Are You Frightened of Success?

Are you your own worst enemy when it comes to success? Sometimes the main thing holding you back from success is you, you may be self sabotaging without even realising it. Fear of being successful is holding you back.

But of course I want to be successful!

Of course you do! Or do you? As much as losing one’s job brings about unasked for change, so does getting a new one. Except in the latter case everyone is pleased for us and expectations are high…

Another example; you may be single and have told friends you are looking for a new relationship; that you feel ready to move on but the right people just aren’t out there. Friends rally round to introduce you to new people, tell you about dating sites, offer advice.

But you take no action. In your head there is always a good reason why you resist all offers of help. It’s the wrong time, you’re going to lose weight, you’re really busy at work, if it’s meant to be it’ll happen.

Or maybe you are bored and miserable in your job. Yet you stay, grumbling about it daily but taking no action to get out of the rut you find yourself in. Then a new job comes up which has everything you want and you meet all the requirements. It’s a bit of a step up, but in your heart you know you can do it. So you send for all the information, have a great informal discussion with the HR person and then miss the application deadline.

In both cases you are self sabotaging and if you want to make a positive change in your life you have to discover why you do it.

Coaching Questions

If self sabotage rings true for you, try to honestly answer these questions about yourself:

• Are you frightened of change, even when it’s positive.
• What’s your track record with change?
• Do you spend so long analysing situations that you become paralysed with all the possible outcomes so you do nothing?
• Do you hold particular self limiting beliefs, such as ‘I’m not good enough’
• Do you get attacks of ‘Imposter Syndrome‘ believing that everyone else is better than you so you tell them about your faults before they ‘unmask’ you? (In my experience this is very common with women – don’t focus on your shortcomings, talk about your strengths!)
• Do you procrastinate so take so long to do something that the deadline passes, or action is never taken? This way, you’re always working toward to it but never quite get there.

If you’ve ticked any of the above, don’t despair! You can change. You have got stuck in a pattern of behaviour that can be altered, a new pattern can be introduced to replace the old one.

Step one is being honest with yourself. You need to know what it is you want and what it is that stops you getting there!

YOU CAN BE SUCCESSFUL!

If you have successfully tackled any self sabotaging behaviours, or have some tips to share, I’d love to hear from you!

Feel The Fear and Do It Anway!

‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway’ by Susan Jeffers is an absolute classic in the self help genre. It was first published in 1987 and has been a best seller ever since.

Susan acknowledges the fears that we all have, fear of failure, fear of success, and so on. She takes you through what she describes as three levels of fear. Not with the idea of eliminating the risks of life, rather facing your fear full on and training your thoughts to work for you rather than against.

Here’s an extract from the book:

“Taking responsibility means not blaming yourself.
I know that sounds contradictory, but it is not. Anything that takes away your power or your pleasure makes you a victim. Don’t make yourself a victim of yourself!
For some, this more difficult than not blaming others. Once you’ve become aware that you have created so much of your unhappiness, you have a tendency to punish yourself and put yourself down. “There I am messing up my life again. I’m hopeless. When will I ever learn?”
This, again, is not taking responsibility for your experience of life. It is important to understand that you have always done the best you possibly could, given the person you were at any particular time. Now that you are learning a new way of thinking, you can begin to perceive things differently and possibly change many of your actions. There is absolutely no need to be upset with your past, present or future behavior. It is all simply part of the learning process-the process of moving yourself from pain to power.”

The book contains stories and lots of exercises you can try yourself. There is a particular exercise illustrating the power of our thoughts over our body which I use on my Renewyou course which never fails to amaze people, and is really powerful. It is a classic book and each time I pick it up I am reminded of something helpful, for me and for my coaching clients.

If you haven’t got a copy I recommend it to you. And if you have one tucked away somewhere, dig it out and read it again. It’s available from all major booksellers and libraries, or on line from Amazon