Age and Women – are older women coming out of hiding?
I’ve been a bit quieter than normal watching TV lately. It’s not that I usually make a lot of noise with heavy breathing or anything; more that I can’t help shouting out at the screen as yet another impossible ideal of womanhood appears alongside some ageing guy. You know what I mean, an expressionless face and tight skin and ones who disappear from view when they turn sideways!
I’m not blaming the women; I understand the way the world works for most women in the public eye. Femageism rules. If you want to keep working you’ve got to play the game. Unless you’re Helen Mirren or Judi Dench or the marvellous Meryl Streep (she hasn’t has plastic surgery has she?); they manage to age gracefully and still have work!
More Older Women
But there seems to have been something of a quiet revolution and as I bang on loudly about the sexism in TV and radio when I see it, in all fairness I must bang on about this too. Whisper it, but there has been some tiny changes that give a long time feminist like me a cause to smile.
Newsnight on BBC 2 takes my top prize. It frequently is produced and presented by women and doesn’t seem to suffer from the fate of many shows of only being able to find a token woman. It regularly features loads of clever, intelligent and articulate women of all ages on all topics, there by merit. Well done Newsnight! You’re my number one!
Julia Somerville BBC Newsreader
And then there’s Julia back on our screens. I don’t read celebrity type stories usually so somehow the furore about her appointment passed me by (I have seen it now when I Googled her to check her age). What a pleasant surprise that was to switch on the news and see it read by someone who who was over 60 and female! Of course, she shouldn’t stand out, but at the moment she does. But I’m not going to whinge - just give us more women like Julia!
Bridesmaids
It’s not confined to the small screen either. Bridesmaids is a very funny and feminist film (yes it is possible) starring a motley group of women of all shapes and sizes and ages. All shapes and sizes! And it’s not a matter of comment, it’s not even really mentioned in the film. They are just fairly looking ordinary women. In a major film. Not playing sidekicks or decoration to men. Amazing. And very funny, go see it (but not if you are easily offended: it’s ‘earthy’!)
Why Older Ordinary Women?
Never underestimate the power of an image. It matters. If you’re old enough, think back about 25 years. If I had been walking down the street and a passenger bus passed me driven by a woman I’d have fallen over in shock.
Similarly if I had turned up at my local C of E church for a wedding and a woman appeared in a chasuble and a stole and a dog collar to conduct the service, I’d have been looking round for the hidden Candid Camera (although some folk are still spluttering in their dry sherry over that one!)
We need female role models and we need to be educated. If we never see older, able and competent women on TV doing the same things as men, (or bringing their own take to it), we’ll never break the stereotyping. And it doesn’t work with just one. One women on a board, or one black face in a company. That’s tokenism and that poor soul has to bear the weight of representing everything about their race or gender and are not seen as individuals. If they fail it merely serves to reinforce the stereotyping and prejudice.
So bring it on! Lets see more of this and celebrate all aspects and all ages and all creeds of humanity!
Who is your favourite role model in the public eye?
Christine Webber – Inspirational Woman
Christine Webber is a successful author and broadcaster and psychotherapist. Her first book, which was a romantic novel, came out in 1987. Her most recent, and 12th book, Too Young to Get Old, was published in February in 2010. She has been an agony aunt on TV Times and Best and a regular contributor or columnist on a wide variety of publications including Woman, TV Quick, The Scotsman and SAGA. She also guests on TV programmes such as BBC Breakfast and The Wright Stuff.
Jane: Christine, thanks so much for taking time out to share your thoughts with the readers; I’m really looking forward to this interview, our first of 2011! And my first question, what was the very first paid job you ever had? Did you like it?
Chris: My very first paid job was on the skirt counter in Marks and Spencer in Catford, in South London. I loathed it, I’m afraid. But my next job, as a ‘postman’ for the Christmas rush during my first holidays as a student, was great. And the money, with overtime, seemed like a fortune!
That’s a coincidence; my first job was on ‘hats’ in the Army and Navy stores, Bromley South. And I did the Christmas post too – very lucrative! But you began as a singer so presumably the performing gene was quite strong. How long did that last and how did you make the break into television presenting?
I was a musical child. My parents didn’t play instruments, but my mother had a lovely contralto singing voice. I was always writing plays and dancing round the house – though never had dance lessons. I did learn the piano though, and got quite good. And then, aged 18, I went to the Guildhall School of Music and Drama to study singing. Unfortunately, it quickly became apparent that I was not the next Joan Sutherland. So when I left, I went into musicals and pantomime.
I also did some teaching, and then ventured into repertory theatre – just scratching a living, really. Finally, my big break was becoming an in-vision TV announcer. I was much better at that – which was a relief. Shortly after going to Anglia TV as an announcer, they gave me a job as a news presenter. I stayed there for 12 very happy years.
