Don’t fall for it.

Take a moment now to think about your best festive holiday times? My guess is that they won’t have been reliant on perfect table linen, professional floral arrangements, massively expensive gifts and an ‘advertisement perfect’ family.

Three Things for Christmas Perfection

List three things that make a festive holiday perfect for you; pick from emotions and feelings as well as material things. It’s very easy to get caught up in materialism and beating yourself up for not being the perfect hostess. If you take a little time now to really focus on what makes the season special for you and your family and friends, that’s where you can direct your energies for the next few weeks, and where you can see a real return in creating your idea of perfect Festive Time.

Forget the Matching Candles!

I love Christmas and I have done my fair share of wittering about matching candles, trying to do it all myself, and wanting a spotless house looking like something from Ideal Home. In the end none of that really matters. If people step across your threshold into a wall of tension and simmering discontent it doesn’t matter how perfect it all looks. No one will relax and enjoy themselves, least of all you.

Resolve now to make this festive period one which you enjoy and relax. Aim to create your three most important things as best you can and simply enjoy all the hustle and bustle, lights, music, crowds for what they are, and stop working towards some idealised version of the perfect Christmas!

Please do share your own tips for not only surviving but having fun too!

No, I don’t mean watching where you put your feet (although that is always sensible!!) I mean watching what company you keep. If you find this time of year stressful, for whatever reason, then do your best to avoid those individuals who raise your stress levels.

This can be difficult if you always invite so and so, or always go to a paticular relative for Christmas, so stop and think to yourself, why always? Why not something different this year? Why not say. “no, not this time”, or “yes, but just for half a day”?

Look after yourself! Stand by the radiators!

Rule number one, there are no rules! What ‘rules’ or traditions have you invented over the years and are they still relevant to your Christmases today? It may be that you are giving yourself unnecessary stress and work, so just take a moment to think if you have to do it the way you have always done.

• Keep a glass of water on hand to stay hydrated and sip at to stop you making that riposte you’ll regret.
• Have some essential oil of lavender to hand to calm you and anyone else. It helps with feelings of stress, just put a few drops on a tissue, in the bath, or on your pillow.
• Take the air. Even if it is just a walk into the garden.
• Delegate and let everyone get involved in preparations.
• Realise that you are responsible for your thoughts so don’t give yourself a hard time with guilt.
• Breathe well and walk. Even ten minutes outside can help. There is a breathing exercise below.
• If you are alone and would like company maybe consider working with a local charity on the 25th.

And finally, Christmas can be especially difficult if we have experienced loss or traumatic events during the year. Don’t try and ignore these (the tension inside you will just build up) but honour or acknowledge them. If it is a loss of someone close, then maybe light a special candle for them during the day; you don’t even have to tell anyone, it can be your special ritual. Or you might like to buy the type of present they would have liked and give it to an appropriate charity in their memory. If it’s a particularly bad time that you have had, recognise that you have survived this far and treat yourself in some small way. Maybe even have your own candle and space for reflection. Being sad is not wrong.

If you can’t get outside and get some fresh air take yourself to a quiet space and try the following breathing exercise but please make sure that you only do what feels comfortable for you. With a little practice the following should only take about three minutes but you will feel the benefits for much longer:

De-focus or close your eyes (it is better if you can actually close your eyes as it slows the brainwaves more).

1. Take a slow deep, lower lung breath in ensuring that you expand the lower lung first (put your hand there to feel it expanding first, it takes practice).
2. Hold just for a comfortable moment or two.
3. Slowly exhale and as you do, consciously relax the muscles around your neck and shoulders.
4. Breathe normally for a few breaths, continuing to relax the muscles on the outward phase of each breath. (This phase of normal breathing stops you hyperventilating by inhaling too much oxygen too quickly).
5. Take another slow, deep, lower lung breath in, ensuring that you expand the lower lung first
6. Hold for a comfortable moment or two.
7. Slowly exhale and as you do, consciously relax the muscles around your jaw and mouth.
8. Breathe normally for a few breaths, continuing to relax the muscles on the outward phase of each breath.
9. Take another slow, deep lower lung breath in, ensuring that you expand the lower lung first.
10. Hold for a comfortable moment or two.
11. Slowly exhale and, as you do, consciously relax the muscles around the eyes, eyebrows, cheeks and forehead.
12. Breathe normally, continuing to relax the muscles around the body on each outward breath.
13. Return gently to full alertness. (You can count yourself out of this relaxed state by slowly counting from 1 to 5 as you gradually bring yourself back to a state of alertness. Do this slowly, stretching your fingers and toes if you can.

This seems complicated but in essence is just three deep lower lung breaths interspersed with normal breaths done with eyes closed or de-focussed. Practice it often, ideally several times every day. Always start by breathing out first so you don’t take too deep a breath initially and use any techniques you may have been taught specific to your needs.