Direct Your Energy Where You Want Results!

Direct Your Energy Where You Want to See Results!

It doesn’t matter how many self help books you read (even mine!), how much you practise circular breathing, how much you think positively, how often you chant, focus on words on the ceiling (good grief), there is no substitute for actually doing something to get where you want to be. That means real, down to earth, honest to goodness hard work, not simply thinking about what you want to happen if only everything would come together in your favour!

Phew, that was good to say! There really is no substitute for actually getting on with it. I was asked by a journalist recently if I thought the current self help culture meant people thought they ‘deserved’ to succeed, that that there was a solution for everything and everyone should be happy all the time. Good question.

I do come across this attitude from time to time, and there is masses of information out there giving you all sorts of advice about how you can be wonderful, have a great life etc. My site is full of it too. I have a passion for helping women live their lives to the max and getting out of it what they want. You will find masses of information here to help you get going, to inspire and push you on.

But anyone who has ever worked with me knows that one of my continual questions is:

‘What are you actually going to do and when are you going to do it?‘

Add Ons

All the other things I have mentioned help, of course they do, but they are additional to actually doing something. If you want to write a novel you can make yourself an inspiring room to write in. You can read books by other writers. You can sign up to writing courses. You can buy a beautiful notebook, lovely pens. All these things may motivate you to get going, build your confidence, and increase your pleasure in the task. BUT at some point the preparation has to stop and the real writing has to begin or the book will always remain an idea.

Likewise, if you want to change your job, you could buy my book, do all the exercises, listen to the visualisation. You will have prepared yourself well and got a good idea of the steps you need to take to make those changes. Hopefully I will even have inspired you to be brave and bold. BUT you still have to go out there, buy newspapers, look for jobs, and apply for them. You still have to take the risks yourself, decide when the time is right to start your own business, go into partnership with a friend, or ask the bank for a business loan.

Focus

All of the preparation is good; I wouldn’t recommend that you jump will nilly into something (well, maybe sometimes a bit of risk taking can be energising, when we just follow our instincts! It can work.)

The problem comes when all our energies go into preparing, (or complaining) and not into doing. If you have a long held dream beginning  ‘one day I will…’ do you know when that ‘one day’ is? Certainly do all the preparing, and if you are in a job you loathe preparing now for a new one when times are better may help you through the interim period. But do give yourself a date when you will move from preparing into doing. Review it regularly. After all, you don’t want to be looking behind you muttering wistfully, ‘If only…’.

Make Your Dreams Come True!

Do you have a long held dream? A fantasy that one day you will give up the day job, cycle to Memphis, become a dancer, grow your food, start your own B & B…

If so, have you ever taken out your fantasy and had a proper real life look at it? Lots of women confide in me their long held dreams, which is lovely, but often seem surprised when I say,

“What have you done about it?”

Sometimes dreams become a refuge for us, a safe haven where we don’t need to think much. Which is fine if you intend your dream simply to remain a fantasy.

However, if you want to make your dreams a reality, you have to do something!

If you have long held plans to escape to France, for example, have you ever worked out how much money you might need? Which is the best area to live in? Signed up for language classes? Spent a research holiday in the area you like? Or if you want to run a B&B, have you talked to someone who has done just that?

Making your dream a reality may not be imminent but one day it could be. And you want to be ready for that moment! Knowing where you want to be will help with every other decision in your life! Do one small thing every week towards your goal and start making your dreams come true today!

How to Cure a Mid Life Crisis!

Like most mothers, when my children finally left home I had a moment. Well, if I’m honest, quite a few moments really. When my daughter left home to move 460 miles away I felt like a bereavement was imminent. I remember our postman of 20 plus years coming to the door with a parcel and asking what was wrong ( I had a wee torn face on) and telling him that our oldest child was moving out that day.

“Oh no“, he said,” I remember her first day at school, I’ll miss her“.

That was it, the dam burst. Cue floods of tears all over poor postie who swiftly backed away down the path, making soothing noises! I wasn’t much better when we left our son at Leeds University. I was fine just until the moment of parting when I announced that now I was going to cry, and promptly did. Job done, what now?

Change Happens

But it doesn’t have to be children leaving that prompts an attack of middle aged angst. Changes at work, relationships altering, the ageing process, can all make us stop and think, well, is this it?

Change happens all the time but there are times when it affects us more than others, when we need to take stock and do a mini audit. There is a myth abroad that the older we get the more difficult we find change. In my experience this is not true. Anyone over 40 today has experienced and survived enormous changes in their lifetime (see this article for more on change).

But if you let yourself be a victim of events you’ll have no control at all; your life will ‘happen’ without you conducting it. A significant life change is a good time to sit down and take stock.

Stock Taking

Try answering these life stock taking questions:

Look at your life in these areas – family, work & career, social life, health and sense of well being. As you mentally filtered those areas through your mind which bit caused you a stirring. At which point did you think I’m not staying with that thought?  My guess is that’s the one you need to pay attention to, however uncomfortable it feels.

