Motherhood, Nature & Music

A while ago I wrote a post featuring Alice Herz-Sommer. I recently heard that Alice is still alive, (107 last birthday), still lives alone in her London flat and continues to practise piano for two and a half hours every day. There’s an advert for the power of music and application!

I wrote about this remarkable woman in a piece on change, how people adapt and survive. Alice, a Jew, had survived the concentration camps but more than that had established a remarkable career as a concert pianist and shown no trace of bitterness at all. No hate. “Everything is a present“.

There have been many interviews with her and a best selling book; you can see a BBC one here. If you have time, I recommend that you take a look for she is truly inspirational. If I am feeling a bit fed up about something inconsequential, I only have to think of her to find my mood changing. Her philosophy on life is truly humbling and wonderful.

Meaning of Life

Alice has her own take on spirituality or religion and she describes it thus:

• the love of a mother for her child
• the beauty and wonder of nature
• music.

We can’t all be mothers or musicians, but we can all appreciate the beauty of nature. Whether you are in the city or the countryside, take a look around you and wonder at nature. Lift your spirits and let an amazing woman inspire you today!

Alice’s biography, A Garden of Eden, is in all good libraries, bookshops and via Amazon

How To Make Bad Times Better

Do you find yourself waking up, listening to the news and beginning to feel gloomy about everything? The state of the world, economic misery, people losing their jobs, sexism from sport presenters…

Unfortunately it’s really easy to make yourself fed up; it’ll creep up on you unawares and before you know it you’re succumbing to the grumpy stereotype and tutting indiscriminately. It requires a bit more effort to do the opposite. I am not about to advocate that you turn off the radio, TV, stop reading papers etc (although as a change that is temporarily refreshing) because I believe we should engage with the world and try to change things for the good, as much as we are able.

However, I do think we are in the midst of great change, change over which we have little control and which can cause us to feel the classic symptoms of anger, distress, helplessness, and melancholy. I am as susceptible to this as anyone, despite what I do for a living!  I frequently work with people in huge distress about what is happening to their jobs, to the services they provide, prospects for their children, etc. Their despair is genuine and valid, and I often share it.

But I manage the effect it has on me and you can too!

Manage the Effects of Change

One of the keys to dealing with change is to find an area where you can exert some control. Depending on your circumstances and outside events that will vary wildly from individual to individual. One thing you always have some control over is how you feel and respond to the negative stuff that comes your way. No one has yet cut that! 

I am not suggesting that you get all happy clappy and Pollyanna like and come across like someone who hasn’t a clue what is happening! I don’t want you to stop caring about what is happening to others, or to yourself. Keep taking action on what you believe in, direct the anger to an appropriate cause, try and make a positive difference in the world.

A ‘Control Your Feelings’ Exercise

What am I am suggesting is you try this simple exercise each morning and consciously manage your feelings, don’t let them be managed for you!

• As you start your day, pause and think to yourself  ”How am I feeling? How am I feeling emotionally? Happy? Sad? Angry? Guilty? Nostalgic? Vulnerable?
• What has provoked that feeling this morning? Is it an air of general malaise? Is it something happening in my life? Is it something I think might happen? Was it a chance remark? Did my bum look big this morning? (Honestly, when you stop to analyse it sometimes the most insignificant of things can set you off on a grumpy path!)
• Can you do anything about what ails you at this particular moment?
• Can you do something about it later? If so, make a mental note to do it.
• Do you want to feel like this all day? Is holding onto this feeling going to help or hinder you?
• Decide to take control. Consciously decide how you want to feel, don’t let others control that.
• Smile. Research has shown even a pretend smile can make us feel better about ourselves.

I try to do this most mornings; I like to see it as my own personal act of rebellion!

How do you cope with the current uncertainties of life?

How To Stay Motivated When You Hate Your Job? Tip 4

It’s really hard to motivate yourself to get out of bed every day when you really hate your job. Yet we all have to pay the bills and at various times in our lives we just have to put up with it until we can find a job we really want.

Here’s a tip to make the putting up with it more bearable.

Complete the exercise given in Tip 3 and try to be specific about what is missing from your current job. For example:

• Is it lack of stimulation?
• Lack of colleagues? 
• No challenges for you?
• No prospects of promotion?
• Too little pay?

