Fed Up With Sundays?

Try doing something different today. Sunday’s can be a tricky day for anyone feeling low. I don’t really know why; it’s what people tell me. Sundays can drag on forever. So here’s some things you might try this Sunday:

• Get a newspaper that you don’t normally buy (even if you have to hide it in another cover). Challenge your comfortable views by reading the editorial.
• Walk around your nearest town and look up (don’t fall over). It’s amazing what you spot if you look at the tops of buildings. A whole history can be unveiled before your eyes.
• Buy a return bus ticket and get on the first bus you see and go wherever it goes. Look out of the window and be a tourist.
• Help out someone who looks as if they need a helping hand.

I hope that gives you a new perspective on Sundays! And do tell me, how are Sundays for you? What’s your week end favourite activity? How do you deal with feeling a little down in the dumps? And if this post has been helpful, you might find Banish Anxious Thoughts of interest too.

Photo Credit: Sanja Gjenero

Make Hay – the Sun is Shining!

Today the sun was shining as I drove to an appointment. I have a convertible car but it has been such gloomy weather wise that I’ve got used to keeping the lid on.

So I clambered in and started the engine and was about to pull away. And then I noticed that the sun was shining. And that everything looked just a bit better bathed in a golden light. And that it lifted my spirits.

I’m often a bit wimpy about taking off the roof on the way to meetings as it does tend to leave me looking a bit bedraggled. And lately the weather has been so unpredictable here in the West of England that a sudden deluge was not out of the question.

But how often does the sun shine enough to drive with the lid off?

So I took the lid off and sat mindfully for a moment for a two relishing the warmth and the fact that no rain was falling. No point in worrying about rain that had yet to fall.

And I arrived at my appointment looking a bit windswept. But I didn’t care.

Sometimes you just have to take the lid off in life. Don’t you?

How to Manage WorkPlace Stress – 3 Tips for Women

It’s Friday and you’ve had a stressful week at work and are longing for the week end. Phew, thank goodness Friday is here and you dash home thankfully and very tired.

But somehow the week end you had planned doesn’t quite cut the mustard. Your longed for rest and relaxation doesn’t materialise and you find yourself tetchy and irritated for much of the time. People around you are getting on your nerves and maybe you find yourself snapping at those close to you – kids, your partner or friends

You’ve taken that workplace stress home with you and it’s infecting other areas of your life.

3 Tips for Managing Work Place Stress for Women

It’s so easy to do. We know the research – even high fliers at work still end up doing more of the household chores than men (if the stats are to be believed). This is frequently an issue for women who are working with me, either one to one or on my women’s courses; it seems getting the work-life balance right is harder sometimes than getting that promotion!

So here are a few of my tips that have worked with other women.

• Finish work properly.
  By which I mean clear your desk, pack away any files and leave everything ready for Monday. Don’t take work home to sit reproachfully in your briefcase unless you are absolutely sure you a) really have to, and b) will be able to do it. Otherwise you literally have your work at home scuppering your chances of proper relaxation. I know at a certain level working at home is inevitable, but see if you can’t schedule this into the week nights and keep your week ends sacrosanct . You will be more productive the rest of the week for having a proper break. And leaving that desk primed for Monday is sending you a subtle but strong psychogical message.
• Share the chores.
  With a little more  probing it often emerges that women do have partners who are happy to share the chores but there is a undertone of  ‘they won’t do it properly so I’ll only have to do it again. It’s quicker to do it myself‘. If this sounds like you try to adopt the ‘good enough’ principle with some household tasks. Good enough means being good enough, not perfect. Don’t add to your stress by placing excessively high demands on yourself and others. Sometimes we can get a bit of victim mentality as we dash around trying to do it all…
• Take a guilt break.
  Being superwoman all week end (as well as all week!) means you’re on a hiding to nothing and probably quite difficult to be around. Make sure you do something over the week end that is just for you, that helps you recharge your battery. It may be tea in bed with the newspapers for half an hour; it may be a long phone conversation with a friend. Often it’s not a big thing but I find even when women do make time for themselves they tend to feel a bit guilty about it. Men do a lot of rushing around at week ends too. The difference I find is that men don’t tend to have the same feelings of guilt if they can’t do it all, or when they have a game of golf, watch the football, go to an exhibition. Whereas we women can get really good at beating ourselves up.
  Work out what it is you need to do to keep yourself on top form and then make time to do it! (If that’s on your too difficult pile take a look at What Stops You being Assertive?)

Life is a balance, sometimes a very delicate balance, of managing our needs and the needs of others. Remember, though, however many responsibilities you have at work and home, everyone needs a break, space to recharge. Make sure you build some time in for that, your essential maintenance down time! Happy Week end!

Photo Credit: Craig Hauger

A Job You Love?

“Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” So said Confucious and I who am I to disagree with him? I love my job - I have created the job of my dreams! First, of course, I had to work out what my dream job was!

I have loved other jobs in my time. And when I haven’t loved my job I’ve tried to find something loveable about it until I was able to get another. As long as I’ve had enough to pay the bills money has never been a great motivator for me. It rarely is. Money is no substitute if you hate your job, not in the longer term. And in work satisfaction surveys  money never comes top. It’s usually there, but it’s not number one.

Job of Your Dreams

You may not have found the job of your dreams yet; but don’t stop looking. And let’s not beat about the bush. It’s bloomin’ hard in the current economic climate to make changes. Great jobs are few and far between.

