Are You Making the Most of Life?

I was listening to a young teenage girl talking about ‘growing up’ the other day. She had such amazing life plans and ambitious goals and I really hope she fulfils them.So often though events tend to knock us off course and we need to take a bit of time to revisit our early ambition and put ourselves back on track.

Can you remember what your dreams and plans were before you left school? At one point in my early teenage years (and I hardly know how to confess this to you) I thought the pinnacle of being a successful woman was to support a good man! I can remember thinking “I must learn how to make proper coffee so I can be a good hostess”. Good grief!

Well, one ambition achieved, I can make bloomin’ good coffee! And I do support a good man, but crucially he also supports me in my life choices.

Later on, with maturity, my ambitions changed, and although I didn’t ever contemplate running my own business at a young age, I knew I wanted to have a degree of  independence, and I knew I wanted to be in a role that was useful. Actually, I wanted to change the entire world but that’s another story…

Look Back

What were your ambitions for your life? Did you set yourself goals in your early life? Did you have a clear picture of how you wanted your life to look? I was asked by a journalist recently what was the point of setting goals in life? Now, there is a whole raft of material there and goals can be small, big and in between, but basically my answer was - if you have an idea of where you want to be, it helps with all your decision making and helps you make the right choices for you.

Sometimes the right choice for you will be not to have a clear direction, but to take more risks and live more in the moment. The point is that it helps if we regularly review where we are and check out if we’re heading where we want to be, or if we’re drifting too far from our ultimate destination. Only you can know.

If you’re feeling vaguely dissatisfied with life don’t push the thoughts aside; take some time to consider why. Life is not about being happy all the time, but neither should it be about unhappiness. Take some control. Ask yourself:

• Is my unease/unhappiness caused by my personal relationship?
• Is it colleagues at work?
• Is it my role that is too demanding/undemanding?
• Am I bored too much of the time, in need of more stimulation?
• Do I see a clear picture of where I’ll be in a year? Three years? Five years?
• What can I do right now to take back some control of my life?

Despite what it may feel like from time to time, there are always things you can do. Take a look at some of the material on this site for a start, and also look at the inspirational women section on the site. There are some really good stories there from women who have truly grabbed back control. Or if work is not floating your boat at the moment, take a look at my book. You can simply talk to friends, ask their opinions and advice; remember you don’t have to take it but they may something that gives you a good insight, or sparks a train of thought for you.

Life is not always perfect, and a lot of things will happen that are not in our control. But a strong woman knows that how you react to life’s events is always in your gift. Don’t let yourself drift, grab a paddle and start steering your own direction!

Photo Credit: Vince Petaccio

Take a Fresh Look

I have just been away for ten days or so on a writing break (look out for my new ebook soon!). We arrived home last last night with the energy to do nothing but fall into bed. This morning, however, I had a glorious surprise.

During my few days absence my garden has burst into bloom. Everything looks totally different and utterly gorgeous and I am relishing it to the full. The small tight buds which were modestly clinging to the branches when I left have now burst out into glorious, trollopy, rapturous colour and scent. It was literally breathtaking.

Yet, if I had been here as the buds began to unfurl I probably wouldn’t have noticed such a transformation. I would have appreciated it, most definitely, but I doubt I would have seen the full effect as I am now, or that it would have had such an impact, because I would have been living with it on a daily basis. We just don’t fully appreciate the incremental changes.

Your Life

And life is a bit like that, isn’t it? We don’t always notice out achievements and acknowledge our successes because we’ve been so busy pursuing them. We’ve been so busy living our lives that sometimes we forget to take a few moments to stand and stare, and acknowldege just how far we have come.

Try it now; close your eyes and imagine you are describing your life for someone else. You’re only going to highlight achievements and successes because we spend enough time doing the other thing. Just think how far you have progressed and travelled and the skills and experiences you have acquired; bask in those thoughts for a moment before plunging right back in there!

Photo Credit: Neil Witty

Take a Break and Get Creative

I’ve been nurturing the idea for an ebook for a while – I’ve even roughed out the chapters. But somehow I’ve just never got round to it actually putting it together in a coherent form. It began to feel like a chore I had to do, rather than the pleasure it started out as.

So, following in the footsteps of the great and the good and on advice from my accountant (I have a wonderful accountant), I decided to take a break somewhere and do nothing but write!

Which is why I have ended up on the beautiful Isle of Arran. The picture opposite is a near as I can find to the view I have from my window now as I write this. It is glorious and it is working its magic. I am two chapters into the book (once we’d sorted out a few technical issues), and woke this morning raring to get on with it.

I know it’s not always possible for all sorts of reasons to get away, or to get a proper break from day to day living, but a change really can be as good as a rest. As the long holiday week end approaches I urge you to do something different if you can. Maybe change routines, visit a local beauty spot, nourish your inner soul. Walk an alternative route to buy your paper, visit a museum, get some fresh air. Anything that will hopefully put something back into your personal bank and see you through the months ahead.

Have a great Spring Break!

Photo credit: Ancestry.com

Cool Women Know There is More to Life Than Shoes!

I have to share this with you, dear readers, wait for it– I am officially cool! I know, age 55 and my time has come!

Yesterday I received a book in the post, which is not unusual as I often get them sent to review. Some never see the light of day as I choose only to review books that I think will be useful to you, and are a resource for women I’m happy to have on the site.

