The Answer to Your Problems in 10 Letters!
Seeking answers to the meaning of life? Got a problem to solve? I have the answer for you -
It’s Crosswords!
Probably….
Problem Solving
Regular blog readers will know that I love crosswords. My favourite is the Sunday one which is particularly cryptic and takes me most of the week to complete (I say ‘complete’; usually there is one clue that drives me bonkers and I never solve!)
Over time I have got to know the style of the setters and try and tune into it on starting. So some I know will be tilting towards anagrams and others have a bias toward general knowledge for example. So when looking for clues that’s where I start; I’m either looking for anagrams or dredging up my general knowledge.
Stuck with a Problem?
And when I get stuck I put the puzzle down and pick it up the next day when the answer will often be staring me in the face! How could I possibly have missed it the day before?
The truth is of course, that I have been looking at the same problem for too long and got stuck in my self imposed terms of reference. As in:
“This is probably an anagram as the same amount of letters are in the clue as in the grid and this setter loves anagrams.”
When I take a fresh look and (crucially) forget about the anagram thing I seem to leave space in my mind for the answer to appear!
Like life, eh? Sometimes we have a problem that we’re just stuck with no matter how much time we have devoted to solving it. Sometimes we need a fresh pair of eyes to look, either our own or someone else’s. And sometimes we have to let go of our sacred cows, our own internally imposed restrictions and parameters.
Problem Solving Exercise
If you’re problem is a person try to imagine them as someone else. Let go of your preconceived ideas of what you think they are like and try to really LISTEN to them afresh. Imagine you know almost nothing about them. Your ideas of where they are coming from probably means you’re not really hearing them but instead are:
a) thinking of your next riposte
or
b) only hearing the bits that fit your preconceived idea of what and who they are.
Neither is particularly helpful in arriving at a good outcome.
And if your problem is not people focussed, try leaving it for a while and coming back to it. Go for a walk, try doodling, listen to music. Put your focus elsewhere and give your brain a boost and then come back to it and get creative!
If you enjoyed this, take a look at this article from the archives on problem solving. If you’re facing a problem there’s lots of advice on the blog – hope it’s helpful to you!
And if you’ve been thinking about working one to one I have some spaces available very soon! Give me a call on 01761 438749 or use the contact page. I promise you I don’t talk in anagrams!
Photo Credit: Katia Grimmer-Laversanne
Cooking and Coaching!
I have just been baking, one of my favourite activities. And while baking, I was reminded of when I used to ‘teach’ cookery to lads in a youth club.
The lads were mainly from difficult or deprived backgrounds and regular truants. Violence was a feature of their daily lives. Hardly good prospects for cookery classes! Yet they loved it! And I never had any bother at all (although one boy did think it was really funny to hide in a cupboard and leap out brandishing a cook’s knife just as I was demonstrating how to separate eggs…)
Talking is Good
Teaching someone a new skill, or adding to their skill base, is a great place to talk things through and we had some amazing conversations over sieved flour! Nowadays I suppose it might be called coaching. For the boys it was general chat about life (with some discrete input from me) as we measured, stirred, cooked and created something together.
I took A level Home Economics at school (does that still exist?) and loved the chat and discussion as much as the cooking. With hindsight probably too much!
And when I was a social worker, working with traumatized children, it was always good to do something practical with them. It’s always easier to talk about ‘difficult’ things when you don’t have to look directly at someone, when you’re engaged in a practical activity, particularly for youngsters.
And now, I still find cooking a good place to gather my thoughts; it’s almost meditative. (Well, until I day dream too much and the pan boils over!) I often think I should maybe set up a cooking and coaching course!
When do you have some of your best thoughts?
Why Am I Turning Clients Away?
I suddenly realised that I have turned away quite a few clients over the last three months. No, I haven’t suddenly turned into a prima donna (well, I don’t think I have) but I have had several enquiries from people who actually weren’t in the right place to take advantage of coaching; for me to have taken them on would have been to have taken advantage of them.
In each case the people concerned were in quite distressed states. I am not qualified as a medic but I have worked in the field of psychiatry and can usually tell when someone is depressed as opposed to miserable or fed up. I always offer a free session before anyone signs up for coaching (in fact, if I don’t know the individual, I insist on it as all good coaches do). That session is a two way process. It’s for me to find out what the person is looking to achieve from coaching and for them to check out if my style suits them.