It’s important to be as honest with yourself as you can, as not only will this help you find the right job for you, but will also help you find something to fill the gap. If you can’t actually change your job at the moment, what can you do to make good the missing bits? Here are a few ideas:

• Join an organisation where you will get company, like a reading group, an amateur dramatics company, a walking group
• Sign up for an evening class which will really stretch you, preferably one which might make a contribution to you getting that dream job in the future
• Take a second job for extra money, maybe bar work, home selling, selling your craft work at fairs etc. You could even try asking for a raise! It has been known to work…
• Ask for some extra responsibility, even if at the moment it’s unpaid
• Consider a sideways move to add to your experience. Depending on your circumstances and aspirations, it may even be worth taking a cut in salary if a job meets all your other requirements. (Honestly, that has worked for some people!)
• Undertake some voluntary work to add to your CV, such as doing the finances for a charity, or running an event

It’s not always realistic to expect a job to meet all your needs; you have to think wider and more creatively, particularly in times of economic downturn when everything is pared back. With a little bit of imagination you could plug the gaps and have fun too!

Make Your Dreams Come True!

Do you have a long held dream? A fantasy that one day you will give up the day job, cycle to Memphis, become a dancer, grow your food, start your own B & B…

If so, have you ever taken out your fantasy and had a proper real life look at it? Lots of women confide in me their long held dreams, which is lovely, but often seem surprised when I say,

“What have you done about it?”

Sometimes dreams become a refuge for us, a safe haven where we don’t need to think much. Which is fine if you intend your dream simply to remain a fantasy.

However, if you want to make your dreams a reality, you have to do something!

If you have long held plans to escape to France, for example, have you ever worked out how much money you might need? Which is the best area to live in? Signed up for language classes? Spent a research holiday in the area you like? Or if you want to run a B&B, have you talked to someone who has done just that?

Making your dream a reality may not be imminent but one day it could be. And you want to be ready for that moment! Knowing where you want to be will help with every other decision in your life! Do one small thing every week towards your goal and start making your dreams come true today!

I Hate My Job!

Well, actually I don’t hate my job; I LOVE it. But there was a time when I was unhappy at work and really couldn’t see a way out. I was quietly miserable in a ‘good’ job that had ceased to float my boat and the only thing that was keeping me there was the financial security and the prospect of a pension. In time I would have become a sad and moany woman, muttering in corners about a mythical ‘them’ who set out to make life difficult for me (Bet you know someone like that!)

And then one day I woke up! Why was I wasting my precious life worrying about the future and wasting the now? Why was I assuming that whatever I did next would not be as good (and it has been so much better) Why did I think I should be grateful to have the job I had? And why did I think that because I was in my late 40s I was too old to do something different? None of that actually turned out to be true and fear was holding me back. Losing some of that fear literally changed my life!

Resolve to Be Fabulous!

I hear similar comments to those above from women at almost every organisational in house seminar I run. Usually followed by - ‘But you’re so lucky to be doing what you love’. Well, luck had very little to do with it. I worked hard and plotted and planned to get my dream job, and you can too!

I know the economic climate is not great at the moment and I am not saying that making change is easy. However, if you never make a start you’ll never get anywhere. Things will improve and you could be spending valuable time now making yourself fit and ready to grab the changes when they present themselves. You must have heard the phrase ‘Luck is a case of hard work meeting opportunity’

Resolve to put in the groundwork now! Work out what you want to do (my book will help). Make a list of all those who will support you. Plan to retrain if you need to, maybe nightschool, your own reading, or a sideways transfer. You could get get outside professional help like a good coach, or go on a course.  Whatever you do, don’t put it off until better times come along. Start to work on your fabulous future NOW!

Women and Confidence

I was listening to Deborah Meaden recently, a hugely successful businesswoman and member of the Dragon’s Den TV programme panel.

Deborah was asked why there are so few women in business at her level. She replied that lack of confidence in their own abilities was a huge factor. She used one image which rang so true from my coaching experiences. Deborah described a group of women at a networking or business event, all very successful high achievers. And she said, everyone of them will be wondering why they have been invited and are there in the company of such amazing women!

It is so true! I have spoken with countless women who have a ‘I will get found out one day’ feeling! They think that they are not as good as other people perceive them to be! We know this from research; women consistently undersell themselves on C.V.s, at interview, ask for less money for jobs, bank loans etc.

Come on women, time to sit up straight(!) and know your own worth. Deborah told you so and who are you to argue with her!

By the way, Deborah has a book out, Common Sense Rules which you can order via Amazon or any good bookshop!