This one was slightly different as it had a note saying, “Dear Jane, here’s your copy and thank you so much for contributing!” The book is called ‘There’s More to Life Than Shoes‘(Amazon link). At that moment (It had been a long day) I couldn’t actually remember what I had contributed so turned to the back of the book to read:

‘Nadia Finer and Emily Nash were stuck in jobs that didn’t match their dreams, when they decided enough was enough, and set off on a mission to find the country’s coolest women and ask them for advice‘

Cool Women

Amongst the country’s coolest women in the book are BBC presenter of Newsnight and Desert Island Discs, Kirsty Wark, founder of the amazing Kid’s Company, Camilla Batmanghelidjh, Emma Bridgewater of pottery fame, Martha Lane Fox, founder of lastminute.com and so on. I thought at first, there must be a mistake, I can’t be in here, I thought. But I am.

I will review the book in a future post (totally without bias, of course but buy it!). The reason I wanted to share this with you is that almost to the day, 7 years ago I totally gave up my day job (I’d gone part time for the last year), to launch myself into running my own business, Changing People.

My day job was secure, I was well respected and on the career trajectory; the only way was up. But I looked up and knew it wasn’t where my heart was. With the support of my amazing family and friends I took a leap into the dark, gave up my salary and pension, and set myself up in my own business and changed my life dramatically and wonderfully.

BBC

If you had told me 8 years ago that I would be chatting to researchers on BBC’s Woman’ s Hour, appearing on an hour long radio show as a guest, being featured in my local paper on a regular basis, having my advice sought after by national magazines, been the keynote speaker at large conferences and smaller networking events, written my own book, devised my own best selling courses, and helped thousands of women make positive and lasting change in their lives I would probably have thought you were mad! And I would have been wrong.

Go For It!

If you have long held dreams in your life don’t abandon them. Take them out and dust them off. Be true to yourself. Most things are possible if you really put your mind to it. Focus your energy where you want your results. Don’t waste time bemoaning your lot, but spend that time much more profitably changing your lot. It can be done. Trust me, I’ve done it!

Photo Credit: Sharon Pruitt

Need a Break? Check out these questions.

How many of the following questions do you answer YES to?

• Do you feel you don’t have enough time for yourself, doing what you want to do?
• Do you often find yourself getting to the end of the week and wondering where all the time went?
• Do you frequently work through your lunch break, or grab a sandwich while skimming emails?
• Do you rarely leave the office on time at the end of the day?
• Do you take work home with you on a regular basis?
• Is your mind always buzzing? Do you find it difficult to switch off?
• Do you panic if you leave your phone at home/work and are without it for even short periods of time?
• Do you think you could be doing something different if only you had more time to think about it?
• Do you think life is passing by too quickly?
• Do you sometimes feel really lacking in confidence? Does it hold you back from doing new things?
• Do you have a feeling that there is something better out there but don’t know what the ‘something’ is?

If you answered yes to more than 5 of those questions it’s probably time time for you to stop and take stock. At worst you are heading for burn out and at best you may be pedalling furiously but not going in the best direction for you.

I didn’t actually make up those questions; they are all a variation of the reasons given to me by women for coming on my RenewYou day. I’ve been there too. For a period of my life I was so busy being busy that I didn’t have time to listen to the intermittent nagging voice in my head saying ‘Is this it?’

Sometimes we’re just so taken up with the grind of the day job, giving our all at work and home that we don’t take time to stand still and really think about what it is we’re doing. We are buffetted by events and react, rather than taking control. Once I took some serious time out to consider what it was I really wanted it helped me set about taking back control; in fact, over the course of a year I totally changed my life.

Scared?

I know sometimes it can feel totally overwhelming, and to be honest, quite scary. I was scared. But I was excited and enthused too! And, as soon as I had begun following my plan, directing my life, my energy levels went up, my health improved, and I had more time to do the things that were important to me. I just needed to give myself some time and space to work out what I really wanted.

It’s why, when I designed RenewYou, I made sure that there was plenty of thinking and reflecting time built into the day, and why I always choose a venue with some nice outdoor space. It’s great to spend some time walking and thinking. Deep inside we usually know our answers, and the thought provoking exercises, support and encouragement of a day spent renewing yourself helps you find them.

So, if you ticked more than 5, I urge you to take a bit of time to yourself and think about how you are spending your precious life. I still do it every year – make time for my own personal development and run a mini audit on myself. Whether you choose a course, a book, a coach, or simply find time to reflect yourself, make sure you do it! And do it soon!

Photo Credit: Watford

How to Get Better and Better!

If you’re feeling a bit stuck with life or work this bit of information might help. It featured in a recent newspaper article – I’d forgotten all about it. As you read it, think how you might apply it to you. It’s certainly given me food for thought!

How We Improve

There’s been a lot of research on how we improve and get better, and on why some people become experts in their field. Virtuoso musicians, for example, are generally no more naturally gifted than mediocre musicians. What they have is a drive and a passion to improve and be the best. Both groups practise regularly but the ones that go on to improve the most spend their time learning new things on their instrument and pushing themselves with complicated scales, while the mediocre tend to stick with tunes that they already know.

Apparently this has been well researched with speed typing! When people first learn to use a keyboard they improve very fast until they can do it without thinking. And at this point they don’t get any better. They plateau at a good enough level. They can get better, however, if they push themselves beyond what is comfortable for them and just keep typing faster and, crucially, allow themselves to make mistakes, they get better. They end up typing faster with fewer mistakes.

The Research

In the sixties, two psychologists, Michael Posner and Paul Fitts described the three stages people go through when acquiring new skills.

They are:

The Cognitive Stage, when we’re acquiring the new skill and intellectualising it; we’re looking for new strategies to accomplish it more efficiently.

The Associative Stage is when you’ve almost got it and are getting better at the task.

The Autonomous Stage is when you’re more or less doing it all automatically, like driving. You no longer think about changing the gears, you just do it automatically.

How many things in your life are plateaued? How much do you just do on auto pilot, on cruise control? Are you able to let yourself speed up and make mistakes? How much better might your life be if you could do that, in just one area? How prepared are you to take a risk to be better?

Photo Credit: Innosence