Depression
And just lately I have been speaking to people who are clearly very distressed and looking for a very quick fix. I think this is a sign of the times we’re living in. Sometimes coaching can provide a quick answer but not when, as in these cases, the problems are deep seated. In each case the person has been very vulnerable and I have advised contact with a GP, and recommended action where they don’t need to pay a fee. When they have been insistent that I am just what they need, I have asked them to check out with a doctor and call me in a month’s time if they still think coaching will be helpful.
It’s great when they come back on a more even keel and better prepared to get the most of the coaching experience. And when they don’t, I just hope that they have received appropriate help and no longer need coaching, and have not been taken in by some of the spurious claims made for miracle cures.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t just abandon them; I offer my support and advice as far as I am able but I am very clear that sometimes coaching is not the answer!
If you are considering coaching, there is more on this subject here.
Are You Good Enough?
Sometimes good enough is good enough.
If you find yourself unable to ever settle for less than perfection there’s a strong likelihood that you spend much of your life feeling very pressurised and stressed. Perfection in all areas at all times is rarely a realistic aim.
That doesn’t mean one shouldn’t strive for it, but if you are constantly unhappy with your less than perfect attempts you will never do anything: it can stultify you, and stop you from experimenting and trying new things. Being a perfectionist can stop you learning and growing and hold back your personal development. If ‘Be Perfect’ is one of your drivers, try ‘Good Enough’ for a day!
Sometimes good enough is good enough!
What do you think?
Is Prejudice Holding You Back?
Albert Einstein once said:
“Common sense is the set of prejudices we acquire before the age of 18“.
And our prejudices are formed by our early experiences and influences:the culture we live in, the type of schools we attend, the friends we have, our significant adults-parents, teachers, relatives. It all helps to fix in us an idea of what is ‘normal’.
Knowing and understanding what your own prejudices are will help you see the world differently and open up so many more opportunities for you! We tend to seek out people who are like us, people we have a shared interests with who as a ‘normal’ as we are.
When I’m working one to one, sometimes my task is to tease out what prejudices may be holding my client back from being where they want to be. Knowing what your own prejudices are can be immensely liberating and is the first step in neutralising any negative effects.
So this week, why not try striking up a relationship with someone outside of your ‘normal’ range! Try reading about the political policies of the party you don’t support. Listen to someone at work as if you have no preconceived ideas or knowledge about them – just take their words at face value, free from your prejudices about them. It will give you a new depth of understanding and perspective.
And let me know how you get on!
Career Tips for Women # 15
Just occasionally when I’m coaching within a corporate contract,* I come across women unhappy with their career progress but seemingly unwilling to do anything about it. They are waiting for some mythical ‘them‘ to notice how good they are and offer them training, development and a better job!
If you are not progressing as you wish in your job the responsibility rests with you to do something about it. No one cares about it as much as you do, and no one will put as much genuine effort and investment in positive change as you.
Take Advantage
Step one, take a look around your organisation and see what it can offer you. Not everthing is advertised or well known to all staff. For example, if you can’t get funding from an employer to take more professional qualifications, perhaps you can negotiate study leave, or encourage the learning & development department to order the books you need. Ask Personnel/Human Resources what is actually on offer to help staff progress.
Step two, talk to your manager and make sure she/he knows of your aspirations. Ask to be considered for any projects which will help, volunteer to go to meetings representing your area, join professional associations which will help increase both your knowledge and profile, and network appropriately.
Step three, if there isn’t any training or courses being offered which will help you, find out who is offering this training and send the details to your training section or manager. Do the leg work for them; instead of complaining about lack of training you need be positive and proactive.
Take Control
And finally, if what your employer has to offer is not enough, do it yourself. I have met some amazing women through my courses who have funded their own qualification, or worked for free, or attended night school, or saved enough to do a full time course. I know about them because they are always the enthusiastic ones who stay around after the course has finished, extracting every last bit of value from their experience. They are the ones who invest time and effort in themselves and don’t expect anyone else to do it for them!
* ie The women I’m coaching are funded by their workplace. By definition, women who are investing in coaching themselves are the ones taking responsibility for their own development.
PS If you’re not sure what a great job is for you, but know you don’t like what you’re doing now, I have the perfect answer for you! Click here!
