Is the Glass Ceiling Women’s Fault?
Woah, steady on me! Am I now blaming women for centuries of discrimination? Adding to the guilt which we women are so good at carrying around? (Erica Jong- “Show me a woman who doesn’t feel guilty and I’ll show you a man”). Has it really been been our fault all along!
Well, no, of course not. But I am suggesting that maybe it’s time to examine what is going on in our heads and how much that is a barrier to our progress. Maybe we create some of our own limitations based on what we see around us and if we could free ourselves from that straitjacket we may find ourselves smashing that glass ceiling! Regardless of what is going on around us…
Women’s Strength
It takes some doing to cast off the images and impressions that we have grown up with. We’re in a kind of double bind; legislation has changed in our favour and most organisations at the very least pay lip service to the idea of gender equality, if not actively promote it. Yet there are still few women in senior positions and the role models are mainly male. The behaviour rewarded is generally male. Maybe we women look at those roles and think “I don’t want to be like that, that’s not my style, that’s not me”. That’s certainly true of a lot of the women I coach; what’s on offer doesn’t appeal and many of them end up running their own businesses or dropping out of the competition. (Sam Roddick is a great example of what I mean, see her interview with me here).
Grab the Opportunities
And there is research out there telling us that women are being hardest hit by the recession and that we are still underpaid in comparison to our male colleagues etc. All pretty dispiriting stuff. If we’re not careful we can be overwhelmed and begin to think that there is no point in trying. The truth is it’s not easy for any one, man or woman, to get to a senior position. Yes, I still believe it is harder for a woman for all sorts of reasons but it’s clearly not impossible and I think it’s eminently desirable. There is a lot on offer to help us, if we choose to take advantage of it, like the government saying it is considering imposing quotas for the number of women on British boards if there isn’t a change. What better time to try for a seat on the board! I’ve spoken with some recruitment companies who tell me that they are being asked to put more women on the shortlists they submit but are having trouble finding enough!
Be Honest
So take a few moments to reflect and ask yourself honestly, am I my biggest barrier to career advancement? And if you come up with a yes, you’re not alone. And I’m not having a go at you; there are good reasons why we feel as we do. Yet I know from my coaching of professional women that once we get our heads in the right place, it all becomes a lot easier. Have the confidence to just go for it!
“We are not touched so much by events themselves but by the view we choose to take of them” Epictetus. Choose a different view and the world could be your oyster!
And if you’d are interested in working one to one with me I have a few spaces becoming available this Spring and I’m also taking bookings for my March Speak Up course now!
So, You’ve Got No Confidence?
In my last post I quoted the Institute of Leadership and Management (ILM) ‘Gender and Ambition’, which has identified four main obstacles which hold women back at work:
- Low ambitions and expectations
- Lack of self belief and confidence
- A cautious approach to pursuing career opportunities
- A less than straightforward career path
I wrote about lack of ambition previously and now I’m turning my attention to lack of self belief and confidence. A lack of self belief and confidence is, apparently, a factor in preventing women reaching the top positions.
Do Women Lack Confidence?
Well, it’s a sweeping statement and clearly doesn’t apply to all women all of the time, but in all honesty I’d have to say so much of what I do when working with women is about building confidence. That’s not to say we women lack confidence in all areas but in the world of work we do sometimes waver and feel less confident than our skills and qualities merit. In fact, studies show we downplay our skills at work. While men overplay their strengths….
Why Women Lack Confidence?
I have come to believe that one of the reasons women admit to a lack of confidence (and I use that word advisedly as I suspect women are more honest in surveys!) in the professional field is because we are often working in an arena designed by men. Male behaviours which don’t come naturally to us are rewarded. Management courses, (certainly all the ones I did) don’t question the prevailing wisdom. That is certainly true of anyone in the old established professions like finance, banking, and government. We women had no role when these institutions were set up. And so we see women dropping out, and not just to have babies!
Changes have of course been made but by and large male norms still apply. Male behaviour is rewarded. Do you remember the shocking news a while back that some professional and ambitious women were actually taking testosterone to enable them to behave more like men?
Women and Men – Equal but Different
That made me weep. Why, in this day and age, the 21st century, do women still feel inadequate if they can’t behave like men?
There is a huge spectrum of behaviour which can be described as male and female and I don’t want to pigeon hole anyone into any stereotype of behaviour. But I most certainly don’t want to see women feeling they have to deny their femininity to achieve success. If you can’t be true to yourself how can you act with confidence?
Speak Up
I’ve written masses about this in the pages of this site; it’s my passion. For years I have been working with women to feel good about being themselves, to let that inner confidence out. I devour every bit of information I can get my hands about gender research, in order to make the point that the world needs both men and women performing to their best, and there is plenty of evidence that it improves the bottom line and improves service. And it’s just right, dammit!