You can get ahead of the game though. Try not to be despondent and down hearted. Things will change. I know it feels like you can’t change anything yourself, and of course, that’s true on one level. But you can change how you react to what to what is happening in the external world. And don’t underestimate the power of your thinking in helping you make effective, lasting and positive change in your life. Along with actually doing something, of course!

Here’s one exercise to try to help you start preparing for your next move, and help you gain some control over your work situation.

• Grab hold of some kind of box, and if you wish cover it with images of work which inspire and motivate you. This is your ‘ideas and inspiration’ box and it’s a tangible reminder that you’re taking back some control.
• Start looking for jobs which you like the look of, in newspapers or on the internet. At this stage you’re not going to apply for them so they can be anywhere in the world. Don’t be constrained about meeting the requirements. Nothing is out of your league for this exercise. Go as high or low in salary and seniority as you like.
• Cut out/print off as many of them as you can and don’t censor yourself
• Collect all your cuttings together in your box
• Once you’ve got a good collection together read through them all at one sitting. Is a theme emerging? What is the common denominator? Are they ‘telling’ you something about your values? Is there an indication there that you need to add a qualification or two? Is that possible?

Once you’ve answered some of those questions you’ll have a good idea of what you next move might be, and you can start to make plans accordingly.

I have another exercise here which might help. And take a listen to my free audio download which you get immediately by clicking this link.

If you’d like some help and support making positive change in your life take a look at my 3Qi package. We can chat informally to see if it’s for you (01761 438749). And I’d love to know how you’ve found your dream job. Or if you’re still looking, what helps you through the daily grind?

Photo Credit: Sanja Gjenero

Candy-floss Makes You Sticky (Stuck)!

I love to think in pictures. And when I get myself in a bit of a pickle my candy-floss picture comes to mind.

Candy-floss is wonderful stuff.  Do you remember watching them spin yours at the fun fair or seaside, money clutched in your hot little hand as the magic began with a teeny sprinkling of sugar which was then spun and spun.

In a matter of seconds something had come of nothing. There was a huge cloud of pink fluffiness where previously there had been only air. And you gratefully grabbed it and within minutes had sticky sugar all over your face! Bliss. But then the stickiness persisted long after the candy-floss (cotton candy) had disappeared.

Possibly your Mum, aunt or sister did the wonderfully hygienic ‘spit on a handkerchief’ routine and then rubbed mercilessly at your face. Or maybe you just stayed sticky, attracting flies and other odd bit of debris in the air.

Adult Candy Floss Syndrome

You may not have heard of Adult Candy-Floss Syndrome (I think I have invented it!) but I suspect you might get an attack now and again.

It’ll creep up on you those times you don’t feel entirely in control, when problems abound. We all suffer from it. We take something relatively small and spin it until it looms large and leaves us stuck. We need the metaphorical equivalent of some vigorous face rubbing to help us get a sense of perspective and see where we can take back some control.

But first we have to acknowledge what we’ve done. Next time you begin to feel overwhelmed with an issue, bring the candy floss image to mind. Ask yourself, is this a real and tangible problem? if so, this post may help. If not, start spitting on that hankie!

Photo Credit: Vera Reis

Should You Audit Your Mates?

I think you should! I don’t mean check out their finances and ask for receipts, but I do mean take some time to reflect on your friendships and relationships with people you see or work with regularly.

Why?

Friends and acquaintances come from all walks of life. Sometimes we can’t quite even remember how  we became friends.  (Sometimes we can’t remember why we still are, but I’m not talking about that today!). Others we are close to because of shared interests, work, children, family connections, locality etc. All friendships need some maintenance work from time to time. Today I am suggesting that you take a few moments to think about professional friends and colleagues and conduct your private mini audit.

The Balance Act

A good relationship is finely balanced. Of course, there are times in our lives when the giving is all one way; for example, if you’re having a particularly difficult time at work like facing redundancy, or being reorganised to within an inch of your life, or having a difficult time with your business.  The giving may then be coming to you and you may not be in a position to reciprocate – yet. Likewise, you may be supporting a friend during a difficult time. It’s a question of give and take, at least it should be. I’ve written before how important women’s friendships are, they nurture and sustain us when the times are bad and fill us with joy when times are good. There is even an infectiousness to them which means the joy can spread between friends. Friendships are worth taking time over.

A Monday Exercise

So here’s my tip for a wee exercise (just for you-I’m not suggesting you share this) to start the week with. Grab a sheet of A4 and turn it landscape.

List three friends/good colleagues you are likely to come into contact with this week. Put their names equally spaced down the left hand side and then draw two columns. In column one, ponder for a while on what you can GIVE to those friends and colleagues this week. Use you knowledge of what is happening in their world to help you figure out what is most appropriate, and also take into account what you are able to give this week.

Your second column is what you might NEED from those friendships this week. Think through your week and what is happening for you. As you’ve just been thinking about your friends and their situation you’ll have a more realistic expectation of whether you are going to get what you need.  And if realistically you realise you’re not going to get it you may need to plan in other forms of support and advice. Or you may see that the balance is skewed and that it’s time to redress that and give a little more.

You don’t need to do this exercise very often. I have found it helpful with clients though when they are feeling life is out of balance. It helps to introduce a sense of perspective, and also helps us realise that we’re not always clear about what we want and expect those close just to ‘know’. Sometimes others close to us are doing exactly the same, and maybe we need to give a little without being directly asked.

It’s what makes the world go round!

PS I wrote a wee gratitude list last year as a blog post. It was good to do. There are many more I’d now add to that list but that’s for another day!

Photo Credit: Shannon Pifko