Career Tips for Women # 13

Mind Your Language

Language is hugely powerful and without realising it we can weaken our impact simply by using the wrong words.

Powerful language enables us to take control.

Here are some communication styles that weaken your impact when speaking at work:

‘It’s my feeling that…‘ (It’s easy to dismiss comments as just her feelings.)

‘I’m sorry, but...’ (what are you apologising for? Have you done something wrong?)

‘I think that it might be better if…‘ (Too many justifications.)

‘I‘ve got a problem with…‘ (just state the problem, don’t make it your fault.)

If you believe something is wrong try just saying it straight. You don’t need to make people feel better about something by first putting yourself down.

And you certainly don’t need to apologise for having an opinion!

What are your personal dislikes when it comes to language at work?

Career Tips for Women # 12

When did you last go to a networking event connected with your work? If you can’t remember, read on!

Sometimes it really feels like too much of a stretch to get out to events, particularly if you have caring responsibilities.

And having the confidence to network is a common issue when I’m coaching, even with very senior women.

Be selective.

Decide which ones give you most exposure, are likely to connect you with people you find stimulating, will add to your knowledge, or will advance your career. Plan these into your diary.

Although it’s reassuring to attend with a colleague, the temptation to stand comfortably chatting with them may be too much to resist. If you do go with someone else, agree in advance that you will split up and only touch base again at the end. Otherwise you might as well pop into the nearest coffee shop!

But don’t stop going, just be selective. Putting yourself out there is an important part of getting ahead in your field. And you just never know what might happen. I was at a networking event recently thinking I was wasting my time when a director of a film company approached me to discuss a programme idea. That chance meeting has been really helpful to us both!

Women and Careers Tip 11

Why Can’t a Woman be More Like a Man?

Well, because she’s a woman! Men and women ARE different, for whatever reasons. And until what women bring to the workplace is equally valued along with male attributes, we’ll always be a pace behind, trying to fit into a male oriented workplace.

An issue that crops up time and time again when I’m coaching senior women is ‘how can I be true to myself yet still progress?’ My response is often to reverse the same question:

How can you progress without being true to yourself?

 That way madness lies. So don’t try and behave like a man, dress in pinstripes, wear ties (shades of the 80s for those old enough to remember!) if that is not comfortable for you. Relish and be proud of your feminity.

Choices

If you are in a very traditional organisation where male attitudes dominate (however subliminal) you have some choices to make:

1)You can challenge the staus quo, using whatever means are comfortable and appropriate for you and your circumstances.

2) You can try and moderate your behaviour to the cultural norms and not rock the boat, i.e. behave like a man to get on, although as you aren’t actually a man, you may never cut the mustard.

3)You can plan to leave and go somewhere you can flourish!

If we women don’t promote feminine values in the workplace, who will?

Women and Careers Tip 10

If you are prone to sit quite meekly in meetings with hands in your lap, or well back from the table, you may be putting yourself at a distinct disadvantage. As Lois P Frankel says in ‘Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office’, normal table manners don’t apply in business situations. You CAN put your elbows on the table!

She suggests the following:

• Look really involved in the conversation by leaning forward slightly with your forearms on the table, hands lightly together. You are also in a good position to gesture that you want to speak as well.
• The head of the table need not be reserved for the eldest and most senior male in the family. Try sitting there once in a while, don’t assume you must take a less significant seat.
• If you can, sit next to the most powerful and influential person in the room (without looking too needy and sycophantic obviously!). Sometimes the power stardust rubs off, and certainly people will tend to look in your general direction, which again gives you opportunities to contribute more.

Women and Careers Tip 9

In a recent coaching session I was talking with my client about how her paid work was very unfulfilling.

However, we acknowledged that in the current economic climate having a job which paid reasonably well, with friendly colleagues, was not to be sniffed at! It was just a tad dull with few opportunities around to change.

What’s Missing?

So we explored together just what was missing. In her case it was easy to pinpoint- she missed the opportunities for developing staff and supporting others as her role had become more office based.

If your job is not exactly what you want, don’t forget there are other places than work to fill those developmental gaps. In this case, volunteering was a possible option- in a capacity where she could make use of her supportive and empathetic skills. Like working with a local charity.

Maybe to move to the next level you need more experience of handling budgets, for example. Don’t always look to your employer to fill this gap. I know of a woman who got appointed to a senior role without ever having had extensive formal budget experience, an essential requirement of the person specification. She had, however, taken on the PTA treasurer role. She was able to demonstrate that she had all the competencies required and was given the job.

Think Laterally!

Look around you, think laterally. You may be able to meet the gaps in your professional development outside of work, add to your CV, and do a bit of good into the bargain! And if you’re on a career break, don’t forget to keep a record of all those activities like running the local playgroup, or organising the carers rota. It’s all valuable and evidence of your abilities!

Women and Careers Tip 8

Remember that research tells us that when a man nods in a meeting he is saying, ‘I agree with what you are saying’.

When a woman nods in a meeting she is saying, ‘I understand what you are saying’

The potential for misunderstanding is huge. Watch that nodding head!