Problem Solving From New Angle – ReFrame!

When you get stuck with a problem try this technique – re-frame your issue!

The idea of re-framing has its roots in family therapy work, in helping people look at issues from a new perspective. When you are able to grasp a new perspective, issues which have been a worry can be seen in a different light, different options may appear, and that can help to lighten the load.

Take a Different You

So the next time you feel overwhelmed with a problem, at work or in your personal life, try looking at it from a different angle. You can even do this using different facets of your self. For example, what would the you at your most confident and assured think of this? What might a much older version of you think of this situation? Or what might your view of this have been when you were much younger? This will help you realise just how much knowledge and experience you’ve gained in life.

Pick a Person

Another way of using the reframing technique is to imagine how someone else would view the issue. Literally put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Using everything you know about them, or can imagine, try to hear what they would say or do about the situation. Would it be a bother to them? An exciting challenge? Would they tackle it head on or would they come at it obliquely? Would they even see it as a problem? If there is a colleague you particularly admire try and imagine how they would deal with the problem. It gives you options.

Reframing for Success

Many of the biggest successes and ideas have come from someone taking a new look at a what on the face of it might be a problem. Remember, Post It Notes, now found in every office, started life as failed glue until someone re-framed the problem!

Are You a Parent or a Manager?

If you manage staff do you do it on an adult to adult basis or do you find yourself lapsing into a parent type ego state? And if you are not in a management role, what type of manager do you have?

Transactional Analysis

When I’m working within organisations I often find it really helpful to use T.A. terms to help staff analyse what could be improved upon with their communication styles and working relationships.

One of the most common issues I come across is the parenting style of management. Generally speaking this is not a helpful position to hold and does not develop staff, either for their own good or to the benefit of the organisation.

Two Parenting Styles

There are two types of parent ego states in Transactional Analysis, the nurturing parent and the critical parent. While being on the receiving end of a nurturing type parent manager might be preferable to the critical I’d argue that neither are helpful or appropriate in a professional setting.

If you have a nurturing type manager they will be likely to speak to you in soothing calming tones. They may make you drinks often, pat you on the back, tell you not to worry and that they will go that potentially difficult meeting for you. Their kindness can stifle your potential, they do not allow you to make your own mistakes and develop.

On the other hand, a critical parent manager, will be forever finding fault with what you do, point their finger a lot, use phrases such as “You should do this..or “Pay attention here” They will rarely praise you for a job well done but seek to instruct you in ways you could have done it better.

A manager in adult ego state will treat you with respect, will use phrases such as “This might be useful to you” or “Have you seen this report?” In general their behaviour will be assertive.

Childlike Responses

The critical point about non adult styles of management is that staff are likely to respond from their learned childlike ego state. While this may occasionally be appropriate, usually it is not. Most organisations do not want a staff group frightened to make suggestions, use their initiative, or who are so disenchanted that they are subversive and ‘naughty’! And most people want to be treated as adults when working with opportunities to develop and grow.

Share Your Experiences of Managers

Do you recognise any of the above? I’d love to hear about your experiences of managers, if you noticed an effect on your behaviour, and how you responded to this.

If you’d like some support with your own management style, call me now on 01761 438749 or use the contact page to find out how I might help you or your organisation!

Nostalgia Makes You Happy!

Have you ever thought about nostalgia as ‘mental time travel‘? That’s the rather delightful expression Fred Bryant, professor of psychology at Loyola University in Chicago, uses to describe having nostalgic thoughts. He says it increases feelings of well being if you can get in touch with good feelings from the past and bring those feelings into the present.

Editing

It doesn’t seem to matter, in terms of increasing our well being, if we edit those memories a little. It may be more about how it feels to think about those times, the sense of fulfilment, or love, and that could be quite different from what we felt originally.

Bank of Memories

Professor Bryant’s research into this topic has shown that we can increase our day to day happiness by practising a a deliberate kind of positive reminiscence, and savouring our memories. In fact, building a bank of memories to be drawn on at any time. And part of putting deposits into that memory bank is to be very aware of your feelings at the time you are experiencing them… living in the moment and being mindful when you are having good experiences.