Have you ever experienced femageism in your professional career? (I.e. where younger women routinely paired with older men and older women exit stage left)
Well, there’s no doubt that older women have a tougher time in TV than older men. I left Anglia when I was 43 and that was partly because I wanted to do other things, but equally because I felt it better to leave while they still wanted me. Other colleagues did get replaced by younger women – and I had seen that happen.
Obviously, many viewers want to look at people who are easy on the eye. But at the same time, I think that it’s the men in suits, rather than the public, who keep searching for the next bright young thing. They also constantly chase advertisers with promises of delivering young audiences. This is crazy. It’s actually mid-life and older people who have more disposable cash, and who reliably watch their favourite programmes, so probably the TV companies should all be trying to attract older viewers. Why these supposedly intelligent ‘high-ups’ haven’t worked this out for themselves beats me!
Hear hear! What prompted you to write Too Young to Get Old? How easy was it to get your first book published?
My first book was a novel and I entered it into a competition run by Cosmopolitan magazine to champion new writers. I didn’t win, but my book did get shortlisted and was then read by someone at Century Hutchinson and was eventually published. This was a huge thrill, I can tell you. I then started writing non-fiction.
I married my second husband, Dr David Delvin, in 1988. He is a sex specialist and I got interested in his work. He’d already published masses of books, including The Book of Love which was an absolute classic and helped generations of couples to have a happier love life. Together, we wrote The Big “O” which did quite well, and then – after I’d trained for four years to get various psychotherapy qualifications – I started writing books on happiness and self-esteem as well as about relationships.
Too Young to Get Old was a completely different venture. I wanted to write something for the sassy women that we female baby boomers are. And I wanted to put together in one book lots of information about all the things we need to know if the next few decades are going to be vibrant, solvent and healthy ones. I found it quite a hard concept to sell to people. But my lovely agent, Rowan Lawton, pitched it to Piatkus, who are a great publisher. And I’ve been very happy with what they did with it. It’s going into a second edition in February.
Who has inspired you in your personal and professional life?
This list is endless. I am constantly inspired – often by something I casually read in a newspaper, or on Twitter, or see on TV. I am very influenced and inspired too by all sorts of books. Major inspirations in my life have come from a couple of my school teachers – who could see the sort of future I might be able to have, and who encouraged me.
I’ve been very influenced by one of Britain’s top marital psychiatrists, Dr Jack Dominian. Inspired too, by several cognitive-behaviour gurus – such as Aaron Beck, the founder of CBT. And my husband has been very inspiring too, in oh so many ways!
What do you think is the biggest ‘hurdle’ for professional women now? (Or maybe you don’t think there are any hurdles?)
Not sure about ‘hurdles’ exactly. But I think the major worry for professional women is whether or not to have children – and if so, at what point. That’s at the heart of what lots of women want to discuss when they come to my practice in Harley Street.
I think another hazard is that few of us really live in the moment, and enjoy it. When we don’t do that, everything becomes such a struggle, because we are constantly striving but never looking around and going: ‘Hey, I’ve come a long way. My life is exciting and challenging. And I am happy in it.’
What has been the best piece of advice you have ever been given?
My husband has given me loads of advice through the years on punctuation. Does that count? It’s certainly been useful.
What piece of advice or knowledge do you wish you had known at age 18?
I wish I’d known that I would find true love eventually, so I could have stopped agonising about it and just had a good time.
What advice would you give to any aspiring writers out there?
I think ‘just do it’ pretty well sums it up. There are hordes of people who believe they have a book in them. And probably lots of them do. The difference between them and those who get published is often simply that the latter group actually put in the time and do the writing. You are not a writer if you just think about writing, but don’t write.
How do manage the work home balance with your busy career? You work often with your partner, Dr David Delvin Does that make it easier or more difficult to break from work?
I have a good balance between working with David, and working on my own. When we got together, in 1987, we made a vow that neither of us would take a job that involved an overnight stay if the other couldn’t go. I’m sure that some people would find that limiting, but it has worked for us.
At this stage in my life it’s much easier actually to have balance and time to myself than it used to be. I look at women in their 30s who are managing a home, a career, a man, and bringing up children and I just marvel at how they can do all these things. Truth to tell, many of them look exhausted much of the time. And no wonder. I’ve come to believe that lack of balance in people’s lives is a major source of unhappiness and fatigue.
What’s your favourite way to relax?
