More to Life Than Shoes

Now, I’d better begin this review with a disclaimer, I am featured in this book and rather thrilled about it. Now you know the truth…

The thing is, even if I wasn’t I genuinely would like this book! It’s sub titled ‘How to Kick-Start Your Career and Change Your Life’ and it’s a great book to pick up when you need, well, a kick to get moving!

The book is not really a traditional manual telling you how to get a new a job; it’s jam packed full of stories from women who have changed their lives and followed their passions, interspersed with snippets and articles from professionals in the field. There is some great advice and the women who have shared their stories really will inspire you. Within the pages you’ll find stories from Sarah Beeny and  a female fighter pilot, just to name two!

Here’s an example of what you can find within the covers:

“Try This: Skill Swap
One way of getting help without actually paying any money for it is to swap skills. We’re sure you have loads of skills you could offer to someone in exchange for the helping you out. You might be good at gardening, speaking Spanish, sewing, typing or getting your head round the accounts – whatever the strings to your bow, write them down, and then get together with your friends and set up a Skill Swap.”

It’s written in a very easy to read style, and packaged in a small neat book you can easily take with you to work, or on a journey to dip into as required. At £8.99 it won’t break the bank and could be a brilliant investment in your future brilliant career. It’s published by Hayhouse and available from all good bookshops, or your library will order a copy for you (use the libraries!), or you can get a copy via Amazon

And my bit? Well, Nadia Finer and Emily Nash, the authors, asked if they could use something I had written called Ten Tops Tips for Managing Difficult Conversations. It was a free download I was sending out with my newsletter and they had received it when subscribing. Well, they certainly inspired me as it set me on the path of rewriting the tips into a much longer ebook for subscribers. And it’s still free!

Bring In the Bling This Week!

Mid February, time for a bit of bling, don’t you think? Can you bring a bit of bling into your life this week?

Sequins

Last night I was sewing sequins. (I love how that sounds!) Yes, last night I was sewing sequins!

Don’t panic, I’ve not taken up ballroom dancing and am now sewing 1000s of sequins onto my ball gown (although that is an idea…). I was sewing them onto something I’d made that I decided just needed a tiny lift. The item was perfectly fine as it was but that tiny bit of bling lifted it into something else. The addition of a few sequins cast light where needed and made something ordinary just a little bit more special. It only added about an hour to the overall time of the project but made a big difference.

Scatter Your Sequins

And that set me to thinking about the coming week. Without really considering it too much, we’ll all probably work reasonably hard and get perfectly reasonable results. A fairly ordinary week.

But if you wanted to lift this week out of the ordinary, if you wanted to scatter a few sequins around, add some bling to your week, cast light to show case you or your work, what would that mean for you?

Would it be rising to a challenge? Making a new friend? Sticking your head above the parapet on a work issue? Signing up for a course? Wearing brighter clothes? Taking a risk in your personal life?

Think about it. Don’t worry at this stage about doing it. Just take a pause and think:

”What could I do to lift this week out of the ordinary?’

Then imagine yourself doing it.

Then imagine how you might feel after you’ve done it.

Now do it!

What are your added sequins for this week? I’d love to know if you’re happy to share!

Take Off Your Pyjamas!

Actually, that’s a message to me; I promise I haven’t suddenly gone all weird on you (well, no weirder than normal!) Read on…

Last week a lovely researcher from BBC’s Women’s Hour contacted me about a comment I’d made on women changing their names after marriage. I didn’t change mine and frankly am always nonplussed that women do, (although I respect everyone’s right to do what they want!) It’s not a legal requirement in UK, more a convention that has its roots in women having no rights and belonging to their husbands, but I’ll step off my women and empowerment soap box and get on with the post!

Radio Star?

The plan was that if time permitted, I would be called to share my views with the panel on the Women’s Hour programme, hosted by Jane Garvey. It wouldn’t really be decided until the day but if I was wanted I’d get a call about 10.00. I had no qualms about what I might say but didn’t expect to be thinking about what I was wearing. This was radio after all!

Now this may come as a shock to you, (!) but when I am working from home I am more likely to be found in old joggers and outsize jumper than smart working gear. And sometimes (sit down now) I don’t even get dressed until I have written for an hour or three and suddenly realise it’s 10.30! I know, it’s totally shocking! I am not always immaculate! As you all are…all the time…I expect. (Although I never coach in my jimjams. I just can’t do it!)

Dressing UP

So, 9.00 a.m. found me at my pc having already responded to several emails and I suddenly realised I wasn’t properly dressed. There was no one in the house, I wasn’t coaching, had no meetings, and the postman’s seen it all before. But I knew I couldn’t stay like that. If Jane spoke to me I am sure she would have known I was dishabille!

So I had to go and get dressed as I do when I’m working, proper working you know, with people looking at me!

I made myself laugh out loud, but actually there is a slightly serious point to be made here. Looking like a scruffy old woman would have taken a little bit of my confidence away. Dressing like someone who knew what she was talking about actually boosted my confidence, even though no one could see me!

It’s fascinating isn’t it? I think most women feel better if they think they look good but I was surprised that it worked even when no one can hear you scream. I mean see you working.

