How to Cope with Worry

We all worry about life from time to time; it’s natural and probably necessary. But sometimes an ordinary amount of worry can get out of control and spiral into anxiety, eroding our enjoyment of life.

Here’s a tip I use when coaching to help clients control their worrying:

Coaching Exercise

Allow yourself to develop the worry. Take it to the extreme as in ‘What is the worst possible outcome?’ Simply articulating this can help enormously and if you can visualise yourself dealing with the worst case scenario it will help.

Then imagine what is the best possible outcome?

And finally, looking at all the evidence and information you have, what is the most realistic outcome?

How do you manage life’s wee worries? Do you have a favourite tip to share? I’d love to hear it!

Manage Yourself

It’s funny how themes seem to emerge when I’m coaching. Recently three different clients were experiencing very similar problems; a disinterested boss.

They weren’t being bullied, they loved their jobs, the pay was fine, the environment was fine. They simply had managers who took very little interest in what they did and in their development.

Survey

It’s not surprising it bothered them so much; a survey from Gallop revealed that having a manager who took an interest in, and regularly praised staff, was in the top ten factors for satisfaction with work.

My clients had partly solved their dilemma by investing in coaching (and one had persuaded her boss to pay, clever her!) but if that’s not an option what can you do?

Tips for Managing Yourself

You can’t rely on getting  a good manager but if you’ve had one in the past, it helps to be specific about what made them good. Your list of requirements may be very different from someone else so just be honest about what you need.

• Is it support to do your job?
• Is it an ear to act as a soundboard for ideas?
• Is it to be stretched, developed and challenged?
• Is it to signpost you to further training?
• Is it to connect with other areas of your company, be kept in the loop?
• Do you need some validation or praise for your role?

Once you have specified for yourself what you are missing, think widely about your network and see if you can get these elements elsewhere in the organisation.

For example, if several of you feel the same, you might be able to set up a lunch time support group. Or maybe a professional group when each person takes turns to present a case/example/issue for discussion? This is a very good way to develop everyone!

Co-Coaching

Maybe co-coaching is the way to go? Find another person with a similar interest to you in their career, not necessarily someone you really like, (but respecting them is essential.)

Agree the aims and boundaries of your co-coaching arrangement. You may choose, for example, to meet for 45 minutes in a lunch hour. One of you has fifteen minutes to share your issue when all attention is focussed on the speaker (no sharing of anecdotes or butting in with your own experiences). The listener can speak but only to clarify her understanding of the issues.

The remaining 30 minutes are dedicated to looking at strategies to help the speaker. At the end of the session you should have a mini action plan for strategies to try with a date by which they will be done. the next session you swap roles.

Listen and Prepare

I use this type of partnership working on my training and it’s amazing how successful it can be. The key is to really listen and for the speaker to prepare beforehand, be honest and listen to the suggestions offered in return.

If you’ve tried this I”d love to know if it worked for you. And if you’ve any tips to share, let’s hear them!

P.S. If you’d like to discuss your own coaching options, you can simply call me on 01761 438749, no obligation, or use this link

Some Coaching Questions for Women

Life Coaching for Women

One of the most common coaching dilemmas presented to me when coaching women is- how can I continue to make progress in my business/career as well as maintaining a good work life balance?

What makes a good work life balance varies from individual to individual but the issues for women are often around still trying to do it all, the curse of Superwoman! Like managing a home, being a carer for either children or elderly parents, general household tasks (studies still show that a higher percentage of housework is done by women regardless of status of work), let alone actually find some time for themselves!

Coaching Questions for Work Life Balance

These are some of the questions I ask when talking about work life balance with women. How do you feel about your answers?

1.) How many hours a week do you spend at work and travelling to work?

2.) How often do you think or worry about work (when you are not actually at work or travelling to work)?

3.) How do you feel about the amount of time you spend at work, travelling to work or thinking about it?

4.) How often do you take a lunch break lasting more than 30 minutes? Away from your desk/office?

5.) Do you ever miss out on quality time with your family and or friends because of pressure of work?

6.) Does work ever have a negative effect on your personal life?

7.) When was the last time you did something for yourself rather than for someone else?

8.) Do you ever feel anxious or upset because of what is happening at work?

9.) When was the last time you lost your temper at work?

10.) Do you ever feel tired or depressed because of work?

If you are unhappy with some of your answers it may be time to make some changes and to have an assertive conversation with significant people in your life, be that at work or home.

Share the Wisdom

Have you been around in your organisation for some time? Or are you an expert in your field? Do you have a lot of knowledge and experience of life?

If you answered yes to any of the above, are you sharing that wealth of wisdom around?

Talk to any successful woman about what has helped them in their career, and at some point they will tell you about significant people in their lives who have mentored them.

What is a Mentor?

There are as many types of mentor as there are people looking to be mentored. Sometimes they are our role models, people we admire and aspire to be like.

Sometimes they are people with a great knowledge of a subject that we respect and want to learn from. Or they may be people older than us with wisdom gained through life experience.

Or they may be professionals, like me, who coach individuals with a clear contract on both sides.

The aims are usually the same:

To help another person to develop personally or professionally

To nurture talent

To help people find solutions to the problems they are facing

Just consider for  a moment what you might have to offer someone, maybe someone new at your workplace? When training I find women have many more skills and talents than they give themeselves credit for. Don’t let all that experience and knowledge go to waste. Share the wealth! Who could YOU mentor?