Some years ago, I bought a very nice piano. Trouble is, I rarely play it. But my resolution for 2011 is to make time, as it’s a wonderful way to de-stress. I also love exercise (and when I was hopeless at games and always the last person to be picked for any team, I’d have been amazed by that!) – especially the ballet class I go to at Pineapple. I watch loads of rugby on the box and adore it. I listen to lots of music. I enjoy the cinema – especially the lovely Duke of York’s here in Brighton where you can sit on sofas and eat cake and drink wine or coffee. I love going to the theatre and to opera and to concerts. In fact, it sounds really as if my life is one big relaxation. I wonder if I ought to fit in some more work!
What has been the best mistake you ever made?
I have made countless mistakes. For a start, I should definitely have saved more money when I had regular work in television. But I try not to dwell on mistakes. Regret is pointless. I am very much a ‘looking forward’ sort of person rather than one who looks back. You just have to say: ‘I made that choice then. It seemed right at the time. No point in beating myself up over it.’ There’s no harm in resolving not to be that stupid again however!
What are you most proud of in your life?
I think I’m probably most proud of having built a happy and mutually loving marriage with David – mostly because I used to think that a happy relationship was something that only other people could expect. I also delight in being a step mum and step granny.
Work of course has always been vital to me, and I am very pleased with some of the jobs I’ve had. Not sure if ‘proud’ is quite the right word for that.
I am often proud of clients when they really work to make their lives happier and more balanced – and when they triumph over the broken hearts that often bring them to me in the first place.
If you could be anywhere in the world right now, with anyone from history or the present, where and who would you choose?
Seems to me that for a woman with a moderately good brain, who comes from a very ordinary family, there’s never been a better time than now.
Heaven knows what I would have done if I’d been born before women were allowed to work or have their own money. I think I would have felt very hampered and frustrated. Also, I am hopeless at needlework, which I’m sure was a necessary skill for all females. Probably my best move would have been to try and be some rich man’s mistress. I might have managed that.
Seriously though, I’m sure that to have lived in Vienna any time between about 1780 and 1930 would have been very interesting, though it might not have been great if you were seriously poor. If you think about all the composers who produced a phenomenal body of work in that city – Mozart, Beethoven, Schubert etc – it must have been an amazing period with them all concentrated in the one place. Also, it would have been interesting to be in Vienna when Freud and Jung and others were making huge leaps in psychological medicine. But probably to have entered fully into either a musical life or an academic one, it would have been better to have been born male, rich – and healthy. No penicillin, after all!
You have masses of really helpful information in ‘Too Young’, but what’s your best tip for growing older?
Do as much exercise as you feel you can – and then do a bit more than that! What I learned through researching my book is that exercise is the best way to keep in trim and to keep mobile, and to keep your brain healthy. Most of us have loads of ambitions yet to fulfil, but we’re not going to achieve them if we succumb to immobility, serious physical illness, or dementia. Really, what I learned as I wrote was that we are – to a large extent – the architects of our own old age, and if we want to be healthy and viable we really need to put in a lot of effort.
Christine, thank you so much for this; a brilliant start to the Inspirational Women section of 2011 and I wish you huge success this year. I hear your latest book has been so successful it’s now going into a second edition. Congratulations!
I’ll be reviewing Christine’s latest book in my next newsletter so look out for that. You can find out more about Christine through her own web site by clicking here.
It’s Only Too Late if You Don’t Start Now
‘It’s Only Too Late If You Don’t Start Now’ by Barbara Sher is an inspiring book. I think it is only available in the US, although you can get second hand copies in the U.K. She actually wrote it in 1998 but it’s still very relevant today-possibly more so as ageism, particularly femageism, seems to be rife!
The book is about having the life that you want at any age! It’s divided into two halves: part one is titled ‘Nature and Instinct: Your First Life ‘ and part two ‘Reclaiming Your Original Self:Your Second Life.
In part one Barbara guides you through some exercises to help you review your life so far and examine some of your cherished ideas and assumptions. And in part two she takes you on a mission to ‘find your gifts and bring them into your day to day life’
Extract
Here is an extract called ‘Road Fever Pop Quiz’. Try answering her questions yourself.
1) What did “freedom” mean to you when you were younger? What does it mean to you now? Do you ever long for it?
2)Have you ever dreamed of running away to sea or taking to the open highway? What did you hope that would give you?
3) What would you want to take with you? What would you want to leave behind?
4) What do you imagine would change about you if you went to a new place?
5) When was the last time you felt as wide-awake to your environment as a small child does?
6) What would it take for your life to become an adventure?
Thought provoking stuff!
Femageism? Watch out!
The population of the UK is ageing. Over the last 25 years the percentage of the population aged 65 and over increased from 15 per cent in 1983 to 16 per cent in 2008, an increase of 1.5 million people in this age group.
