Why SHOUTING is Bad for You!
OK, sometimes it is good to let it all out (it’s certainly not good to bottle up our emotions) but did you know that that the more yelling and shouting you do when you’re angry, the longer the angry rage will last?
Adrenalin
Pyschologist Dianne Tice has researched the effects of prolonged shouting. She found that prolonged yelling when we’re angry keeps the adrenalin pumping through our bodies and actually prolongs our feelings of anger! Then our mood gets gloomier and our stress levels rise.
Take Control of Your Anger
It’s hard when you’re really angry, but for the sake of your well being try to become aware of your own feelings and break the cycle of negative thought patterns. Once you are deep into the negative stuff you’ll probably find that your mind goes back to other old hurts and bad memories making you even more miserable. It’s not productive and drags you deeper into despair.
Lower Your Stress
There will always be things outside of your control which cause you anger; that’s life. But you CAN control how you respond and learn to manage those feelings and lower your stress levels. The first step is being aware of them and asking yourself what exactly has triggered the emotion. Another tip is to stop and notice how your body is responding. You will probably be physically tense and ‘tight’ with a frown on your face. So SMILE! Even though you don’t mean it the brain receives a feel good message and it will help lift your mood and lower your stress levels very quickly. And if your anger is directed at an individual they might just smile back!
Anger- Make it work for you
What to do with our angry feelings is a topic that causes us all concern from time to time; it comes up often in my personal coaching sessions. Anger is one of the most primal and complex feelings in the range of human emotions. Although in itself it’s neither good nor bad, its misuse causes a great deal of problems, particularly if it surfaces inappropriately in the workplace.
Aristotle
The problem with anger, as Aristotle said, is that it’s quite easy to become angry. Getting angry at the right time, with the right person, at the right level, and doing it in the right way is much more difficult!
Difficult Conversations
When you signed up to the newsletter you will have received my free download on handling difficult situations and if anger is a problem for you it’s worth looking at it again.
Anger is not bad per se as it is sending us a clear signal that something isn’t right for us. But if you think it sometimes becomes an issue for you I have a few tips for managing it that may help.
Tips for Managing Anger
- If you can, try and be really specific about what makes you angry. It can help to write it out as a statement ‘I am angry because….’
- Look at this statement. Now try and analyse the reasons why this makes you angry. Sometimes you may discover that the reasons are not really to do with an individual; they may stem from old hurts in the past such as being bullied at school, or feeling belittled and not valued within your family. Or you may find your anger is perfectly reasonable. It’s important to give it some thought first before giving vent to it.
- Think about what you want to say. Really see and hear the conversation happening in your imagination. Now write down the main points. What kind of language were you using in your imaginary conversation? Were you saying things like: “You make me so angry”? If you were, stop there and reread point one. What is that they do which makes you cross, upsets you? That is what you need to describe, the behaviour. Be careful not to rubbish them as a person.
- Having checked your ‘I am angry because’ statement does it still look O.K.? Reflect seriously on what you want the outcome of that conversation to be. Presumably you don’t want open warfare, but for them to stop whatever it is they do that angers you? And you may want to have a reasonable relationship with them post discussion. This is almost certainly true in the workplace where you want to behave professionally.
- A core principle of managing your relationship is to treat the other person as you would wish to be treated. Don’t speak to them in front of others and when you are still angry, but arrange to talk privately when it’s a good time for both of you.
- Similarly, try hard not to get into blaming them with statements that begin ‘You make me so mad…’ Use ‘I’ statements, such as ‘I feel upset when…’
- Don’t send an e mail in anger. A letter can be fine but always wait at least 24 hours before sending it. E mails can fly off in a click but the damage can be much longer lasting.
- If you can resolve your issues, great, if not you’ll need to agree to disagree in some way and then find an outlet for your strong feelings. Physical activity is good, like exercise. A good brisk walk can be beneficial on many levels.
- Remember the power of the way you talk to yourself. If you consistently stoke your own anger with an internal dialogue about it you can become ill and stressed. Instead, try and replace any angry talk with something more calming and positive which allows you to move on.
- And finally, sometimes we find ourselves angry about situations over which it seems we have no control, like world poverty, or the issue of global warming. Direct your anger well and it can become a force for good. Join a political organisation, or a charity; maybe become a volunteer or a campaigner. Some of the most amazing things we humans have ever done have been borne out of a sense of anger leading people to take action!
Categories : Articles
Don’t Get Angry – Get Energised!
Anger Equals Energy
Anger is one of our strongest emotions; as women we are often taught to suppress it but channelled anger can be a great force for good. For example, where would we be in the world if a group of women hadn’t got angry about not having the right to vote? Talking about it and letting off steam is OK some of the time, (and can be very therapeutic), but unless we actually do something nothing changes.
What Makes YOU Angry?
Just think for a moment about the last time that you got angry. What provoked it? Sometimes our anger is intensified because of our feelings of helplessness about what is happening; we feel we have no control. Try writing a list of all the things that make you angry. How many of them might you use as a source of energy, to get you motivated to do something that helps you, rather than drains you?
Get Control
One technique for managing your anger is to take back some control and direct the energy it gives you toward a positive goal. For example, if you are incensed by global warming join an organisation that is actively working towards doing something about it.
Or, maybe there are issues in your workplace that regularly have you metaphorically tearing your hair out. Have you considered what you can actually do about it? Perhaps there is a specific training need, like an assertiveness course, which will help. Or maybe you need to get some likeminded people together and assertively ask for a meeting to discuss solutions to the problem.
Whatever makes you angry, step one is recognising it, and then you can make a choice about how to deal with it!
How do you make anger work for you? When was the last time you got really angry? What did you do with that feeling? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