Which is what Speak Up is about. I have taken all that information and acquired experience and turned it into a great course for women. We’ll look at how men behave (not disparagingly, that’s not what it’s about!) and together explore strategies for female success! And it will improve women’s confidence!
Share Your Thoughts
Do let me know what you think about this; I’d love to hear. Have you experienced times when you had to curb your natural instincts? Have you noticed this with male colleagues who also don’t apply to the macho stereotype? Do you think this is old hat, no longer an issue? (Younger women often do, although you only have to look at the few numbers of women on boards still to know something isn’t right…)
Tell me, share your stories!
And if you’d like to know more about Speak Up, click the link, or call me on 01761 438749
Photo Credit: Mattox
3 Top Tips for a Confidence Boost!
Confidence. When we’ve got it all manner of things become easier. When we’ve lost it all manner of things become harder…
It’s such a nebulous thing but fortunately there are things we can do to boost our confidence when the confidence wobble strikes.
Here are 3 of my favourite tips for becoming more confident:
1) Take a deep breath.
Not too deep – don’t hyperventilate! If you can, plant your feet firmly on the floor, hold your torso as straight as you can (stay comfortable), breathe out as much air from your lungs as is comfortable and now breathe in. Feel the breath flowing through your body. Try that a couple of times and then just breathe normally.
When we begin to feel lacking in confidence we tend to want to make ourselves small, hunch up and try not to be seen. That has the effect of further decreasing our confidence. (Read An Easy Confidence Boost for the science!) Looking more confident and allowing your body to breathe properly actually helps you to be more confident! Try it now.
2) Tame Your Inner Sabateur
We’ve all got one. That little voice just waiting for our defences to drop before it kicks in. On my Renewyou course I call this the internal mail that you really need to delete before reading it. Recognise the subject heading and do not open!
Take a few moments to listen to your inner dialogue when lacking in confidence. It may be something like “You can’t do that“, “What are you thinking? You’ll look ridiculous“, “Better to say nothing and not take a risk“, “Don’t get above yourself“, “You didn’t get the job last time, don’t put yourself through that again“.
You can really boost your confidence by harnessing that inner saboteur and converting it to your side. The negative message is very powerful in sapping confidence but the good news is that a positive message can be very powerful in boosting your confidence! Turn the negative into a positive. For more information on how to do this take a look at Tips on Positive Thinking but in essence talk kindly to yourself and be your own best friend.
3. Get Back in Your Zone of Confidence
Take yourself back in your mind’s eye to a time when it did come together. It may have been at school, in a previous job, or maybe just yesterday! Often we have confidence in certain areas of our lives and not in others. So we’ll happily undertake a half marathon but are fearful of public speaking. Or vice versa…
Focus on your confident area and remember there once was a time when you couldn’t do that either. (Read First You Wobble, not least because it has a lovely picture which will make smile!). We get confident by having a go at something. If you can think yourself in the frame of mind when you are good at doing something, it’ll boost your confidence for that first time feeling. (Hope I’m making sense here!!). Take a few moments out to see yourself being good at something and shift your focus from failure to success!
If you have any tips to share on how to boost confidence, please do use the comments section below. I love to hear from you! And if you’ve enjoyed this post you might like to get them sent straight to your in box – simply fill in your email in the RSS box, top right of this page!
Photo Credit: Beth McDonald
Women, have you got PRESENCE?
I wrote in What Every Woman Needs To Know about an ex colleague who managed to make herself almost invisible. All without the aid of magic.
Making ourselves invisible is a natural consequence of feeling a lack of confidence. Confidence shows through in your body language, (as does arrogance, impatience, and a myriad of other things!) Women feeling a lack of confidence do not want to draw attention to themselves and some get very good at it! (Take a look at Women’s Confidence, where is it? if this is of particular interest to you)
Star Quality
Just what is star quality? Try and think of someone you know who has star quality, a presence. Often we say it’s something intangible but you can break it down; it helps if you have an example in mind. Think about a woman you admire, preferably in your field and imagine her now, walking confidently into a meeting. What does she do? And as importantly, see in your mind’s eye, what doesn’t she do?
Making an Entrance
When I’m talking about assertiveness to groups I often run through the following little drama of entering the room. First the unassertive entrance.
I peer through the pane of glass in the door and then wait a second or two. I open it slightly and then, using the smallest space possible, I squeeze myself in through the gap. With a technique worth of the SAS or a Navy Seal I hug the outside wall until I eventually come to my place where, making myself as small as possible, I slide into my seat muttering a barely heard apology for a transgression no one knows I’ve committed! I’m early so only about 3 people have witnessed my entrance and I’m able to choose the most unobtrusive seat I can!