Over the same period, the percentage of the population aged 16 and under decreased from 21 per cent to 19 per cent. This trend is projected to continue. By 2033, 23 per cent of the population will be aged 65 and over compared to 18 per cent aged 16 or younger. (Office for National Statistics),
So why are major employers (with a few notable exceptions) still discriminating against older people? And are you ageist in your attitudes? Do you make jokes about older people that you’d never make about other groups in society because they would sound so bad, yet we don’t notice with older people? Do you put yourself down for being older?
Over 40, Over the Hill?
A good friend of mine has just started a fashion web site for women over 40, called Fashionable Maven. It launched this week but Vicki Day, site owner, has been researching and working on it for months. She plans to feature fashions for women over 40 and as such approached several big clothes manufacturers.
And some said “I don’t want my clothes associated with women over 40″.
Can you believe it? Apart from it being blatant femageism, it shows a sad lack of understanding of the power and increasing number of this age group of women. I’m not going to name and shame but Vicki might on her site at some point!
Fight Back!
Time to take a stand I think. Whether you are over 40 or not, try this exercise for one week:
For the next seven days eliminate all ageist vocabulary and comments from your life. Notice how often you are having ageist thoughts (e.g muttering, ‘stupid old fool, shouldn’t be driving’ when actually you may have experienced several ‘fools’ on the road of all ages!) Just try and eliminate the ageist bit, you can still be ‘drivist’!
When you look at someone older than you, don’t see wrinkles and decreasing ability, see wisdom and beauty. Don’t be taken in by the advertising that worships eternal youth! After all, with luck, we’ll all be old one day!
Interview
Vicki interviewed me for her site, which was a novel experience! I’m normally doing the interviewing. You can read the interview in full by clicking here.
PS Interestingly, it was not easy to find a positive picture of an older woman to illustrate this post! So I used my lovely Mum, taken on her 80th birthday!
Stay Young & Beautiful?
Joanna Lumley is 64 next month and I adore her (in my fantasies I pretend I look like her!) I like her even more after reading her her comments in the current edition of the Radio Times.
I don’t usually buy the Radio Times ; my son gave me a copy, correctly predicting that the front page heading of ‘WOMEN POWER’ would be of interest to me, and he was right! It’s full of some interesting articles about being an older woman in our society. And as I am an older woman in our society, I was hooked.
BBC and Discrimination
It’s a well documented fact that women are discriminated against on grounds of looks (i.e. stay young forever and you’re OK) or just plain discrimination (Radio 4 producer saying women can’t ask the tough questions) but this article provides some evidence that the tide is beginning slowly to turn.
Says Joanna:
” I can’t talk generally about women, but no one patronises them like …journalists. Because a lot of magazines are sold on fear (I presume she means all the guff on stopping getting old and the cult of thin), and women have been made to be very afraid. I couldn’t love men more but women have been second class citizens since time began,”
And later on in the interview:
“If you don’t look good, you’re out. But only women. Men can look like dogs’ bottoms“.
Your Thoughts
What do you think? I have referred to what I call ‘femageism‘ before and it is well illustrated in the world of TV and magazines. Is this just an issue in the media? Have you ever worked anywhere where there was a different standard between men and women? Do you feel pressurised to look a certain way? I’d love to know what you think and hear about your experiences.
You can read more about that article by clicking this link.
Women on TV
A new report commissioned by Channel 4 to celebrate International Women’s day, shows that there is still a distinct gender bias when it comes to women on TV.
Femageism
If we needed any evidence that femageism is rife in the world of broadcasting this report provides it. On TV only one in 4 in every 10 women are aged over 40. And for every ten men on TV 6 will be aged 40 and over.
‘Soft’ Topics
The study, carried out by Dr Guy Cumberbatch of the Communications Research Group, also found that although women do appear to be well represented on TV across the spectrum, the way they are used is markedly different from the way men appear.
In light entertainment, comedy and drama women make up 4 in every ten participants. In the field of serious broadcasting, Dr Cumberbatch’s team found that women made up only a third in factual programmes. And when it comes to the news, we have only a 31% share!
However, when topics such as health, culture and cookery are covered on the news women feature 69% of the time. Men were much more likely to be discussing the topics of politics, science, international affairs and the economy. And women aren’t even asked to give their views! When it comes to general vox pops, women are asked for their opinions only a third as often as men.
Diversity
Oona King is Channel 4′s Head of Diversity (once again I ask the question-bearing in mind women actually make up slightly more than half the population - should we still need to be included under the ‘diversity’ tag?) said:
” This pilot research measures the gap between what we see in the real world, and what we see on TV, and is the first step in developing a comprehensive measurement of how well TV represents and portrays different groups on screen. Fundamentally, this is about how we view our world and which groups are hidden from view or significantly under-represented. The gender gap here is quite startling.”
Sadly I am not startled at all. Maybe art is merely imitating life………….
