Share Your Gifts!

Late last summer I was walking with a friend in the lanes near my home when we happened upon one of our favourite gardens; a genuine Mr McGregor vegetable patch of beautiful, orderly rows of vegetables with companion planting and an elderly gentleman leaning on his hoe surveying his work. It wouldn’t have surprised either of us if Peter Rabbit had scurried out and made off with a lettuce while we watched!

We chatted with the gentleman who told us he and his family had owned the land and adjoining cottage for several generations and then invited us to see his flower garden.  It was glorious, a text book cottage garden with a green house full of geraniums so amazing that the Royal Horticultural Society had been to photograph them!

Elderflower

His wife joined us in the garden, introductions were made, and she offered us a chilled glass of her home made elderflower cordial. As we complimented her on it, she then offered the recipe with the extra advice that we should pick the flowers heads when the sun had been shining on them as they released most flavour then.

Pass on Your Gifts

This Sunday afternoon I have been making my own elderflower cordial and have been thinking of her and her husband and their generosity and kindness to strangers. And it made me reflect, what can I pass this on during this week ahead? What small thing, advice, or piece of knowledge could you share with work colleagues, friends, family or,  if the occasion presents itself, complete strangers? And with us, maybe, via the comments section? I look forward to hearing from you!

What’s Your Work/Home Balance?

A few weeks ago I was at a conference hosted by Pepsico, listening to one of their top women executives talking about the company’s philosophy on work life balance. I found it interesting.

For example, they don’t talk about work-life balance as work is part of life. Instead they refer to work/home balance, a much better description sending a subtle message.

Pepsico believes that workers contribute more at work when they are able to bring their whole selves to work. In the last few years they have introduced some very home friendly working practices which has had a huge impact on all staff, but particularly on women in their organisation.

Coaching Question

And one question they asked all employees at their annual appraisal is one I am sharing with you now as it’s such s good one. (Slightly paraphrased)

If you could set one goal in relation to your work/home balance what would it be, and what do you need from your employers to achieve it? Be clear and specific, and then be assertive and ask for it!

How do you manage your work/home balance?

Put Away Childish Things

It’s funny how some things stay with us forever, isn’t it? When I was at school each term began and finished with St Paul’s letter to the Corinthians, from the King James Bible, which contains these words:

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.  For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.  And now abideth faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

The religious aspect had little impact on me but the words and their meaning have always stayed with me. Little did I realise then how often they would resonate with my coaching many, many years later! U.S. President Obama also used them in his inaugural speech.

Impact of Stress

What I have learned through both experience and study since the 40 plus years since I first heard those words, is that when we are under stress of any sort, like a change imposed upon us, we sometimes resort to those childish things. We revert to comforting ways of behaving from our past, whether they are helpful to us or not.

So my coaching questions to you are:

What behaviours from your childhood are still helpful to you? (It might be a way of comforting yourself, your ability to make friends, how you learn new things and build your confidence)

What is it now helpful to jettison for once and for all? (It might be the equivalent of temper tantrums- anger you can’t always control, comfort eating, holding grudges, sulking)

What prism do you view the world through, your’ glass, darkly’?

And does love play a big enough part in your life?

The Paradox of Change

The Universe is Change; our life is what our thoughts make it.

Marcus Aurelius Antonius

Change is a paradox because actually nothing ever stays the same; all is change. Our bodies today are not the same bodies we had yesterday. There have been masses of tiny changes, small but incrementally they add up to something very significant. I do not look the same person from 10 years ago, but I don’t notice a significant change in my appearance today from yesterday, yet I am different.

In nature the changes may appear slow as we go through the seasons, watching day to day changes in plants and flowers, the weather.  There is a cycle of nature which we understand. And yet nature can surprise us often with volcanic dust clouds, heat-waves, floods and earthquakes. It is changing all the time.

Understanding that life is constant change is a fundamental concept to grasp if we’re to manage other changes in our lives successfully. Everything you have experienced has brought you to today, is part of you today and impacts on you and your future. You have an extraordinary and immense capacity to cope with change.

You are truly amazing!

Inspirational Women – Maya Angelou

There has been so much written about Maya Angelou that I’m fairly sure you will have heard or seen this before, but it’s so lovely and inspirational I make no apology for reproducing it once again. Enjoy and share with those you care about!

Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah on her 70+ birthday. Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older. Maya replied that it was ‘exciting…’

And she also said:
‘I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.’

‘I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.’

‘I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life.’

‘I’ve learned that making a ‘living’ is not the same thing as making a life.’

‘I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.’

‘I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back…’

‘I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision..’

‘I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one..’

‘I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back…’

‘I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn..’

‘I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.’

This link will take you to Maya’s official site. And incidentally, Maya is now in her eighties and still phenomenal!

Change – How to Survive Tip 3

Whatever age you are, you will have already experienced a lot of change. Even if it’s just leaving school to your first job, or going to college, or moving house, or getting a new sibling, you have experienced change. And the older you are the more changes.

Managing Change Tip

List ten changes that have happened in your life, over which you had little control. For example, you probably had to leave school at a certain age. Or your firm downsized. Or your industry became flooded with new technology (print, photography). Maybe your personal life went into freefall. But don’t only focus on negative change experiences, look for the positives too.

Now, consider your list. You have survived all those changes and are probably much better at dealing with change than you may think. What skills and qualities do you have that have helped you in the past, and will help you in the future?

It can be really helpful to do this exercise with a friend and share stories and ideas. And please do share any of your own tips!

If you want to be sure of getting all the tips in the series, why not sign up for the updates to be delivered straight to your in box. You can simply fill in your email in the box at top right of this page. And if you’d like to subscribe to my free newsletter there is more information here.