Comments for Changing People Blog

Comment on The Mayonnaise Jar – and the Coffee! by Jane

Jane — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 14:48:22 +0000

Thanks Ros. It’s one of those things that seem to have been around for ever! I put it on blog as I was often being asked for it on my courses etc. I’ll check it out, cheers!

Comment on The Mayonnaise Jar – and the Coffee! by Ros Baynes

Ros Baynes — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 14:36:29 +0000

Hi Jane I think it originates in Stephen Covey’s book First Things First, where he uses sand and pebbles, but I haven’t actually read it, so can’t verify. Have come across several different versions – it’s a powerful illustration.

Comment on Persuasion by Jane

Jane — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 09:04:37 +0000

Thanks Robin, furtive manipulation is not my style either! I did my post grad training in the early 80s when manipulation, or win at all costs, often reared its ugly head, causing me to have a few run ins with tutors! When training, running seminars, coaching etc I am always very explicit about what we are doing and why. Thanks for your comment!

Comment on Persuasion by Robin Dickinson

Robin Dickinson — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 02:36:57 +0000

Hi Jane, fascinating topic.

As explained by Dr Cialdini is his landmark book, ‘reciprocity’, used as a way to build internal pressure in others to return the favour, is a subtle, but high pressure persuasion technique.

People do it because it works.

My preference is that people are honest and upfront about the techniques they use, rather than furtively manipulating people.

Best to you, Robin

Comment on Why Women Mean Business by Jane

Jane — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 13:13:06 +0000

Many thanks Sarah. Still a few bridges to cross, little by little…..

Comment on Why Women Mean Business by Sarah Arrow

Sarah Arrow — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 13:09:19 +0000

The concept of being bilingual is not a new one but it is a good one. I have heard of it previously called bi cultural and to have a foot in both cultures. I like the foot version it’s a reminder that we have to build bridges to cross the gaps.

Comment on Advice – who needs it! by Jane

Jane — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 13:06:21 +0000

Yes, it’s true. Sometimes we just want comfort food, nothing too chewy! I always check now if they actually want me to make suggestions. Otherwise I just act as a friendly ear. Thanks for your comment, Ros. Jane

Comment on Advice – who needs it! by Ros Baynes

Ros Baynes — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 13:00:10 +0000

It’s certainly true that a lot of advice is sought primarily as a way of looking for confirmation, and isn’t listened to if it is challenging or goes in an unexpected direction. It can be very frustrating to be asked for advice and then have every suggestion rejected as too difficult. But equally I can think of many times when that’s exactly what I have done to others!

Comment on How to Start ‘Awkward’ Conversations by Jane

Jane — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 19:16:15 +0000

Yes, that’s pretty simple to remember, thanks David

Comment on How to Start ‘Awkward’ Conversations by David Winter

David Winter — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 17:53:02 +0000

Good advice. Working as a career coach it is often my duty to raise uncomfortable issues with clients. I tend to think about the acronym BEAR

Behaviour – describe what they have been doing but don’t make judgemental assumptions about their attitudes or intentions

Effect – explain how it impacts on you. Claim responsibility for your own feelings rather than blaming the other person for them.

Action – explain exactly what you would like them to do instead of the difficult behaviour because they may not be able to think of an alternative themselves

Result – make it clear how thing will be better for both of you if they follow your suggestions