When you came home and felt that was a day well spent?

When you were filled with a huge sense of achievement?

When you thought ‘job well done’ and other people acknowledged your efforts?

I hope you can remember this easily and it will have been recently. But if not, try and think back to what when it last happened and how you felt it about it.  Your thoughts on this subject will give you a big clue about where you should be looking for that next job.

Team Work?

If it included working as a team, maybe that’s when you perform best. Or maybe you were given a project to see through to completion making full use of all your completer/finisher and organisational skills? Perhaps you had to take a few risks and learn something new? Or maybe you were flying high working in an area that feels really comfortable to you?

It’s all really vital information in helping your longer term planning about positioning yourself where you want to be!

And if you’re still  feeling really stuck there are plenty of practical exercises in ‘When Work Isn’t Working’ which could really help move you on to finding the job that is a dream for you!

Veronica, you are the founder and Director of Smart Opportunities for Women, an organisation to promote the interests of working women. What inspired you to start this

I observed that certain women give up on advancing their own careers as a result of various issues such as motherhood, cultural influences, unsupportive and discriminatory work environments, lack of confidence, inadequate family support etc., and was keen to make a difference no matter how little.

As part of my academic research, I discovered that the UK is yet to fully tap into the skills portfolio of women. The statistics by various bodies clearly shows that women have a long way to go especially in leadership positions and certain job sectors.

Why do you think women need a site to themselves?
Historically, women have been subject to unfavourable treatment and practices. I believe that initiatives such as ’Smart Opportunities for Women’ will play a crucial role in bridging some gaps and achieving specific diversity objectives; a network/site/group of events where women are able to meet and network with other outstanding working women within a safe and comfortable framework.

It will give their confidence a major boost and help them to effectively manage their careers despite the obstacles which they might face along the way.

Veronica, you grew up in Nigeria. When did you come to Britain and how do you think that experience has impacted on your career development?
I was born in London but grew up in Africa (the south-western part of Nigeria) before returning to the UK in 2004. My parents made a crucial decision to ensure that all their children gained a thorough understanding of their ethnicity and cultural values.

Looking back now, I believe that they made the right decision. My personal experience of two totally different worlds has helped to shape me into the woman that I am today. I grew up in a stable, loving and Christian environment, and was fortunate to attend some of the best academic institutions.

The African society places a very high value on education and my parents spared nothing to ensure that my siblings and I received the best education. My parents worked in the IT/ Engineering sector, and my brother in the medical field, and this put huge pressure on me to choose a career path along these lines.

I spent close to five years of my life studying Industrial Chemistry that was of very little interest to me. It was a very torturous journey for me but I stayed on as I had no other choice.

When did you finish formal full time education? Did you have any idea of what you wanted to do when you left school?
I finished my first degree in Industrial Chemistry in March 2004. Whilst growing up, I had an interest in a couple of professions such as Journalism, Advertising and Catering. I also enjoyed reading my dad’s management, business and development books.

At this point I knew I wanted to do something which involved a lot of contact with people (not chemicals!), but was not quite sure how this would translate into a career.

Did you follow a plan?
I returned to the UK in May 2004. My first port of call was a careers advisory service in Essex, where I discussed various options with an advisor. Once I started my job as an Advanced Apprentice within the training team of a London local authority, I had a plan!

The plan was nothing complex, just a diagram of myself with various arrows indicating the jobs that I would love to do and by when. Included in the plan were qualifications. I have always been very flexible with my career plan and this has paid off.

You have a gorgeous twenty three month old son and eight week daughter. How do you manage to juggle motherhood with your career?
I don’t know how I do it! I believe God gives me the grace I need for each day. Motherhood is a totally different ball game and one has to be very hard working and plan well in advance. Sometimes I feel like screaming!

What has been the happiest moment in your life to date?
Marrying my first love and childhood sweetheart, Anthony and having our wonderful children.

What do you think is the secret of happiness for you?
I have learnt to be proud of who I am.

How (if ever) do you relax? What keeps you going?
I never miss my daily ‘hot’ (I mean hot!!!) baths. This helps to soothe any sore muscles. My faith also plays a crucial part. Each time my battery needs to be charged, I pray, meditate and sing worship songs.

