Self Esteem and Change

When we find ourselves in a state of change (over which we have no control, like a major reorganisation) our levels of confidence and self esteem can drop. In a Gallop poll on what makes for a good workplace ‘knowing what my job is and what’s expected of me’ came out as number one.

During periods of change we rarely know what’s expected of us, or what our job will be. And that leads to a fall off in productivity, less work satisfaction, and a loss of self worth. And this loss of self worth occurs just at the time we need to feel on top, to be on the radar for new roles!

Change Exercise

Here’s an exercise to try out to boost your confidence. It is crucial to remember that you are much, much more than the job you do. You have multiple skills and qualities gained over your life. Some you use in your current role; some you have probably forgotten that you even have.

Take a sheet of paper, draw up four columns headed ‘work’, ‘home/life’, ‘hobbies’ and ‘other’. The columns are just for guidance so don’t get bogged down with them.

Now list every single skill or attribute that you can think of. You don’t have to be an expert, just have some knowledge in it. It’s simply knowledge you could share if asked.

For example, you may have experienced some life events that you’ve never actually evaluated, like a divorce. The increased knowledge and experience from this will be massive but you’ve probably just absorbed it into your life without fully appreciating the experience gained. It will have included managing finances, managing loss, forging a new life, new friends, maybe helping children and family come to terms with the change, possibly involvement through the courts. Take time to think about it.

Maybe you have acquired a qualification while working, or childrearing? Perhaps you have run a charity stall? Maybe you bake cakes? Perhaps you’ve walked the Pennine way? Help out with a kids’ club? This is really a very wide ranging exercise and anything goes. It doesn’t matter how long ago; those skills, attributes and hard won knowledge are still there, accessible to you if you choose. Hopefully once you actually start the ideas will keep flowing and you will get at least 20 things down. Yes, I do mean 20. Get a friend to help if possible. Better still, do this exercise with  a friend.

Now look down your list. Know that you are much more than the job you do. You’ve gained a lot of experience and skills in your life; they make you who you are. This experience of change will add to those skills and qualities.  You will be stronger. You will survive.

If you are undergoing change at the moment, you may find this post on Does Change Make You Feel Stressed? helpful.

And if you are managing staff through a change process, I can send you a free ebook, simply email me.

Photo Credit: Boris Peterka

That’s because we’re doing something we do habitually in a different way and thus drawing our attention to it. Because we actually want to lose weight, being mindful of what we’re doing helps us control how much we eat (not to mention throwing a fair bit of food down our fronts!)

Be Different!

Habits are great; if we didn’t do things habitually life could be quite difficult. Knowing how to change gear while having our eyes on the road, avoiding a collision, and taking the right route would be quite difficult if we lost the habits associated with that!

But if we want a quick boost, a jump start in our lives then it’s time to do something differently! So have a do something different day! It may be using your non dominant hand for some mundane tasks, like cleaning your teeth. You may take a new route to a favoured destination. Catch a bus and leave the car behind. The possibilities are endless. Doing some things differently will sharpen your appreciation of life. I’m not promising that you’ll lose weight but you will have a different experience of life for one day!

Do share what you choose to do differently in your life!

Photo credit: Vivek Chugh

Individuals and Change

I was making the point that, when we as individuals decide to make a significant change, for those close to us or who work closely with us, our decision to change is a change in their lives over which they have no control. And when we feel we have no control over change we instinctively want to resist it.

If we don’t let the appropriate people in our lives know what we are doing then we can expect them to be potential saboteurs of the change we want to make. They may not even realise they are doing it. But one thing is for sure, if you don’t give them information, communicate with them, they won’t be allies.

Change in the Workplace

Our discussion then became more wide ranging and we began to discuss our experiences of organisational change. Why, asked my group, do senior managers start well but then stop communicating with staff?

I suspect it’s because they themselves are also going through the change process as change may be imposed on them (as in redundancies because of the economic situation) and they are coping with their own feelings. Also, we expect senior managers to have the answers, to know what is going on.

