You’re Worth It!

Are you really good at setting yourself goals and targets but then seem to find yourself falling short?

There are probably many reasons but one of them may be that you are focussing too much on very practical goals, for example:

‘I will lose 14 pounds by December‘.

Instead try thinking more about what you want to feel like in December. Why is losing 14 pounds important to you? Do you want to feel more attractive? Do you want to feel more healthy? Do you want to feel more confident?

Once you’ve worked out what the ‘feeling’ goal is implicit in your practical goal, try focussing on that and see what happens!

What tips/advice/techniques have you find useful in making sure you reach your goals?

Three Coaching Questions for You.

We’re in a time of change. Even if you’re not directly affected, you are probably feeling some of the uncertainty that’s in the Zeitgeist. Feelings can be contagious, good or bad.

Three coaching questions for you:-

• How do you feel at this point in time? Are any feelings of concern or anxiety based on the actual facts of your life, or what you think might happen?

• Is it within your power to do anything about the situation at the moment, at this point in time? If so, start planning to do it. If not, why are you advance worrying?

• What is the worst thing that you think might happen? And the best…?

What’s Stopping You?

“Our lives can change with every breath we take. That is why we have to let go of what has been done.”
Author Unknown

One reason we can find change difficult, even when we really want the result making the change will bring, is because changing to something new means losing something. Change and loss, as well as change and gain are inextricably linked.

If we haven’t worked out what we’re afraid of losing, we’ll find reasons not to make the change. And we usually do this subconsciously, so our inability to make positive changes puzzles us…

If you have struggled to change your life for the better it’s worth taking considered time to ponder this question:

“What might you be afraid of losing?”

Women With The Lid Off!

I was listening to radio discussion recently when I just had to chortle out loud. The discussion was about convertible cars and it seems that they are most often bought and  driven by women over 50!

In the spirit of disclosure I had better own up to being a woman over 50, who was driving her red convertible car while listening to the radio! However, I obviously buck the trend as I was 49 and a quarter when I bought mine…..

I listened to the discussion with obvious interest. It wasn’t a deep discussion and had a light hearted touch, but one comment struck me. Asked why she had a convertible, one woman replied that buying it was symbolic of her having reached an age when she could do things just for herself.

And I very much identified with that. Like all the women on the panel, I had never bothered much about cars at all; they were utilitarian objects chosen because of their price, carrying capacity and ability to fit child seats in easily! And suddenly, it seemed, I found myself with a daughter who has her own car, a son away at University, and my husband who drove (still does) a wreck of an estate into which anything will fit! For the first time in my life I had no restrictions at all. I could afford the car I wanted and the insurance!

So maybe buying my car was a little act of middle aged defiance? Maybe, I was saying this is me, roof off, hair going crazy, independent me!

What has been your best or most enjoyable ‘act of defiance’?

PS Car in picture is NOT mine. Mine has a button to open the roof!

Naked? How Do You Feel About That?

One of my favourite quotes is this one from Eleanor Rooselevelt:

‘No one can make you feel inferior without your own consent’.

Manage Your Feelings

In fact, no one can MAKE you feel anything, good or bad! We feel the way we do because of the unique people we are and we do have some choice over our feelings.

So back to naked…. This is a wee story I use to illustrate the point when working with groups.

A naked person of the gender you find most attractive runs into the room, right now. He/she runs around the room, shaking their booty at all of us assembled, and then they run out of the room (you have to imagine my graphic representation of this, but fully clothed!), slamming the door shut.

We all sit there in stunned silence, until someone laughs, then someone tuts, and quietly someone cries. We have all experienced the same event at the same time in the same place, yet for however many of us are sat in that room there will be an equal number of reactions and FEELINGS to the event.

Because of who we are and the experiences we have had in life to date, we all feel differently about what has happened.

Criticism

So next time you have to assert yourself with someone or give feed back to someone, remember the story. ‘They’ don’t make you feel anything. Something they DO causes YOU to have your own feelings about it. So own that fact. ‘When you do so and so, I FEEL….’ Not ‘YOU make me feel angry’.

If you’re specific about the actual behaviour you don’t rubbish the person as a whole; you then stand a good chance of getting the outcome you want and preserving the relationship. No one can argue with what you feel! And no one can MAKE you feel anything!

How Inspirational Are You?

If you’ve looked at my Inspirational Women section, or receive my regular newsletter, you will see that I have a series of interviews with women all chosen to inspire YOU! I know from the many emails you send me that they do inspire you, and that you love the series. Thank you!

So I thought it might be fun if I asked you some of the questions. Please choose one or two to answer and share with other readers via the comments section of  the blog. Don’t compare, never compare. You are unique. Something you have to say might just be the magic push someone else needs to make a significant change in their life!

Here are some typical interview questions that I ask of my Inspirational Women. Answer them honestly about yourself, no hiding of lights!

Your Questions

1) What was your very first paid job, and do you use any skills you acquired then in your present role?

2) Which person had had the biggest influence in your life so far?

3) What is the best piece of advice you have been given?

4) What is the best piece of advice you have ever given and to whom?

5) Have you ever encountered sexism in your working or personal life and if so, how did you deal with it?

6) How do you relax?

7) Did you plan your career/life or have events just happened?

8) What has been your best mistake and why?

9) What is the best thing for you when you’re feeling stressed?

10) What is your favourite saying, or piece of poetry, or book?

11) What has been your biggest achievement to date, the thing in your life that you are most proud of?

12) If you could change one thing in your life right now, what would it be?

Even if you don’t want to share any of your answers, do have a go at the questions. And forward this link to anyone you think would enjoy answering them too. I think you’ll end up inspiring yourself! In my experience, most women are very good at underselling themselves and it takes an exercise like this that makes you realise just how WONDERFUL YOU ARE!