Who has been the most significant and or influential
person(s) in your life to date?
I have a strong nuclear family network and have benefitted from knowing some very inspirational women. My husband’s belief in me and my abilities is simply fantabulous.

What is the most important lesson you’ve learned in life?
Our purpose as humans is to live a life of purpose. I have learnt that I can do all things through God’s help. I need to use all my gifts on earth and die empty.

If the present Veronica could give some advice to the 18 year old Veronica what would it be?

Get up Veronica – Turn your ideas into reality! I should have started ‘Smart Opportunities for Women’ a long time ago.

Thank you, Veronica and good luck with the upcoming events! You can find out more about Veronica’s business here.

Why Women Mean Business

If you are in business at all, male of female, I recommend this book to you.

If you are a woman looking to move on, I recommend this book to you.

If you are an academic studying gender issues, I recommend this book to you.

And if you’d like a sound economic case as to why women should be properly catered for in today’s workplaces, I recommend this book to you.

You will have gathered by now that I thoroughly recommend this book!

Why?

It is a well researched account of some of the issues women face at the top of organisations. But it’s not a rant or a moan. It’s also a guide on how to remedy them, packed full of useful advice, facts, statistics and case studies.  It makes the business case for women in senior roles, not simply an ethical one. And it’s eminently readable.

Here’s an extract from Chapter 5  ‘Seven Steps to Successful Implementation’.

‘Becoming bilingual begins with a shift in perspective. It depends on recognising that responsibility for better gender balance lies with all managers, not just with women. It focuses its efforts on teaching the current majority to become bilingual, fluent in the language and culture of both men and women. Only once all managers understand that the methods and messages used to recruit, manage and evaluate men do not necessarily work for women will women’s talents stand a chance of being accurately recognised and optimised.’

You can watch the authors talk about their book here and you can buy it from all good book shops, borrow it from your local library, encourage your workplace to acquire a copy, or purchase it via Amazon

Femageism

If we needed any evidence that femageism is rife in the world of broadcasting this report provides it. On TV only one in 4 in every 10 women are aged over 40. And for every ten men on TV 6 will be aged 40 and over.

‘Soft’ Topics

The study, carried out by Dr Guy Cumberbatch of the Communications Research Group, also found that although women do appear to be well represented on TV across the spectrum, the way they are used is markedly different from the way men appear.

In light entertainment, comedy and drama women make up 4 in every ten participants. In the field of serious broadcasting, Dr Cumberbatch’s team found that women made up only a third in factual programmes. And when it comes to the news, we have only a 31% share!

However, when topics such as health, culture and cookery are covered on the news women feature 69% of the time. Men were much more likely to be discussing the topics of politics, science, international affairs and the economy. And women aren’t even asked to give their views! When it comes to general vox pops, women are asked for their opinions only a third as often as men.

Diversity

Oona King is Channel 4’s Head of Diversity (once again I ask the question-bearing in mind women actually make up slightly more than half the population -  should we still need to be included under the ‘diversity’ tag?) said:

” This pilot research measures the gap between what we see in the real world, and what we see on TV, and is the first step in developing a comprehensive measurement of how well TV represents and portrays different groups on screen. Fundamentally, this is about how we view our world and which groups are hidden from view or significantly under-represented. The gender gap here is quite startling.”

Sadly I am not startled at all. Maybe art is merely imitating life………….

An awkward conversation might be one where you need to be critical of the other person, as in they are continually late for work and expecting you to cover for them. Or maybe you need to raise a topic that is potentially embarrassing, for example, working alongside someone with unpleasant body odour, or who is behaving in an inapproriate manner to you.

Non Direct Route

You may have tried out all the subtle and not so subtle methods.

‘Phew, what IS that smell?‘ said to no one in particular being one of the not so subtle variety, or raving loudly in the office about this amazing new shower gell you have found!

Similarly, someone who is perhaps invading your personal space, standing too close, or making very slightly suggestive comments that leave you feeling uncomfortable, may not respond to your continually moving away, standing behind chairs, and resolutely not laughing at their innundoes!

When the non direct route fails it’s time to have an assertive conversation!

