How To Make Bad Times Better

Do you find yourself waking up, listening to the news and beginning to feel gloomy about everything? The state of the world, economic misery, people losing their jobs, sexism from sport presenters…

Unfortunately it’s really easy to make yourself fed up; it’ll creep up on you unawares and before you know it you’re succumbing to the grumpy stereotype and tutting indiscriminately. It requires a bit more effort to do the opposite. I am not about to advocate that you turn off the radio, TV, stop reading papers etc (although as a change that is temporarily refreshing) because I believe we should engage with the world and try to change things for the good, as much as we are able.

However, I do think we are in the midst of great change, change over which we have little control and which can cause us to feel the classic symptoms of anger, distress, helplessness, and melancholy. I am as susceptible to this as anyone, despite what I do for a living!  I frequently work with people in huge distress about what is happening to their jobs, to the services they provide, prospects for their children, etc. Their despair is genuine and valid, and I often share it.

But I manage the effect it has on me and you can too!

Manage the Effects of Change

One of the keys to dealing with change is to find an area where you can exert some control. Depending on your circumstances and outside events that will vary wildly from individual to individual. One thing you always have some control over is how you feel and respond to the negative stuff that comes your way. No one has yet cut that! 

I am not suggesting that you get all happy clappy and Pollyanna like and come across like someone who hasn’t a clue what is happening! I don’t want you to stop caring about what is happening to others, or to yourself. Keep taking action on what you believe in, direct the anger to an appropriate cause, try and make a positive difference in the world.

A ‘Control Your Feelings’ Exercise

What am I am suggesting is you try this simple exercise each morning and consciously manage your feelings, don’t let them be managed for you!

• As you start your day, pause and think to yourself  ”How am I feeling? How am I feeling emotionally? Happy? Sad? Angry? Guilty? Nostalgic? Vulnerable?
• What has provoked that feeling this morning? Is it an air of general malaise? Is it something happening in my life? Is it something I think might happen? Was it a chance remark? Did my bum look big this morning? (Honestly, when you stop to analyse it sometimes the most insignificant of things can set you off on a grumpy path!)
• Can you do anything about what ails you at this particular moment?
• Can you do something about it later? If so, make a mental note to do it.
• Do you want to feel like this all day? Is holding onto this feeling going to help or hinder you?
• Decide to take control. Consciously decide how you want to feel, don’t let others control that.
• Smile. Research has shown even a pretend smile can make us feel better about ourselves.

I try to do this most mornings; I like to see it as my own personal act of rebellion!

How do you cope with the current uncertainties of life?

Feel The Fear…& Beyond by Susan Jeffers

Feel the Fear …and Beyond is Susan’s follow up book to her highly successful and widely read Feel the Fear. It’s published by Vermillion and currently costs less than £6. Money well spent!

I would recommend that you read her first book before picking up this one though. The first book establishes the principles and the second gives you some great exercises to try out to reinforce your learning.

Here’s an extract from ‘….and beyond‘:

” Thankfully none of us have to stand alone in this big wide world. Your friends can be an important part of your support system and it is one area of most people’s lives that needs cultivation. But what kind of friends do I mean?

I’m not talking about the kind of friends that try to keep you from moving forward. I am talking about the kind of friends that say, ‘Sure you can do it. Go for it.’…And so on. I like to think of those who hold you back as Lower-Self friends and those who support your growth as Higher-Self friends. And  it’s important to pay attention to the difference.”

There then follows a practical exercise with space for you to list friends that fall into those categories. I must have had that in my head when I wrote my ‘Radiators & Drains‘ post.

Susan Jeffer’s aim is to remove any fear we may have about embracing life and living it to the full. She encourages you to make positive change in your life and gives you a useful toolbox to hold your hand while you do! It’s definitely worth having this book on your shelf!

If you’ve read either of the ‘Feel the Fear’ books I’d love to hear what you think of them.

Change – How to Survive Tip 5

When you hear a change outside of your control is on the cards, what are your automatic thoughts? Do you think:

“Oh great, this’ll be good for me!”

or

“Oh no, this will be terrible!”

Most of us tend towards the second response precisely because we have no control. But take a few moments now to think back over actual changes outside of your control, and what the outcomes for you were.

Was it all bad or have you benefited from unplanned changes in the past? Please do share.

Details about my change seminars are available by clicking here!

The Paradox of Change

The Universe is Change; our life is what our thoughts make it.

Marcus Aurelius Antonius

Change is a paradox because actually nothing ever stays the same; all is change. Our bodies today are not the same bodies we had yesterday. There have been masses of tiny changes, small but incrementally they add up to something very significant. I do not look the same person from 10 years ago, but I don’t notice a significant change in my appearance today from yesterday, yet I am different.

In nature the changes may appear slow as we go through the seasons, watching day to day changes in plants and flowers, the weather.  There is a cycle of nature which we understand. And yet nature can surprise us often with volcanic dust clouds, heat-waves, floods and earthquakes. It is changing all the time.

Understanding that life is constant change is a fundamental concept to grasp if we’re to manage other changes in our lives successfully. Everything you have experienced has brought you to today, is part of you today and impacts on you and your future. You have an extraordinary and immense capacity to cope with change.

You are truly amazing!