There is a fine line between the arrogant, nay even rude entrance and the assertive, confident one.
The Arrogant Entry goes something like this – my voice is heard first outside in the corridor, loudly telling anyone in earshot that Oh Gawd, I’m 20 minutes late for yet another meeting so gotta dash darling, must do lunch, mwah ,mwah!
By now everyone is alerted to my entry so eyes are on the door which I burst open noisily and enter the room, dragging my huge bag behind me and making for the farthermost seat, inconveniencing any number of people who have to move their chairs, where I sit noisily down in my chair, tell everyone how utterly up to my eyes in important work I am, faff about getting a coffee, ask the chair which agenda item we’re on! (I haven’t had to use my imagination for this little scenario at all – seen it many times as I bet so have you). Everyone knows I have arrived and equally everyone is annoyed with me; but they do notice me and I have totally eclipsed the wee mouse hiding somewhere in the room. She has fallen into my shadow immediately and is guaranteed not to speak at all now.
The Assertive Entry. The assertive woman is probably not late because she values her own time, and respects the time of others. She will probably arrive just a moment or two before the meeting starts giving her time to settle, arrange her notes, exchange a word or two, network etc. She will open the doors plenty wide enough to walk through, walk in, look around the room smiling at colleagues she knows, and stride confidently towards her seat. She may sit near the most influential person in the room (assuming she’s not it) as she knows that most eyes will be turned that way, allowing her to take the floor more easily than poor wee mouse who is tucked away at a corner, hidden by Gerald from accounts who takes up an enormous amount of space with his electronic note book AND lap top, spreadsheets and pile of handouts for everyone present. And he’s leaning forwards, arms on the table so mouse would have to stand to be seen and there’s no danger of that!
Assertive woman does not invade other’s space but she takes up enough to be comfortable. She pushes her chair back a little, leans forward with her arms on the table and makes eye contact around the room. She will speak early on in the meeting, possibly standing to do so, and she will not allow herself to be inappropriately interrupted by the men because she is prepared for this eventuality, (she might even have read my post on Why Can’t Women Speak their Minds in the Boardroom? or Men and Women Talk Differently)
She has a presence borne out of confidence in herself.
Do you recognise anyone here? I confess in my time I’ve possibly done all three! But I like to think as I grew in experience and confidence that assertiveness woman was my default operating mode. How about you?
Are you interested in a course for professional women? Check out Speak Up, running late autumn.
Photo Credit: Marinela Prodan
What Every Woman Needs to Know about Confidence
Confidence is such an elusive concept. How do you define something so intangible? (That’s both a rhetorical and an actual question! I’d love to know what you think!)
I’ve written many times about women and confidence as it’s often a feature of my coaching with women. Some days we’re brimful of it; others it simply deserts us.
And once we start to feel a lack of confidence it can become all consuming. We begin to focus so much on it that we soon become enmeshed in a downward spiral and can think of little else but our lack of confidence. Making us feel less confident…
Be More Confident
A survey by Gallop found that people were happiest at work when they had an opportunity to do what they did best every day.
Research into coping with depression and stress has found that focussing on the negatives in life does not lift the depression; you know you can make yourself feel miserable by thinking about something miserable in your life.
On the plus side you can make yourself feel brighter by thinking about something good in your life. Try it now. A famous sports photographer said he gets his subjects to think about the time they won a great competition and than snaps away as he sees that sparkle come into their features. Think about a good time in your life, when you felt confident and in control.
You can make yourself feel more confident by doing something you are good at! When the dip strikes don’t spend ages beating yourself up up about it or struggling to find a cause. Nip it in the bud as fast as you can by doing something that makes you feel good, that gives you a boost. And then in that frame of mind, go back and take a fresh look at your issue and you’ll see it from an entirely fresh perspective. You might not be able to see it at all.
RenewYou Women’s Course
If you’d like to spend a whole day with me looking at your life from a positive perspective and learn techniques to increase your confidence come and join me in Bristol on my Renewyou course!
And if you have your own techniques and tips to keep your confidence high, please share them with us!
Photo Credit: Katarzina Lipinska
First You Wobble, Then You Walk Tall!
There are loads of things, millions of things, gadzillions of things that once you couldn’t do.
And then you had a go at them, like walking, writing, talking, swimming, riding a bike, starting school, making friends. Add your own.
At first you were wobbly. You had to practise. You needed a bit of help and support.
And then you became proficient.
And you grew your confidence and so you tried something else.
It’s no different now. You have to go through the wobbly stage to walk tall, in your career and your life. You may need a bit of support from time to time, so ask for it. It’s only a bit of wobbling, so go on, really push yourself and grow taller today!
Photo Credit: Simona Balint