Be Assertive

Now is the time for honesty while still being very respectful of the other person. Being assertive is not about winning or scoring points: it’s about having self respect and respect for the other person. It is very respectful to treat them as adults and actually discuss with them what is bothering you, adult to adult. They might not like what you say, but done properly it need not be disrespectful and may lead to an enhanced relationship all round!

Start Here

First, you need to let them know you want to have a chat with them and this usually needs to be in private. Find somewhere where you can both be comfortable if at all possible so not a busy corridor but preferably an empty office. (NB But not when you’re being assertive with the person who is behaving innapropriately! Then you need to be able to speak without being overheard but still be visible to colleagues and friends. You don’t want to give a mixed message and add to any potential embarrassment).

When I’m working with groups on assertiveness I don’t usually give out any form of words because everyone is different; you have to be able to say it in your own words, or you’ll feel silly and sound insincere! But as this post is about starting those awkward conversations, I have included some phrases which may work for that awkward beginning:

Use their name when possible, make appropriate eye contact and remember your body language is saying far more than your words; if you look shifty and uncomfortable they will receive what you say in that mode. Aim for ‘concerned and professional’, not ‘embarrassed and tortured adolescent’.

Beginning with pleasantries about the weather may be helpful but more likely they will be a liitle anxious about what you have to say so don’t irritate them by going round the houses. Be pleasant and direct.

‘Could we have a word in private, there’s something I’d like to discuss with you’.

‘I have noticed that you’ve been late a lot recently. Is there a problem I can help with?’ (Bearing in mind that your help is not going to be continually covering up their lateness!)

The body odour one is difficult and you have to be prepared for them to take umbrage initially, but you could try:

‘Forgive me for being so personal, but it’s so out of character for you that I wanted to have a quiet word. Are you aware that you have been giving off a very strong odour of late? Are you unwell/on tablets/particularly worried by anything?‘ (Even as I write this I am cringing but I have actually done this! Spoken to someone I mean, not given off an odour- at least no one has told me…)

‘I appreciate that you have a friendly nature and other people are comfortable with your style but I feel uncomfortable when you (insert) and would prefer it if you (insert what you do want them to do).

Try not to let anxiety about what you have to say give you a bad case of the blurt, or sound angry or aggressive. Take a few deep calming breaths and mentally rehearse what you are going to say.

These are just a few tips to get you thinking. It’s also useful sometimes to consider why we find some things so difficult to say. This may be linked to our own feelings of confidence in ourselves and fear of the consequences. Remember, you have a right to respectfully express your views to another person- and they have the right to do the same!

More on this is available in the free download that comes when you subscribe to my newsletter.

Professional Relationship

And so I am having a thankful day, all by myself.

The challenge for me will be to convey my thanks without people thinking I am in need of extra care and attention, or sounding like a born again thanker!

Who are the people in your life that you would like to thank right now? Just do it: they will appreciate it and you will have added something worthwhile to today!

Do let me know who you feel thankful to…oh and thanks for reading this post! I appreciate it.

It’s easier said than done but do take a few moments to recap the last few months. Can you pinpoint when the changes in your behaviour started? If you can’t ask your partner or close friend if they noticed anything.

It might be they tell you something you hadn’t spotted, like your alcohol consumption went up when the new boss started! Or that you became much harder to live with, so brace yourself if you want an honest answer.

Work & Stress

When I’m coaching work comes up as a frequent cause of stress but people don’t always know what it is about work that is stressing them.  Try answering these questions:

1. Have there been changes at work recently?
2. Has your workload changed (up and down, too little work can be stressful)
3. Have you had a change of manager or personnel?
4. Is there an individual you find difficult to be with?
5. Is the work you do at odds with your own personal value base?
6. Do you find it difficult to delegate so take everything on yourself?
7. Do you think you are the only person who will do it properly?
8. Does your partner or family value the work you do?
9. Do you want something else but don’t know what it is?
10. Is your time management causing you stress?

Naming the beast is halfway to taming the beast! Once you know the causes you can start to manage your stress!

Recognise Your Signs

What you find stressful may be the breath of life for someone else, and vice versa. You can’t compare. And some days things will cause you stress which wouldn’t on another day; it depends what else is happening in your life right now. All of us feel stressed from time to time and it needn’t be a problem unless we fail to recognise and take remedial action. Then it can cause us no end of problems and unhappiness and potentially long term ill health.

