Need a Break? Check out these questions.

How many of the following questions do you answer YES to?

• Do you feel you don’t have enough time for yourself, doing what you want to do?
• Do you often find yourself getting to the end of the week and wondering where all the time went?
• Do you frequently work through your lunch break, or grab a sandwich while skimming emails?
• Do you rarely leave the office on time at the end of the day?
• Do you take work home with you on a regular basis?
• Is your mind always buzzing? Do you find it difficult to switch off?
• Do you panic if you leave your phone at home/work and are without it for even short periods of time?
• Do you think you could be doing something different if only you had more time to think about it?
• Do you think life is passing by too quickly?
• Do you sometimes feel really lacking in confidence? Does it hold you back from doing new things?
• Do you have a feeling that there is something better out there but don’t know what the ‘something’ is?

If you answered yes to more than 5 of those questions it’s probably time time for you to stop and take stock. At worst you are heading for burn out and at best you may be pedalling furiously but not going in the best direction for you.

I didn’t actually make up those questions; they are all a variation of the reasons given to me by women for coming on my RenewYou day. I’ve been there too. For a period of my life I was so busy being busy that I didn’t have time to listen to the intermittent nagging voice in my head saying ‘Is this it?’

Sometimes we’re just so taken up with the grind of the day job, giving our all at work and home that we don’t take time to stand still and really think about what it is we’re doing. We are buffetted by events and react, rather than taking control. Once I took some serious time out to consider what it was I really wanted it helped me set about taking back control; in fact, over the course of a year I totally changed my life.

Scared?

I know sometimes it can feel totally overwhelming, and to be honest, quite scary. I was scared. But I was excited and enthused too! And, as soon as I had begun following my plan, directing my life, my energy levels went up, my health improved, and I had more time to do the things that were important to me. I just needed to give myself some time and space to work out what I really wanted.

It’s why, when I designed RenewYou, I made sure that there was plenty of thinking and reflecting time built into the day, and why I always choose a venue with some nice outdoor space. It’s great to spend some time walking and thinking. Deep inside we usually know our answers, and the thought provoking exercises, support and encouragement of a day spent renewing yourself helps you find them.

So, if you ticked more than 5, I urge you to take a bit of time to yourself and think about how you are spending your precious life. I still do it every year – make time for my own personal development and run a mini audit on myself. Whether you choose a course, a book, a coach, or simply find time to reflect yourself, make sure you do it! And do it soon!

Photo Credit: Watford

The Lunch Break Mind Spa!

Is your mind always awash with possibilities? Do you feel there is a ‘white noise’ constantly in the background? If so, you could probably do with a little mind de-cluttering! It doesn’t have to be a major deal, you can do it in your lunch hour. See it as the mental equivalent of clearing a space to sit in and relax for a wee while. Give yourself some head space and take a break by trying out these three simple exercises in your next lunch break.

Three easy tips for mind de-cluttering

• Bring yourself fully into the present for just three minutes. It’s not long but if you are not used to it you’ll probably need a few goes at it. Whatever you are doing, eating a sandwich say, focus exclusively on it, (assuming you are somewhere safe and don’t eat your sandwich atop some scaffolding like that famous poster!) Look closely at your sandwich, notice the tiny holes in the bread, the way the filling is piled inside.  Take care over the eating of your sandwich and pay attention to what you are about to eat. And as you eat it really savour every mouthful. Notice how the combination of food feels inside your mouth, how long it takes to chew. Try not to allow your mind to wander to what you have to do later. Just focus totally on the task in hand, don’t think about the past, or the future. Be totally in the now.

• Next, focus on how you feel. Do a little mini audit, examine your emotions as well as any physical feelings. Once you’ve identified, for example, that you feel warm and maybe a little irate, work out where these feelings have come from. You may feel warm because you have just run up a flight of stairs, or because the sun is streaming through the windows. Are you warm comfortable? Or warm and uncomfortable? Just notice. Where has that touch of irateness come from? Don’t try to analyse, just notice and evaluate. Perhaps on the run up the stairs you passed someone from the office of a colleague with whom you are in dispute. Until you stop to check out your feelings you may not even have been aware what you are holding onto.

• After you’ve finished your sandwich sit back and look around at your fellow (wo)-man. Again just notice what is happening around you, without making any judgements as to why they are happening. Always coming to a conclusion or making judgements on folk can be mentally draining. Try to suspend your story-making and judging faculties for ten minutes or so, especially if your job requires this of you regularly. If you see someone dressed unusually, for example don’t jump to a judgement about them. Just notice and allow it to wash over you. If someone says something that normally would rile you, just smile and accept it as their point of view.

