Flex – Do Something Different!
Having read and reviewed several books from this author before (well one half of the duo) such as Sheconomics and The No Diet (do something different) Diet Book I picked this one up with alacrity. Well, to be totally frank and honest the publishers sent it to me precisely because I had reviewed the other two books, but in all truthfulness I think I would have bought it anyway! It chimes with much of my own beliefs and we all like to have our views confirmed!
It’s a different kind of read to the other two I’ve mentioned being mainly written by Ben, although Karen is a co-author. The premise behind No Diet is that our habits not lack of will power keep us chained to old possibly destructive ways of behaving. Flex takes this further and deeper, suggesting that by changing our habitual way of behaving, we can tap into our full potential and transform our life.
And this book gives you all the science so excellent for psychology students too!
Here’s an extract from Flex so you can get an idea of style:
Page 104: 40 What Does a Do Something Different Intervention Look Like?
We know that when people keep doing the same things it can make life at best boring and at worst troublesome. But habits also narrow our view. They blind us to the many other options that are available to us. Therefore a Do Something Different programme simply suggests different things to do each day. These switch off a person’s auto pilot and put them back in the driving seat of life. By making small daily disruptions to their everyday life they start to steer it down a different track. There’s no struggle, no gritted teeth to maintain their will power – just a grdual loosening of the habit-web that had a stranglehold on the person.
When a person starts to do something different they:
- expand their world
- break free of their comfort zone
- shake off the habits that held them back
- look at things differently
- open up to new possibilities
- see themselves in a new light
- allow new opportunities into their life and
- have different reflections about themselves
And here’s one example of doing things differently suggested by the authors:
- Shift Your Butt Day: Today don’t sit anywhere that you would normally sit. That’s at the dining table, at work, watching TV, or in a meeting.Triggers for unwanted behaviour often exist in our daily routines and the environment around us. Literally changing where we sit can mean we are not triggered to do what we would normally do in that place.
It’s not an especially light read and if I have one small criticism it’s that it occasionally feels like it veers between being a self help book aimed at individuals and a text book for serious student of psychology. Tabloid to broadsheet in one chapter – but that’s not necessarily a bad thing! The advice is sound and it works. You’ll also find lots of quizzes and self examining questionnaires in its pages which are helpful in understanding oneself and great for those who love them!
Overall I recommend this book to anyone interested in making serious changes, or in helping others make changes. It will have a place in my book list when training and be on my ‘useful resources’ table. Don’t expect to pick it up and dip in; it demands more from you than that but a thorough reading will pay dividends.
Flex. Do Something Different. How to use the other 9/10s of your personality, by Professors Ben (C) Fletcher andKaren Pine, published by University of Herefordshire Press ISBN 978-1-907396-54-0 at £8.99 Available from your library, good bookshops and from the University site
How To Get People to Do What You Want!
Research into the psychology of missed appointments (doctors, dentists etc) has discovered it really doesn’t pay to be negative when trying to change behaviour.
Traditionally notices in waiting rooms read something like:
Last month we had 39 missed appointments which cost the surgery over £800 and wasted valuable time which could have been used by others. Please let us know if you are unable to attend.
These notices had no discernible effect on getting people to do what they wanted. However, when they changed their notices to something like:
Last month 90% of patients kept their appointment with us. Thank you so much!
they found that the number of missed appointments fell by 30%! Positive messages reinforcing that keeping an appointment is just normal had a very positive effect!
They also used two other methods which worked. In a non patronising way they got patients to repeat back the date of their appointment, i.e. say it out loud, and also to write it down themselves. Again this meant significantly fewer people missed appointments; they changed their behaviour.
Positive Thinking
I am not surprised at all. We know that telling someone of our intentions helps reinforce them in our minds, and that writing something down helps us do it. Which is why on my courses I encourage women to share their goals and then to write them down.
A Positive Change Exercise
Try it for yourself.
1) Write down what you’d like to achieve in the next four weeks: be realistic about how much is feasible.
2) Share your aims with a friend, talk about how you’re going to do it and add in the details.
3) Pay serious attention to the messages you give yourself. Your ‘spam’. Are these of the ‘we lost masses of money because you couldn’t be bothered to keep your appointment’ variety, or are they the encouraging ‘ way hey, brilliant you! The surgery is working well because of your efforts and consideration for others’ ? Think about it. What Way hey message would positively reinforce your good intentions?
4) Imagine yourself, in your mind’s eye, having accomplished all you want to do. Just take a few moments each day to visualise yourself being hugely successful at making those positive changes. Feeling good? Hang on to that feeling!
If you’ve enjoyed this post you might also like Three Questions for Helpful Thinking. What’s your best tip for achieving your goals?
Do You Believe People Can Change?
Do you believe people can change? My whole career has been built on the principle that, yes, they can! It’s not easy but it happens all the time.
It is important to believe that it’s possible though or you will be stuck with the same patterns of behaviour for ever. Which is fine, if it’s working for you but not so fine if you are feeling fed up and disgruntled with the hand life has dealt you.
Life Story
When I worked with youngsters who had experienced trauma and loss in their short lives, we frequently made a life story book, looking at the significant events of their lives. Usually these kids had had no control over what happened to them and many of them had had experiences you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy. The life story work had many purposes, but one was to help them understand that they could take back some control of their lives in the future and not see themselves as helpless victims of their past.
Don’t Get Stuck
I often work with people who have had a difficult life by any standards. Some are stuck, feeling that they can’t throw this off; their early experiences of life are continuing to haunt and inform everything they do. Conversely, I have been privileged to work with some amazing people who have had equally devastating experiences but have made a decision not to let this ruin the rest of their lives, and to use it in a positive fashion. They have let the negative experiences make them stronger.
Survivors
I am struck by this survivor mentality most forcibly when I read accounts of holocaust survivors. People who endured unimaginable tragedy yet went on to have amazing lives, made films, made music, wrote great literature. One such inspirational woman was Alice Herz-Sommer whose story I read in The Guardian newspaper in 2006. She was 103 at the time!
Alice had endured the ghettos in Prague, lost her husband in Auschwitz along with many members of her family yet when interviewed she showed no trace of bitterness. She had gone on to become a gifted concert pianist and at 103 was still playing for several hours a day.
She said:
” I never spoke a word about it….I didn’t want my son to grow up with hatred in his heart…….my son had very good friends in Germany.
I had a twin sister – same mother, same father, same upbringing. She was extremely gifted but a terrible pessimist, but I was the contrary. This is the reason I am so old, even now, I am sure. I am looking for the nice things in life. I know about the bad things, but I only look for the good things.
Life is beautiful, extremely beautiful. And when you are old you appreciate it more. When you are older you think, you remember, you care and you appreciate. You are thankful for everything. For everything.”
She was the absolute embodiment of my favourite quote of all time, from a first century BC Stoic philosopher, Epictetus. In essence he said:
WE ARE NOT TOUCHED SO MUCH BY LIFE’S EVENTS, BUT BY THE VIEW WE CHOOSE TO TAKE OF THEM.
Therein lies the underlying message of every self help book ever written!
You can read an article on Alice in full by clicking here