Here are some commonly agreed symptoms of how stress might show itself in you:

1. Do you feel on verge of being angry a lot of the time, as if the anger might burst out unbidden? (Indeed, it may, often at the person least due it)
2. When you wake up in the morning do you feel as tired as if you hadn’t slept? Is your sleep pattern different from normal?
3. Do you feel tired most of the day, generally below par?
4. Maybe you are getting a physical sign like  a flare up of eczema (When I was doing social work with abused children I would often get patches of painful eczema in the centre of my palms – a sure sign I was under stress.)
5. Are you suffering from more than your fair share of headaches?
6. When you get in from work do you feel too tired and flat to do anything other than slump? (I mean regularly feel like this; we all experience this from time to time.)
7. Has your appetite changed, either eating compulsively or having no appetite for food at all?
8. Is your concentration less good than it was? Do you find yourself spending ages on one task and never really finishing it (again, a common occurrence from time to time for all of us! But if it’s happening regularly, it may be telling you something)
9. Have your lost your sense of humour, your ability to make light of situations?
10. Is your decision making faculty less good? Do you dither about the simplest of things?

We all experience all of the above from time to time but you will know if it is out of the ordinary for you. Stop and take stock from time, do a little stress inventory on yourself. Recognising the signs is the first step to tackling it.

In the next post I’ll be looking at some of the ways we can help manage our stress at work. Don’t forget to share any of your own ideas and suggestions!

I use them a lot in my courses and coaching, sometimes for relaxation, sometimes to help achieve goals, and sometimes to get into touch with your inner wisdom or intuition.

D.I.Y. Relaxation

Often when I’m coaching I’ll design a personal visualisation for my client for them to use as they wish but you can easily do your own!

First decide what you want it to do for you. If it’s to relax and unwind then think about what unwinds and relaxes you best. For example, the imagery of sea and beaches is often used but if all you feel is gritty sand in places you don’t want gritty sand (!) it definitely won’t relax you! You may prefer to be indoors in the lap of luxury, or you may choose a real place where you were relaxed and at peace, and conjure up the memory.

Achieve Your Ambition

If you want to use the visualisation as an aid to helping you achieve your dreams  you need to be specific and honest with yourself about what achieving that dream means.

If it’s rising to the top in your organisation then see yourself in that role. The more detail the better: see how you’re dressed, who is with you, what your office is like, etc. When you feel dispirited just take yourself there for a few moments.

Or if you are trying to change your body shape, lose weight or get fit, imagine yourself exactly how you want to look and being happy with your new body.

If you can create a realistic  and inspiring scenario you can tap into into when your motivation is lacking.  Just close your eyes and take yourself there. It gets easier the more you practise!

But remember all visualisations work best if you ease yourself into them and allow your breathing to slow and relax first (There are some instructions for that in this post)

Write It Down

I suggest you write it down and rework it until you are happy with it, and then record it, speaking slowly and calmly. If you don’t like the sound of your own voice then maybe ask a friend – you could do one for each other! Load it onto your MP3 player and you have your own ready made motivation class at hand!

If you have used visualisations do let me know how they work for you! And if you have something that works better, please share that too!

Natascha is a truly inspirational woman who has followed her heart. You’ll love her story!

Natascha, your career has taken an unusual path over last few years. Can you give us a summary of what your role/job/ career is now?

Chance International

I am the founder of a charity and live in the ‘field’ in a small remote village in Indonesia, which means I live my job and am on call 24/7 as we work in health as well as education. My role is to facilitate and identify the community needs as well as build the capacity of the community to bring itself out of poverty through education and skills training.

I am very hands on taking an active part in all our programs so my days are very unpredictable and varied. I might be showing a child how to hold a pencil in the morning then by lunch in hospital trying to find blood for another child about to have an operation. Then spend the night working on a proposal for funding….

How did that come about? With hindsight, had there been other incidents or events in your life which were leading in this direction?

Tsunami

At the time of the Tsunami I was living in Greece and was deeply moved by the events unfolding on the television as the news started to trickle out. I can remember waking up one morning and the death toll having risen by 50,000, I was crying my eyes out and thought if it really bothers you so much go there and help. I just had this need to go, the reports were repeatedly saying that there was a lack of organization; working for a company representing airlines on a Greek island organization was a skill I had put to plenty of use.