If, for example, you are unhappy in your relationship, you may have become adept at hiding it, even from yourself. Fear of what you might discover if you really looked at it may be holding you back and keeping you trapped in an unhappy place. That fear is making an assumption that what will follow will be worse that is, but that’s down to you. Working on your relationship may improve it and all of your life!

Work

Or maybe you are stuck in a job that pays all the bills but sucks the life out of you? How long are you going to stay with the daily dehydration? What impact is that having on your life and well being? Can you see yourself NOT doing this job? How different would your life be? Sometimes redundancy has been the best thing to happen to folk as it has forced them to think again about the work they do. How many of the bills that the job pays are important in the long term?

Small Steps

Conducting an exercise such as this may fill you with awe at the amount you want to change in your life. (Or you may just have realised that all is much better than you thought – well done).

If the former, break down what you want to do in smaller goals, the achievement of which will take you closer to where you want to be! Don’t give up on your dreams, never do that, but dreams are realised with a first small step. What small step can you take today?

Amaze Yourself!

Will you do something amazing this week?

So here we are in the dog days of summer, and in the UK at least a bank holiday week end is in the offing. Lost of people are on holiday, you get loads of ‘out of office’ replies, and no one seems to be around to do any meaningful work.

For those of us at work it can be a really dead time, or it can be a time you really make work for you! When you start on the road to achieving your dreams!

Dreams

The end  of August always feels like the end of the year for me – too long in the world of education I guess! September still feels like the start of a new term; all the excitement of new school clothes, bags, pencils, protractors (that dates me, who has those now?) and books full of blank pages to write upon!

Can you use this week to amaze yourself? To put something worthwhile on the next blank page in your book? Take the time to do something for you. To really think about what you want to achieve over the next few months?

In this relatively slack time, can you spare a moment to set yourself some goals this week, maybe one small thing to do each day that will stand you in good stead, and take you nearer where you want to be?

Unfulfilling Work

Maybe work is not fulfilling at the moment, but it pays the bills and it’s a tough economic climate so alternatives are thin on the ground. But now is a good time to take stock of what you really want to do with your life. And get prepared so that when the climate improves, as it will, you are ready to roll!

Love your job

Perhaps you love your work, whatever it is, and want to improve and progress. Where do you want to be? What opportunities might there be for you to progress? If not right now, when things improve? Can you gain some experience that will help? Do you need to sign up for an evening class? Get some mentoring? Shadow someone in the organisation? Join a networking group?

Retirement Dreams

Or maybe you have some long held dreams about what your retirement will be like? Have you done anything practical towards achieving those? Do you know what is possible? Have you shared your dreams with your ‘significant other’? Write down what it is you want and then use this week to take those first steps towards achieving it.

You Are Amazing!

Go on, amaze yourself! Make this week count. Don’t waste this time, take some control of your future now and plan to live the life you want!

Follow Your Dreams!

In a recent article Jane Asher, actress and  successful businesswoman said, “If you have the choice, pursue what you enjoy”. Good advice, as long as you know what it is you enjoy!

When coaching I am always encouraging women to follow their dreams, whatever they are. And it is the knowing what we want that can sometimes be difficult. So many of us know that what we have is not fulfilling us, but just don’t know what we want instead (which is why I wrote ‘When Work isn’t Working‘.)

Any Age

Whatever age you are, it’s worth investing some time to work out what you want to be doing with your life. It may be something you can’t possible ever imagine achieving at this point in time, but it’s always good to have an aspiration. Knowing where you’d like to be in life will help you with all your decision making.

Maybe you have what currently seems like a fantasy of giving up the safe and reliable day job and instead running your own business? It may seem an impossible dream now but there will be things you can be doing now right now which will take you nearer your goal.

Free Help

For example, did you know that the tax office in UK provides all sorts of free seminars for would be business people? Or that Business Link has masses of information freely available on its web site? Get yourself a dream folder and when you see something helpful, put it in your resource pack!

Or maybe you can take up a part time role, perhaps unpaid with a charity, which will help you develop the skills you need to achieve your ultimate goal when the circumstances are right. Remember, luck has been defined as preparation meeting opportunity. Successful people in all walks of life have taken advantage of opportunities that have come their way but they have almost always put in the leg work beforehand.

And don’t let age stop you! Many dot com millionaires are still in their teens when they make it and equally many who have achieved their dreams have done so later in life. I was in my late forties when I pursued my dream working life! And Beryl Cook, at one point the most famous popular artist in Britain, didn’t sell a picture until she was in her sixties!

So what is your dream for your life? And what can you do right now to help take you a step nearer?

And if you’re not sure, please do try out my free visualisation- simply click the link up on the right ‘Your Perfect Day‘.