying about what people think of us is futile – most of the time they’re not thinking of us at all! Other people are probably more preoccupied with what we think of them! This insight has given me huge confidence and I can happily go and do public speaking in front of an audience of hundreds of people and quietly tell myself they’re lucky to have me!

Also, my Dad was a fantastic ‘do-er’ and a great motivator and that means I’m really efficient and can crack on and get things done. I don’t have much time for people who procrastinate. My philosophy is ‘You don’t have to get it right, you just have to get it going’ – so give me a job to do and I’m right on it!

Since knowing Ben I’ve also come to appreciate the importance of self-responsibility. He embodies it and it’s a fantastic life-skill to know that you can effect the changes you want, that we are not victims but are architects of our own lives and our destiny. Too many people believe luck, religion, fate or even bonkers horoscopes will guide them, whereas the only thing determining your future is you. One of mine and Ben’s favourite sayings is ‘If you want to predict the future, invent it’. We actually write all our key sayings on our dining room ceiling! Together they look like a work of art and are a constant reminder of how life should be lived.

Women tend to undervalue themselves, i.e. in not asking for higher salaries, only applying for promotion once they know current job inside out, underselling their achievements at interview and so on. As a psychologist, what advice would you give someone who has an issue with blowing their own trumpet?
This is fascinating isn’t it? Men just think they have to ask for a rise, women think they have to earn it and work hard until somebody notices them. I would say, even if you don’t feel confident on the inside, act confident on the outside and people will believe in you.

As the festive season approaches in the western world and we women go into overdrive, (most of us) what’s your top tip for relaxing and keeping a sense of perspective?
Don’t say Yes to anything that you don’t want to do. And don’t say No to anyone who offers a helping hand!

If you could invent/change/ one thing to improve the quality of your life, what would it be?
OK, this is going to sound dead smug but I am convinced that living the ‘Do Something Different’ philosophy that we advocate means that the quality of my life is always going to be optimal. After all, I’m the one who’s responsible for it, aren’t I?

Karen, thank you so much! It’s been great talking with you – you certainly live by your philosophy and I know your words will inspire others to do something different!

Susan was a participant on one of my Renewyou courses; at that time she was combining a demanding full time job with caring for her mother. I found her email really inspirational- I hope you do too.

Susan’s Email

“Just reading your newsletter reminded me that I have been meaning to get in touch for quite a while.

I was 50 in November and had been thinking for the year before how to celebrate. In January 2009 I decided not to have a big party but to identify 50 things to do in the next 2 years (i.e. the year leading up to and the year after my 50th). I had great fun with everyone coming up with the list. It included:

•    Owning 50 pairs of earrings (I stopped wearing them when I was a carer-too time consuming!)
•    Walking the Pembrokeshire Coastal path (nominated by Patch, my dog).
•    Writing 50 thank-you letters when I appreciated something someone had done for me.
•    Learning to ice skate.
•    Visiting every John Lewis Store in the UK.
•    Going to Liverpool (I’d never been!)
•    See 50 films (I now qualify for the ‘Silver Screen’ -£3 with tea and biscuits.

Northern Lights

The biggest one was to see the Northern Lights – a long held ambition. I spoke to a Norwegian friend and started to plan when I could possibly go.

Well-you know the saying about life is what happens between your plans……

I was diagnosed with MS in March-an MRI scan for a trapped nerve threw up this surprising news. Luckily I have not experienced any major symptoms -just a bit of tingling now and then (I severely embarrassed the consultant by saying that I didn’t mind the tingling -depending on where it was, and that if more women shared this experience Ann Summers would go out of business!)

On returning home I logged on to the MS Society website- and the first thing I saw was a fundraising advert “Would you like to see the Northern lights, and raise money for the MS Society?”

With one click of a button I was signed up to spend 8 days dog sledding across the Arctic Circle (the internet is so bad for impulsive people like me!!!) Hopefully, if not too exhausted I will get to see the Northern Lights -but if not, I’ll have a good excuse to go again.

Fundraising

One of the best things is that I had to raise £4000 to fund the trip and support the MS society. I thought I would have to do it all on my own but have been amazed at the love and generosity of others in helping me achieve my dream. Colleagues at my work organised a charity ball that made £1300, they’ve made and sold cakes, made cards , and held a book sale. People have even stopped me in the street and given me money.

My old work colleagues from BANES  (local authority) have raised lots too, even though I left there over 5 years ago. I still have a bit to go, so will continue fundraising for a bit (link at the bottom of the page!!)

What I have learned is that, even when there is bad news there is always something positive that comes out of it. It may not always be obvious, but it’s there somewhere if you open your mind -I guess it ‘s that  saying “Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadows“. I now know that I have wonderful friends and family, and will hopefully will get to see the Lights!

It also taught me to ask for help -something I have not always been good at, coming from the ‘Superwoman / Keep calm and carry on’ mould!

Intrepid Explorer

Well, I’m off this  Friday to the Arctic. It feels a bit like being pregnant, spending 9 months aware that something is about to happen and then suddenly it hits you- you are really going to have to do it!!

Thank you for your inspiration  – I really did take a lot from the Renew You course I attended. I am sure my ’50 things to do when I am 50′ came out of it-so thank you – I  will think of you when I look up at those lights!”

End of email

On the contrary thank YOU Sue, for sharing such a great story with us. I know your story will inspire others who are perhaps struggling with what life has thrown up at the moment. My only concern is that your own shining light will dim those you’re going to see! Keep us posted on how you get on and everything is crossed for you getting to see those lights!

Click here to access Sue’s fund raising page and support her trip and the MS society!