That’ s your mini mind spa over! Don’t worry if it doesn’t come easily; with a little practice it will and you can give yourself a mind de-clutter in every lunch hour if you wish!

Photo credit: Idemidem

Mascara and Mistakes!

Have you ever been happily putting on your eye make when a blob of rogue mascara somehow kamikazies off the wand and comes to rest on your beautifully moisturised cheek?

And have you ever left it for a moment while you continue with the doey eyed look you’re aiming for with that new eye shadow, only to find when you then flick at it that it leaves a large black smear on your face?

And have you then tried to wipe it off with loo paper only to find that a bigger mark appears and that one cheek looks decidedly un-moisturised, red and blotchy, and your carefully applied make up is ruined and you look like you’re about to set out on Army manoeuvres?

And you have to start again?

Have you then been and bought a product which takes mascara off with the minimum of fuss? Possibly even eschewed the loo paper for soft organic cotton wool? You may have had to try a few products until you’ve found one that suits you but eventually you settle on one that works well for you.

And My Point Is…?

I am frequently asked how do I do this or that in relation to my business and my web site. The truth is, of course, that I don’t actually do it all myself. I have done the career equivalent of blobbing mascara all over my face and then going for the quick fix (hurriedly grabbed loo paper!). And really it hasn’t worked well…not the look I was aiming for…

Just to be clear, I write all my own material, I design and deliver all my own courses, I write my own talks, but when it’s necessary I bring in the experts. Or the purpose designed make up remover! I have learned that sometimes an investment of time or money at the right time saves masses of both later on.

If you are struggling at this moment in time, maybe with job applications, starting a new blog, serious relationship issues,career indecision, whatever it is; do think about getting some expert help in. You may just need a little advice, you may need more. You may have to compromise according to your purse, but remember there is lots of free advice out there too. If you want to be professional in your approach, develop yourself and your skills then seek out good, sound professional advice which suits you and your style.

Or give up wearing make up!

If you have any examples of your own mascara blob you’re happy to share, I’d love to hear! It may stop some of us making the same mistake!

Me, Women, & Prisons

If you’re a regular reader of my blog you may have noticed that I’ve been quite doing a bit of reflection lately (here, for example). It’s always good to take a bit of time out now and again to think about what you’re doing and why you’re doing it!

One of the issues I wanted to pay attention to was that part of what I do which is not about actually earning an income.Obviously I couldn’t stop doing that, nor did I want to – I genuinely love what I do, but I really wanted to take some time to pay attention to the other bit of my working life.

Women and Prisons

In a previous role I’ve worked with offenders and in prisons. At that time, being employed in a bureaucratic government organisation I was restricted in what I could do, although we did pioneer some very successful group working! Recently I found myself wondering if the techniques and methods I use now (and know work with women to help them make really meaningful life changes), would have helped those women to take more control of their lives. I was idly wondering how I might make this a reality this when out of the blue my old manager from the probation service got in touch with me again. He is still doing some work in a women’s prison. I blathered on about my ideas, he was encouraging and enthusiastic… and together we have put together a plan! Early signs are hopeful, and we have submitted an outline for consideration. The wheels grind slow…but I am optimistic!

Women and Charity

My second aspiration was to make a contribution somehow to women’s issues the world over.  (I know, a bit grandiose of me but…you’ve got to have a go.) I’ve been researching for a while, looking for an appropriate charity to promote through these web pages and have been speaking with Womankind (if you click on the link you’ll hear Sandi Toksvig telling you all about it). There will be more about them in a post on International Women’s Day, March 8th. As my charity of choice I will be giving 10% of all proceeds from this site (advertising, book sales etc) to the charity. (And if you ever feel like giving a bob or two I hope you’ll think of them and click the link in the blog roll!)

The Day Job

However, I am still doing the day job! I’m still coaching and delivering courses like my  Women Ahead to encourage women to break the  glass ceiling and work towards equity in the workplace! But taking that  a wee break has been wonderful, and it’s possibly been one of my most creative periods to date. While I was turning my focus outwards the creative juices have flowed like billyho and I have all sorts of plans forming. I have made room to do more of what I want to do and have revitalised myself. It’s been wonderful!