Having been on both sides of the equation I can tell you that they often don’t know what is going on! They know the end result required, i.e. saving money, but the route may be far from clear. Fearful of giving the wrong answers they go to ground and give none; they stop communicating. Bad move, as nature abhors a vacuum and it will be filled! Often with misinformation and rumour.

BBC

Coincidentally, this discussion was almost mirrored on the BBC this morning as they talked to two experts on organisational psychology and change and why change caused us so much stress. A recent survey has shown stress to be the biggest cause of lost working days. Lack of communication was cited as the top reason. Why, asked the interviewer, does knowing more about what is going on help keep stress levels down?

The experts didn’t have much time to respond but this is the answer. Once we have the facts we can take back some control, we can decide how we are going to react. When we’re not told what is going on we’re being treated like children. And guess what? Treat adults like children and you’ll get some childlike behaviour back! Not knowing makes us stressed as we imagine so much worse (magical thinking) and feeling stressed lowers our immunity to the usual bugs and ailments doing the rounds. Even if we think we’re coping well the chances are, if we’re stressed, we’ll end up taking time off for a minor complaint when in normal circumstances we’d womanfully struggle on!

Free Guide for Managers on Change

I have written a guide for managers who have to manage staff through change; I run change seminars within organisations for both managers and staff (any gender!) who are undergoing change. I also worked as project lead for two organisations undergoing huge change: the book is a result of my experiences but, knowing how busy managers are, it’s a short, easy read yet contains everything you need to know!

If you’d like a free copy, and you are a newsletter subscriber, simply go to the contact page on my site and let me know. If you are looking for support within your own organisation, or personally please call on 01761438749, or also use the contact page.

Are you in the midst of significant change? How is it for you? If you’re a manager do you feel you have sufficient support and information? If you are an employee what’s it like for you? Do you know enough about what is happening and why? If you run your own business what’s the biggest problem you face? Please do share your stories!

Also, here you can find a free fact sheet on work related stress from CIPD but you’ll need to register – it’s free.

Photo Credit: Omacaco

We’re in changeable, unpredictable times. Sometimes it feels as if nothing stays static for long and depending on your personality this will alarm or excite you, or you may be very stoical in the face of change.

I’ve worked within many organisations and businesses undergoing major reorganisation, often where people will be losing their jobs. The effects of the change touch everyone, not just those whose jobs are at risk; inevitably sickness levels rise and productivity tails off if attention is not paid to the emotional needs of the employees.  In my experience most organisations begin with good intentions and are committed to looking after their staff but as the change process rolls on this becomes lost in the complexity of doing what is required.

Fox or Hedgehog?

Not everyone is bad at dealing with uncertainty and most of us can improve our coping abilities if  we can find an area where we can exert some control. In my one to one work that’s one of the things I’ll focus on; sometimes the only control we can have is changing how we feel and consequently how we deal with what is going on.

Foxes, it seems, are good at this.

Professor Phil Tetlock from the Psychology department at Pennsylvania University thinks there are 2 styles of thinkers: Hedgehogs are uncomfortable with uncertainty and complexity while Foxes are more able to accept that the world is an uncertain place. Foxes, he posits, use more analytical tools than hedgehogs, and draw their information from many different sources. They are comfortable saying:

“Well, this or that may happen, but I may be wrong“.

They are better at making decisions; the ability to realise they may be wrong about what they are predicting means they make decisions that will have a positive outcome taking into account all possible outcomes. They spread their options and have no problem with being humble.

How to be Good at Change

Become a fox! In essence being a fox means becoming more humble and appreciating that humanity is fallible. You acknowledge that you will make mistakes and plan for them.

Dan Gardner, author of ‘Future Babble: Why Expert Predictions Fail‘ (Amazon link) suggests that if you find being humble difficult you sit down and make some predictions about things you think you know about. Then hide away your predictions for a few months after which time take them out and read them. This he says, will help you realise that you are just as fallible as everyone else as probably you will have not predicted anything with great accuracy.