How about you? Are you affected by what you wear even when alone? I’d love to hear from you, especially if you’re women who work from home!

PS All my dressing efforts were in vain as I never got the call! I was mentioned on the show, but no actual appearance. I’m really glad I didn’t go as far as eye-liner now!

PPS. If the knowledge that I always dress well when coaching has enticed you to work directly with me, click here now!

An Easy Confidence Boost

It’s not usually that easy to acquire confidence; we normally do it over a period of time and by trying out things until we feel more confident doing them, like public speaking. 

But in 2009 researchers at Ohio Sate University discovered that our posture, as well as sending a message about our confidence levels to other people, can send one to us! 

University Study

The study included 71 students at Ohio State.  Participants were told they would be taking part in two separate studies at the same time, one organized by the business school and one by the arts school.

They were told the arts study was examining factors contributing to people’s acting abilities, in this case, the ability to maintain a specific posture while engaging in other activities.  They were seated at a P.C. and instructed to either sit up straight and push out their chest or sit slouched forward with their face looking at their knees.

Then the students participated in the business study, which supposedly investigated factors contributing to job satisfaction and professional performance.

Positive Traits

While holding their posture, students listed either three positive or three negative personal traits relating to future professional performance on the job. Once they’d done this, the students took a survey in which they rated themselves on how well they would do as a future professional employee. 

The results were amazing. The posture of the students had a very significant effect on the answers they gave. 

Stay Upright and Be Positive!

Students who held the upright, confident posture were much more likely to rate themselves in line with the positive or negative traits they wrote down. In other words, if they wrote positive traits about themselves, they rated themselves more highly, and if they wrote negative traits about themselves, they rated themselves lower.

Slouch Down and Be Negative!

However, students who assumed the slumped over, less confident posture, didn’t seem convinced by their own thoughts – their ratings didn’t differ much regardless of whether they wrote positive or negative things about themselves.  

Act ‘As If’

The message seems clear (at least if it is if research with students translates to the rest of us). Acting ‘as if’, i.e. sitting tall and confidently, actually can increase your positivity and along with that your confidence in your own abilities!

What’s your favourite confidence booster?

Tips to Boost Your Confidence

Do you sometimes find yourself losing confidence? Do you have flashes of seeing yourself failing at whatever you want to do? Is lack of confidence in your abilities holding you back from living life to the full?

If you answered yes to any of the above you are not alone. Very few of us get by without the occasional blip in our confidence levels. And even the most confident of people have moments when they feel they just can’t do it. Honestly!

The good news is that we can learn to be confident! Confidence is a feeling and we are in charge of our feelings!

I Feel…?

The next time the confidence wobble strikes, take a few moments to acknowledge just how you are feeling. Make a conscious attempt to slow your breathing (just being aware of it can help slow it) and note how you feel physically and emotionally. Are you hot, or in a cold sweat, or even shaking slightly? Do you feel anxious, nervous, or even angry? Try to be quite specific and honest with yourself.

Slowing your breathing will help with the nervousness. Practise doing that until it comes easily to you, but don’t hyperventilate!

Internal mail

Now focus on what is your internal mail saying to you. You may be so used to hearing it that you don’t even realise it’s there. It’s like spam, unwanted messages piling into your in box.

But in this case simply deleting it is not enough because once it’s in there it’s already infecting everything else, so we have to neutralise it. Your automatic spam mail is sapping your confidence, slowly and insidiously, like a virus.

You may hear phrases like:

“You’re getting above yourself here”

“Keep in the background, no one is interested in you”

“You’re too stupid to take part in this conversation”

“Don’t challenge the status quo, don’t rock the boat!”

“People like you don’t get jobs like that”

Ring any bells? Honestly we all do it; the trick is to be aware of it, and then stop it before it gets too strong a hold in any one situation.

And then make it work for you.

Work for You

Take your spammy message and make it positive.

Keep it simple.

Keep it positive.

Keep it real.

For example, “You’re too stupid…”. Where did that come from? If you spend long enough thinking about it, it might have been a phrase from a teacher that haunts you, or even a casual throw away comment from parents or guardians that hit you at a vulnerable time. And you may have been unconsciously nurturing it ever since, allowing it to grow and flourish.

Time to let it go. You are clearly not stupid but constantly giving yourself that negative message is sapping your confidence. You are making yourself feel stupid.

Saying it to yourself has become habit, possibly even a comforting habit. So simply not saying it will be difficult. You need to replace it with something that works for you, and only you know what that is. It has to be something that you would say so taking someone else’s words or mantra probably won’t work.

Your new message needs to be something along the lines of “I am as good as everyone else here” or “My views are useful” or “I’ll give it a go – I’ll survive”

Confidence Mantra

Take a moment now to design your own confidence mantra. Think of it as your spam control. When that insidious  message creeps in again, zap it with the powerful mantra. You’ll need to practise a few times but it will work. Those little messages are well lodged and will want to stay, but you can get rid of them! You can you know! You are much more powerful than a few words!

“No one can make you feel inferior without your own consent”- Eleanor Roosevelt. Great quote!