So, when you can, step away from your own day to day stuff from time to time, do a little checks and balances exercise on yourself. Plan it in your diary, or take advantage of unexpected down time. How ever your life is at the moment (and life is always troughs and peaks, isn’t it?) it will help you if you can pause for a while, take some (mental) time out, and see where it leads you. Sometimes you need to make space for good things to happen. You may get a surprise…

Take a Long View

Given the job I have people sometimes assume that I have ‘it‘ all sorted. Most of the time I am pretty well grounded but nothing in life stays static and we are all learning and developing all the time. (The joy and wisdom of ageing!) You may be well sorted in your 30s then find your 40s a real challenge.

For the times when life doesn’t feel so sorted, or when you want to mull over where to next, I find it helps to take the long view. Easier said than done but I have an exercise which might help. I’ve just done it myself so can tell you it does help!

The Long View exercise

If you’re finding yourself in one of those ‘which way now?’ moments try this exercise to give yourself a sense of perspective.

Draw a time line across a sheet of paper landscape style. At one end put the year of your birth, at the other the year you think you’ll end life (Honestly, this isn’t depressing- I find it really gives me a spur to get on with life!). I, being an optimist, always put myself down as finishing at age 100 but secretly imagine I may live longer!

Divide your line into decades. If you pick 100 you’ll have a neat 10!

The first decade of your life was taken up with childhood. This is not an exercise to focus on very deep issues, so don’t dig too far. Just write childhood/school under your first decade.

The second decade in my case was still education, although I left home as well.

In my third decade I married, started a new career, had my first child and embarked on professional training. Blimey I was busy!

The fourth decade began with the birth of my second child and was when I began to consolidate my career; it also began to reveal the seed of my discontent with my chosen career.

The fifth decade involved new job challenges (promotion, secondments)and was when I made a serious life change and launched into my own career.

Now midway through my sixth decade I am making some serious decisions about my business. I don’t know what the next 4 and half decades hold for me but doing this exercise helps me to see I don’t have to make a decision in the next few days but that I do have to make a decision. If not I will drift and ‘events, dear boy, events’ will take place outwith my control. Seeing it laid out in this way both gives me time and reminds me that time is finite. If that makes sense!

It’s your life. Live it to the full and take responsibility for what you do. And be GREAT!

PS. Of course, this is not the only method I use when making decisions! I have great friends and family to talk with, I seek professional advice, I read other’s experiences and I research. But for the times when suddenly that all seems a bit overwhelming, the long view exercise is great!

If you try it, please let me know how you get on!

Keep Your Power!

Are you aware just how much personal power you have? I’m not talking about authority you have over other people because of status or wealth, or physical strength, but your inner command of yourself. How you actually feel, regardless of external trappings.

When I am working one to one with people who are experiencing difficulties with colleagues, the issue of personal power is often key in understanding and dealing with the problem. Ask yourself:

“Why are you giving away your power? Why are you letting ‘them’ have this degree of power over you?” (Obviously there are multitude of reasons for that which is why we’re talking in the first place!) Try to fully understand the situation you find yourself in from all angles.

Personal power is a funny thing. You experience a sense of power when you feel in control of your life yet can feel really powerless even if you’re the top woman in your organisation. Feeling powerful helps you achieve your goals.  Projecting personal power appropriately helps you influence others. It’s worth paying attention to it consciously.

Communication is Powerful

Considerable power comes from the ability to communicate really well; think about some of the great orators of our time (and if you’ve seen the film, The King’ s Speech, you’ll appreciate how our influential our upbringing can be, regardless of wealth or status).

People who are in control of their personal power don’t play the blame game much. Once you start blaming, or attributing consequences for you to someone else, you are effectively giving away your power. This commonly translates as:

“They make me feel….”

Stop right there. No one can make you feel anything. It’s the one area you have control. ‘They‘ may wish to make you feel small, insignificant etc but you can choose not to let them sap your personal power in this way. In the free world we all make choices about what we do, where we live, (within reason), who are our friends, what books we read, etc. Once we start allowing other people to control our feelings we are giving away power.

Choose Energy & Optimism

Power includes enthusiasm and optimism and power is related to self-esteem and confidence. So it follows that if you give it away your energy and confidence gets zapped too. And that’s a hard place to recover from. If you find yourself in that position, just ask yourself: “How much will I let this person/situation into my inner personal me. OK, I have to work here,( at the moment), I have to put up with cuts in service, changes in practise, changes in personnel. Or I may choose to stay in this relationship right now for various reasons, but deep within me I can remain intact”.

Become aware of the impact of other people on you, communicate with them assertively but respectfully and keep hold of your personal power!