Women and Men and Nostalgia

Says Professor Bryant:
“Men tend to reminisce about the past as a form of escapism, but women are better at drawing on past experiences to help them with a current dilemma.” We use our memories to remind us of our strengths and to think about how we have coped in previous situations. I use this technique often on my training courses for women

I’ve written about the happiness bank before so it’s great to see the research backs it up. What’s going into your happiness bank today?

Create 50 Ways to Change Your Life!

Sounds like a tall order I know, but you can do it and here’s how!

Find yourself a 30 minute slot (Yes, you can change your life in half an hour!). Take yourself away from everything electrical, no screens, lap tops, or phones, etc although do play music if you want as that can help the creative juices flow.

Taking a blank sheet or three of paper and a handful of coloured pens, answer this question ‘What would change my life for the better?’

You need to keep your answers short as you only have half an hour from now to get it all down! Put down everything that comes to you, mad, bad, good and seemingly unachievable.

At first it will be difficult and you’ll struggle but once you have released your inner creativity, after about 10-15 minutes, the ideas will flow thick and fast. Think about people you admire, careers you would like, places you’d like to be, people you’d like to be with, consider everything about your life.

Stop after 30 minutes. Go and get a drink, you’ve earned it. Once you’ve had a wee break, visit your list again. How many ideas did you generate? Don’t look at it and think ‘too much to ever do’, but instead look at it and think ‘My life is full of possibilities! I am amazing!’ Because you are! You are fabulous!

Mindfulness and Stress

Note to self – do more nothing! A resolution you just might keep…

The art (skill?) of meditation has been around for centuries; I was taught about it’s benefits during my professional training, and when I first worked in a pyschiatric hospitals over 27 years ago it was being used as something helpful with patients. I have also been lucky enough to work with several Buddhists and be taught some of the techniques by them to cope with a very stressful job. At one point we had a regular lunchtime meditation group going which was much more ‘nourishing’ than a trip to the hospital canteen!

Research and Mindfulness

One of the most recent studies on the correct use of mindfulness techniques and meditation has found that it reduces the recurrence of acute depression by up to 50%. That is pretty large claim but NICE (National Institute for Health & Clinical Evidence, a UK organisation which recommends treatments to the NHS) has advised GPs to ‘prescribe’ it and they don’t do that lightly. It can help with all sorts of things, like hypertension and chronic pain.

What is Mindfulness?

Jon Kabat-Zinn, is one of the founders of the mindfulness research movement. He defined mindfulness as:

“paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgementally”.

Other definitions include:

• an open and receptive attention to and awareness of what is occurring in the present moment

• an awareness that arises through intentionally attending in an open, accepting, and discerning way to whatever is arising in the present moment

• an attention that is receptive to the whole field of awareness and remains in an open state so that it can be directed to currently experienced sensations, thoughts, emotions, and memories

• stated simply, waking up from a life-on-automatic pilot

Do Nothing

Perhaps, at this point in the New Year rushing around filling your head with resolutions and a huge to do list is not the best thing you can be doing for yourself. Maybe you need to learn to do nothing. To simply just be for a while. There is an article here which will get you started on mindful mediation, but if you simply just sit up well, not slumped,  close your eyes and focus on your breathing, and notice what is going on in your head for 5 minutes, you will be making a beginning.

And like anything worth having, it requires practise. If you can find 10 minutes every day for a week to try it out you should see some benefits. Go, on, do nothing!

If you meditate regularly I’d love to know what benefits it brings you!

Your Special Offer for January 2011! Be Fabulous All Year!

Dr Richard Wiseman has researched how likely we are to keep our New Year resolutions. Did you know that women can increase their chances of success by telling other people and gaining support and encouragement from them!

But he also found that women were often reluctant to ask for this help, cutting off this source of support. Which is understandable; we don’t always want to share our innermost thoughts and aspirations with people we see every day, it can feel too personal. Which is why working in total confidence with a professional can be so successful in helping you achieve your ambitions for 2011.

January Special Coaching Offer!

Throughout the first month of 2011 I am offering everyone who signs up for my  coaching session a really great deal! If you sign up for my introductory package during January, you will receive an extra session of one hour’s coaching absolutely free! At an agreed time after our first call, (when we will have discussed strategies for your maximum success) I will contact you to see how you are progressing, and to inspire and motivate you to continue!

Make this year the one when you do achieve your resolutions and live life to the full! Sign up now!