Volunteer

I had volunteered myself to all the aid organizations but as I did not have a degree in international development, aid work experience or being a health worker I was refused. I still believed it was something I had to do so I packed a bag and booked a ticket and went independently.

Nothing that I had seen on television prepared me for what I saw, the silence of the devastation was deafening; there are no words to describe it, but it was the survivors that were important.

Having been granted permission to sleep on the floor of the hospital, my first project was finding two incomplete medical teams, one from Afghanistan having doctors but no medicine or transport the other from Turkey with no doctors but had medicine and transport. I put the two together creating a mobile medical team who were prepared to travel into the conflict zone to give the much needed medical care to those who had fled there. At the time the international teams were not allowed into those areas, so there were so many in desperate need and I managed to gain permission. It was during this period that I met the villagers of Lam Asan where I now live.

Answer to Prayers?

I thought my prayers had been answered when an aid agency offered me a job.  After a few weeks of living in a wonderful house I found myself being driven from one air con office to another for meeting after meeting but not seeing any results on the ground. I began to feel that I could be and should be doing much more for those courageous survivors who were struggling with very day task of survival.

Then a little girl aged only 4 months suffering from hydrocephalus came to my attention. She needed an operation urgently to save her life but nobody seemed to be interested in her. Eventually having secured surgeons and funding and taken her to Jakarta for the operation I was contacted by 7 other children with the same condition. A fund and system was set up to help them receive the lifesaving medical care. It was at this point that I went independent again, I found I could actually do something and it was not so difficult.

This was not all as selfless as it might appear, not being a doctor but at the end of the day before going to sleep as I would think of each day I had experience I was able to say I had changed or saved a life. That was an incredible feeling, I was doing something worth while with my life. I had found my purpose.

Cross Roads

I was at a cross roads of my life, do I continue with this work or do I return to Europe and continue with my life and maybe get married and start a family?

One day in a camp as this question was going through my mind, I looked at the children around me and thought do I really need children of my own when I have so many here? The decision was made.

However if this was going to be a long term plan things needed to be organized and a formal organization set up to facilitate my work. That is how Chance International was born.

I don’t think there was one single incident that led me to this, I had always been taught to help others. As a child my mother encouraged me to do shopping for elderly people in the area, when we lived in the Middle East I went with my mother to fishing villages to give medicine (she was not a doctor, but at the time we led a very privileged Ex pat life).

I think I am ncredibly privileged to be in a position to give, isn’t that what life is all about?

How influential/ supportive have your family been? Or your partner if you have one?

I do not have a partner, what sane European would want to live permanently in a village with a sporadic electricity supply and water that can not be drunk pulled up from the well? And with a woman who will always put the 180 odd children first?

Mother Knows Best!

My mother was very supportive; when I first told her I wanted to go she just said yes, you have to.  I later asked how could she have let her daughter go to a disaster and conflict zone, a country she had never been to, not knowing a single person nor speaking a word of Indonesian. She replied that even if she had advised me against  it I wouldn’t have listened. She knows me well!

My mother has been there for me throughout this journey of mine 100% and is now a trustee of the charity. I now see great parallels in our lives she left Germany of England when she was young, eventually became an acupuncturist, got involved in the plight of Afghan widows and refugees. I left England for Greece, became an aromatherapist and got involved with the Acehnese. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

Do you remember what your first paid job was? How much did you earn?

I must have been about 12 and was furious at my mother that she did not have the money to buy the skirt that I wanted. I left the house in a teenage huff. I returned with the skirt after finding a Saturday job in the Portobello Road, I think I got 6 pounds for the day.

What were your career thoughts when you left school?

I really can’t remember, I was just so happy to have left school although I enrolled in college for the same year. I had thought of volunteering with Mother Teresa in Calcutta (my father is from there), but at 16 I was too young. Being the 80’s I remember I wanted a job that paid well but was also somehow ‘ethical’ As a child I had wanted to be a doctor. I ‘fell’ into fashion retail and was soon a buyer. Although I liked it and was well paid I felt I was not really fulfilled and my potential challenged. If I do anything I do it 100% and achieve my targets, but I get bored after that quite easily.