Flexible Thinking

When times are good we tend to assume they will remain so, hence the huge shock at the economic collapse in 2008. When times are bad we tend to assume that they will only get worse. To be more fox like we should assume the good times are temporary too and be a little more cautious: this is the approach that women often take, see Neuroeconmics – Put Women in Charge. Similarly, when times are bad, remind yourself that they will get better. (I am put in mind of ‘this too will pass‘ my stock mantra)

Predictions

Gardner suggests that if you want to be more flexible in your thinking, when you have a judgement or prediction to make, write down all the reasons why you think that decision is correct. Then think hard about all the reasons why you might be wrong.  I do something similar when working one to one and it can be struggle. Try it though, however difficult. It will help you identify your biases or tendency to ‘magical thinking’; it does help you make better make quality decisions.

Be a foxy lady!

Photo Credit: Christopher Hall

Sadly, you will probably find that not everyone is supportive of your new outlook. It’s not usually because they are unkind people; in fact, it may be those closest to you who seem to be subtly undermining your efforts. And that’s because when you begin to change they can feel threatened.

Change is Good?

You are probably feeling great about having decided to make some positive life changes but for people close to us it can feel like a threat to the status quo. They may not even be aware of it on a conscious level but subconsciously they may be sabotaging your efforts, like offering the woman who wants to lose weight a cream cake!

Your decision to make changes in your life may be viewed as a criticism of what has gone before. They may feel they weren’t ‘good enough’ or that you have been unhappy and they didn’t realise.

Seek Support

You can avoid this by seeking their support early on. Ask them what they think of what you’re planning. Explain why you want to change. You can admit to feeling a bit unsure yourself and explain that their support is important to you. Involve them. Research also shows that women who tell people about their resolutions usually do better in achieving them!

Photo Credit: Pablonsky

I was doing that today surrounded by two very jumpy cats (mine). They always get very edgy on recycling day and run back and forth checking out what I’m up to, then pretending not to notice and indulge in frantic grooming (classic displacement activity…), then pop back to look only to run away frightened again.

This morning, in between making soothing type noises, (the neighbours think I am mad) I found myself wondering why they are always frightened of the noise when it happens every week, (although I guess a week really is a long time in ‘catolotics’.)

Cats and Humans Don’t Like Change

And then I thought, actually the cats are behaving like most of us humans.

Very few of us when faced with a change think that it will be a good thing for us. We either indulge in some frantic grooming type behaviour, i.e. trying to pretend it isn’t happening – denial; or we run about with our tails in the air with no clear purpose  assuming the worst will happen to us!

And very occasionally we are cool cats, and embrace it! We’re bold and take a long hard at what is actually going on and make a more realistic assessment of what it might mean to us, and then get as much out of it as we can.

I haven’t got any cool cats yet but I’m working on them! Here Kitty Kitty Kitty…..

What animal are you like when faced with something new? I like to think I’m more of a Tigger than an Eeyore….

Unfortunately it’s really easy to make yourself fed up; it’ll creep up on you unawares and before you know it you’re succumbing to the grumpy stereotype and tutting indiscriminately. It requires a bit more effort to do the opposite. I am not about to advocate that you turn off the radio, TV, stop reading papers etc (although as a change that is temporarily refreshing) because I believe we should engage with the world and try to change things for the good, as much as we are able.

However, I do think we are in the midst of great change, change over which we have little control and which can cause us to feel the classic symptoms of anger, distress, helplessness, and melancholy. I am as susceptible to this as anyone, despite what I do for a living!  I frequently work with people in huge distress about what is happening to their jobs, to the services they provide, prospects for their children, etc. Their despair is genuine and valid, and I often share it.

But I manage the effect it has on me and you can too!

Manage the Effects of Change

One of the keys to dealing with change is to find an area where you can exert some control. Depending on your circumstances and outside events that will vary wildly from individual to individual. One thing you always have some control over is how you feel and respond to the negative stuff that comes your way. No one has yet cut that! 

