Are You Discriminating?

However,’ right on’ you are, however up to date on the latest anti-discriminatory behaviour, however many diversity courses you have been on, there is probably one last bastion of discriminatory behaviour that all of us still seem comfortable with….

Ageism.

So many of us are continually giving ourselves a negative message about old age and making comments that we would never utter about other sectors of society.

And worse, we do it to ourselves all the time, reinforcing a negative message about something that should be a cause for celebration. In the UK our longevity is increasing. Compared to our forebears we are living longer and more healthily than ever before.

Power of self talk

We all know how powerful the internal messages that we give ourselves are. If we continually tell ourselves we are old so we can’t do things, then we can’t. You know the old truism, if you say you can, you can. If you say you can’t, you can’t. Both statements hold true!

So next time you hear yourself making a derogatory joke about being older, pause a while.

Stop all the derogatory or comical references to ageing for a day, especially in relation to yourself. It’ll probably be harder than you think. You’ll be surprised just how many you make. “It’s my age” are banned words for one day as are ‘look at that stupid OLD duffer hogging the middle lane (lots of stupid young duffers hug the middle lane, nothing to do with age!),

Hopefully we’ll all grow old, so let’s show a bit of respect and banish ageism!

Take a look at Age & Women for more on this topic.

PS I run a course on valuing experience and making the most of experienced workers. If you’re interested in finding out what it can do for your organisation, do call 01761438749 for more details

Why Can’t Women Show Emotion at Work?

A few weeks ago I was pleased to be listening to Sam Roddick speak at a women’s conference. She was brilliant. The nub of her speech was that she ran her business in her own way, regardless of disapproval from others or traditional business models. And if that meant she showed emotion when she was upset, that was fine. She was upset so she showed it.

“Men are allowed to get angry at work; that’s seen as acceptable. I get upset I cry. That’s not deemed acceptable. I say deal with it, or get therapy!”

She wasn’t talking about bursting into tears at inconsequential slights, not at all. She’s a very strong woman. She was talking about putting passion into what you do with your life and caring.

However, her way is not the accepted way of running a business. In the UK, business norms have been set by men. Male norms prevail and are rewarded, female behaviour is derided as ‘soft’ and not as effective.  Shows of emotion that aren’t anger are seen as a weakness. Many pioneer women in business had to behave like men and suppress their feminine side. Often this can penalise sensitive men as much as women. It’s bad enough for a woman to show her emotions; imagine what it’s like for a man in a macho world!

Diversity and Equality

We’ve moved on a lot and many new businesses have really good true equality policies which work in theory and practice (I’m thinking of Pepsico, for example, where difference is valued and equality doesn’t mean ‘allowing’ women to behave like men). The evidence is that where business values all its employees and has significant numbers of women in senior roles, the bottom line is better!

Yet I still find myself in coaching conversations with senior women struggling to survive in a macho culture which constantly undermines their contribution. Usually these women are working in long established business areas like banking, finance, and local government. Newer businesses, while not exempt, tend not to have a long history of  ‘We always do it this way; it’s worked up until now. Don’t rock the boat’

Why Can’t a Woman be More Like a Man?

Because she’s a woman! And women bring other equally valid and valuable qualities to the workplace. And a workplace which doesn’t acknowledge and nurture that is missing out an a huge valuable resource! Eventually those senior women will find places where all they bring to work is valued and respected, where they don’t have to struggle to fit a male model of desirable manager or executive.

Share Your Story

I would love to hear from you if you have had experience of this. I’d love to know if it’s not an issue in your workplace, and if it is. I’d love to know how you think we can combat it, who your best supporters were, who inspires you, and any advice you’d care to share! (You can remain anonymous if you wish, if speaking out feels too risky).

Stay Young & Beautiful?

Joanna Lumley is 64 next month and I adore her (in my fantasies I pretend I look like her!) I like  her even more after reading her her comments in the current edition of the Radio Times.

I don’t usually buy the Radio Times ; my son gave me a copy, correctly predicting that the front page heading of ‘WOMEN POWER’ would be of interest to me, and he was right! It’s full of some interesting articles about being an older woman in our society. And as I am an older woman in our society, I was hooked.

BBC and Discrimination

It’s a well documented fact that women are discriminated against on grounds of looks (i.e. stay young forever and you’re OK) or just plain discrimination (Radio 4 producer saying women can’t ask the tough questions) but this article provides some evidence that the tide is beginning slowly to turn.

Says Joanna:
” I can’t talk generally about women, but no one patronises them like …journalists.  Because a lot of magazines are sold on fear (I presume she means all the guff on stopping getting old and the cult of thin), and women have been made to be very afraid. I couldn’t love men more but women have been second class citizens since time began,”

And later on in the interview:
“If you don’t look good, you’re out. But only women. Men can look like dogs’ bottoms“.

Your Thoughts

What do you think? I have referred to what I call ‘femageism‘ before and it is well illustrated in the world of TV and magazines.  Is this just an issue in the media? Have you ever worked anywhere where there was a different standard between men and women? Do you feel pressurised to look a certain way? I’d love to know what you think and hear about your experiences.

You can read more about that article by clicking this link.