Did you have a plan initially (your aviation career?) and if so did you actually follow it?

No, I was a bit of a drifter eventually drifting to Greece. There I decided I wanted a job that would fit into my life, rather than my life to my job. I returned to school and learnt aromatherapy massage and beauty therapy, later opening my own salon. Which after it reached the point of having a two week waiting list, I again got bored and ‘fell’ into aviation.

I learnt a lot and was so happy, you never knew what was going to happen the next minute and I loved dealing with all the passenger problems. I found I had a way of calming people even in the most stressful situations. If I had not gone to Indonesia after the Tsunami I am sure I would still be there and still enjoying it.

When were you happiest? What makes you most feel most content?

Since I first went to Aceh, it has always been when I am there. I am very privileged to be seeing the progress of our children on a daily level, be it a child writing her first a,b,c or a child who a few weeks ago could not recognize Indonesia on the world map, recognizing Chad on a photograph of earth from the moon. They inspire me so much and to be able to give them the gift of education and or health that we take for granted makes me feel I am doing something worthwhile. There is no better feeling for me, that doesn’t mean I don’t get frustrated or angry sometimes!

What do you think is the secret of happiness?

Accepting yourself faults included, doing your best and giving to others

How do you relax?

Relaxation is hard for me in the village. I enjoy reading but when I need company I visit a friend who has 4 children in the village. We sit on a piece of plastic on the cement floor, drink a coffee and watch and listen to the children play, making their own toys with an old box or plastic bag and a lot of imagination. There is nothing in that house but I am always amazed by the amount of joy that fills its walls.

What is the most important lesson you’ve learned in life?

To trust: so many times ‘bad’ things have happened which leads to the unanswerable question Why? It’s only later you are thankful for some of those things as it’s brought me where I am today. I was 9 years old when I was told by a wise woman that everything we experienced in our lives was to prepare us for today.

Who has been the most significant and or influential person in your life?

My mother, she is an exceptionally strong woman who has done and survived so much and taught me that if I wanted to do something I could.

Is there a book or saying etc which motivates you, or has influenced you?

It is the ‘serenity prayer’ I first heard it at school:

God grant me the courage to change the things that I can, the serenity to accept the things that I can not and the wisdom to know the difference.

In terms of work, who has had the most influence on you, or been a mentor, an example to you?

My boss in Greece at the airport, I learnt to always look at the details but keep an eye on the big picture, do not always take the obvious solution as people are not predictable and be prepared and flexible.

You are in a very male dominated world now. What is the least good thing about this and what is the best? How do you manage the inevitable tensions between the cultures?

Aceh has a long history of female warriors and in our community it is the women who are actually much stronger than the men, although all positions of power (head of the village) are filled by men.  The family money is controlled by the women and property is inherited by the women (land by the men). But they do seem to get their own way. I found living in the male dominated small island society of Greece with double standards much harder.

Maybe coming from a mixed background and having lived in the Middle East as a child I do not have any problems with the culture and feel very much at home there. Strangely I have a culture shock each time I return to Europe and find it harder each time to adjust.

Having said that, I know that it has not been easy for our staff to work the way I want. It is culturally unacceptable to criticize your boss, so if I have a bad idea at first they would not tell me. By constantly emphasizing that it is their program, not mine, it has built their confidence and now they do tell me!

What advice would you give a young woman today wanting to follow a similar career to yourself?

I don’t think I am in a position to give career advice since I went a very unorthodox way. The only thing I can say is if you believe something is right for you don’t be put off by rejection there is always a way to achieve it.

If the present Natascha could give some advice to the 18 year old you what would it be?

I am very lucky to have had a very interesting life full of different experiences and cultures, all my ‘mistakes’ have taught me so much. The only thing that I do regret is that I did not go to university, though I don’t know if I would be doing what I am today if I had.

But If I had to say something I think it would be to spend more energy earlier on in life in discovering who I am rather than looking for happiness from the outside. That can only come from within.

Natascha, thank you so much for sharing your truly inspirational story with us!

If you’d like to find out more about Natascha’s charity, Chance International, please click this link.