I am not suggesting that you get all happy clappy and Pollyanna like and come across like someone who hasn’t a clue what is happening! I don’t want you to stop caring about what is happening to others, or to yourself. Keep taking action on what you believe in, direct the anger to an appropriate cause, try and make a positive difference in the world.

A ‘Control Your Feelings’ Exercise

What am I am suggesting is you try this simple exercise each morning and consciously manage your feelings, don’t let them be managed for you!

• As you start your day, pause and think to yourself  ”How am I feeling? How am I feeling emotionally? Happy? Sad? Angry? Guilty? Nostalgic? Vulnerable?
• What has provoked that feeling this morning? Is it an air of general malaise? Is it something happening in my life? Is it something I think might happen? Was it a chance remark? Did my bum look big this morning? (Honestly, when you stop to analyse it sometimes the most insignificant of things can set you off on a grumpy path!)
• Can you do anything about what ails you at this particular moment?
• Can you do something about it later? If so, make a mental note to do it.
• Do you want to feel like this all day? Is holding onto this feeling going to help or hinder you?
• Decide to take control. Consciously decide how you want to feel, don’t let others control that.
• Smile. Research has shown even a pretend smile can make us feel better about ourselves.

I try to do this most mornings; I like to see it as my own personal act of rebellion!

How do you cope with the current uncertainties of life?

It’s in the zeitgeist isn’t it? I’m not necessarily a great fan of having a set of formal resolutions you make in January to feel guilty about in February (!) but I do know that having a reasonably clear idea of where you want to be is half way to arriving there successfully! And the end of one year and the start of another is as good a time as any to reflect.

Dare to Dream

So, even if you are not in resolution making mode, this could still be a good exercise to try:

• Take 10 minutes to yourself, somewhere quiet
• Make yourself comfortable and relaxed
• Close your eyes and just notice how you are breathing
• Notice the rise and fall of each breath for about 10 breaths, this will probably gently slow your breathing
• Think yourself ahead 12 months, imagine you in 12 months time
• Ask yourself the following: What do I look like? What do I feel like? What have I done that has made me feel proud, or satisfied, or fulfilled?

What, if anything, do you need to do in the next 12 months to be fabulous in 2011!

I’ve just been for a walk around the village I’ve lived in for over 30 years. Years ago a whole new development was added changing many of the footpaths. As I was walking today I found myself trying to take a defunct footpath. It hasn’t been there since my son was in a pushchair (he’s now 24!) yet my brain had that old pathway stored away and, because I wasn’t concentrating, led me up it!

And that’s what can happen to us with our new year resolutions. We want to make a change and all is well initially. But then we drop our focus for a moment, the work piles in, we get busy, or bored, or miserable and suddenly we’re back on an old pathway!

How Do YOU keep on Track?

What would work for you to keep you on track? It’s worth spending a little time anticipating that inevitable drop in enthusiasm and doing what you can now to keep your self focussed on success.

For example, if you use a paper diary, write an encouraging note to yourself for a month’s time. Or a pop up message on your mobile phone, or electronic diary. Or negotiate with a friend to help you; give them permission to remind you of your resolve! Perhaps you need to plan in a reward for yourself at an appropriate stage in proceedings? Or even take some professional advice and support?

You know best what works for you, so try and plan that in to give yourself the best chance of success and achieving your resolutions for 2011! And if you haven’t done so already, you could sign up now for my newsletter, which is packed full of inspiration and helpful tips to help you be fabulous in 2011!!

All the good things like eggs, butter, spices, flour and fruit are mixed together, steamed for three hours and then put aside to mature.

When the pudding is served on Christmas day, usually flaming with brandy, everyone oohs and ahhs and often everyone around the table has had a hand in the making of it, even if just with a stir!

Have Your Own Stir Up Sunday!

You may not be making your own pudding today, but you could be thinking about what you could do to cause a stir in a few months time…?
You could be making a wish and then assembling your own special ingredients to make it come true…?
You could spend a little time stirring up your own life so 2011 kicks off with a loud ooh and a ahh!