Got Any Apples Needing Picking?

It’s autumn and I LOVE this time of year. It always feels like a time of great renewal for me when I plan my year. I do also have winter hibernating tendancies and I love to stock up the larder and freezer and generally bustle around ‘playing house’.

It’s also a time of plenty in the garden. This year in particular my two apple trees have produced a huge glut of fruit which have been hanging over me somewhat reproachfully, as I haven’t actually made more than a couple of pies. Apples are so plentiful here in Somerset that it’s almost impossible to find someone who hasn’t got masses, or access to them.

Of course, in a month or two they won’t be so abundant, so I feel compelled to do something with them now. But the sheer scale of the operation is so daunting that up until now I have just had it on my ‘should do’ pile.

Which is a bit like life in general isn’t it? Sometimes there are just too many possibilities, or a task seems so huge, that we just never get around to making a start and the apples go to waste (or to the birds and wildlife).

However, my choice isn’t a stark one between make hundreds of apple pies or none, although in my head it had become that. I don’t have the time or the energy at the moment to make my over ambitious number pies using all my apples so (in the spirit of the 30 minute rule) today I am going to make three. One to eat, one for my Mum, and one to freeze.  And having made a start, I may make a few more later in the week. The important thing is just to start…

Got any ‘apples’ that need picking this week?

Are You Frightened of Success?

Are you your own worst enemy when it comes to success? Sometimes the main thing holding you back from success is you, you may be self sabotaging without even realising it. Fear of being successful is holding you back.

But of course I want to be successful!

Of course you do! Or do you? As much as losing one’s job brings about unasked for change, so does getting a new one. Except in the latter case everyone is pleased for us and expectations are high…

Another example; you may be single and have told friends you are looking for a new relationship; that you feel ready to move on but the right people just aren’t out there. Friends rally round to introduce you to new people, tell you about dating sites, offer advice.

But you take no action. In your head there is always a good reason why you resist all offers of help. It’s the wrong time, you’re going to lose weight, you’re really busy at work, if it’s meant to be it’ll happen.

Or maybe you are bored and miserable in your job. Yet you stay, grumbling about it daily but taking no action to get out of the rut you find yourself in. Then a new job comes up which has everything you want and you meet all the requirements. It’s a bit of a step up, but in your heart you know you can do it. So you send for all the information, have a great informal discussion with the HR person and then miss the application deadline.

In both cases you are self sabotaging and if you want to make a positive change in your life you have to discover why you do it.

Coaching Questions

If self sabotage rings true for you, try to honestly answer these questions about yourself:

• Are you frightened of change, even when it’s positive.
• What’s your track record with change?
• Do you spend so long analysing situations that you become paralysed with all the possible outcomes so you do nothing?
• Do you hold particular self limiting beliefs, such as ‘I’m not good enough’
• Do you get attacks of ‘Imposter Syndrome‘ believing that everyone else is better than you so you tell them about your faults before they ‘unmask’ you? (In my experience this is very common with women – don’t focus on your shortcomings, talk about your strengths!)
• Do you procrastinate so take so long to do something that the deadline passes, or action is never taken? This way, you’re always working toward to it but never quite get there.

If you’ve ticked any of the above, don’t despair! You can change. You have got stuck in a pattern of behaviour that can be altered, a new pattern can be introduced to replace the old one.

Step one is being honest with yourself. You need to know what it is you want and what it is that stops you getting there!

YOU CAN BE SUCCESSFUL!

If you have successfully tackled any self sabotaging behaviours, or have some tips to share, I’d love to hear from you!

Are You Colourful Enough?

If you follow me on Twitter or LinkedIn you will probably have heard me talking about my trip to the spa recently. I went with my daughter as my darling family seemed to think I needed a treat and who was I to argue?

It was wonderful, pure and unadulterated relaxation. One of the most relaxing and yet stimulating ‘activities’ (if you can call lying on a couch in a white towelling robe an activity) was also one of the most simple.

It was in a circular room, draped in white fabric tented style with luxurious seating, candles, low lighting and soft birdsong type music. All the senses were indulged. In the centre were four different sized glass columns full of gently bubbling water which changed colour every few minutes. The effect was very gentle and calming yet sitting there I did more thinking about Life and the Universe than I have in ages. It was a great experience for my business as well as for my health.

Colour Your Life

It’s well known that colour can have a great effect on our imaginations and problem solving abilities. Yet I still visit workplaces which are dull and uninspiring, where the dominant colour is battle ship grey. If you work in such a place you are probably not consciously aware of the dulling effect it may have on you.

So try and jazz it up. Introduce some colour into your workplace, maybe with plants, posters, crayons on desks. This is particularly important if you don’t have access to a window and can’t see natural light. In those circumstances orange (sun like) can be a good colour to introduce somehow. Have some fun.

Some companies instinctively do the right thing. For example,I am in discussion with a large organisation looking with some advice for managers in helping staff be more creative, more involved and energised. They have chosen a very stimulating environment for this day and are busy incorporating lots of fun in amongst the serious stuff. I know they will get at least as good results, if not much better, than if they had gone down the standard team day route!

How much colour is there in your life? How could you zest up your life with a little bit of colour and relaxation?

Is Your Past Haunting You?

Does your past dominate your life? Are you stuck reliving past mistakes? For example, do you sometimes feel you can’t move on because of your difficult upbringing? Or that if only you’d had more support when young your life now would be easier?

Are you allowing your past to hold you back, using it as a shield to play safe?

It’s Never Too Late!

I firmly believe it’s never too late to try and create the life you want. Just start now – whatever the circumstances of your past.  People have survived horrendous life events (Read about this amazing holocaust survivor here) and in spite of that, (or maybe because of that), gone onto do amazing things with their lives!

Always aim high. If you give yourself low expectations you’ll probably not be disappointed. But set yourself high and worthwhile aims and you may discover more about yourself than you ever imagined possible!

If you find your past coming back to haunt you, if you hear that nagging voice in your head telling you you can’t do it, take a look at this longer article. Try out the exercise contained within it,  and aim to put the past where it belongs- behind you! Eyes front and upwards!

If you’d like some support with creating your new life there are masses of articles on this site, and you can also sign up for a regular injection of enthusiasm via my newsletter! Or check out my coaching here.

How Not To Be Ordinary!

There are a few studies around that show that actually doing things for other people may boost your own willpower and stamina!

Research carried out by Kurt Gray, Harvard PH.D. student, seems to suggest that people who are doing something they consider to be morally good for others, receive in return a boost to their efficacy, and also feel stronger and suffer less discomfort. He believes that attempting heroic acts gives you more of what is needed to perform heroic acts!

He describes the effect as “moral transformation” on the basis that good deeds are able to transform someone from ordinary to exceptional.

The findings came from the results of two studies. In study number one, volunteers were given a $1 note with the instruction to either donate it or keep it.

Then they were requested to hold a 5lb weight up for as long as possible. The ones who gave their note to charity held the weight up for 10 seconds longer on average.

The second study involved volunteers writing one of three story choices. The choices were: one where they as a character harmed others, one where they did good, and one where they did neither. They also had to hold a weight up at the same time. Those who wrote about helping others were able to hold the weight for longer.

So now you know how super girl got her powers! Go on, be heroic today! Do something wonderful for someone!

Can You Stop Feeling Guilty?

‘Show me a woman who doesn’t feel guilty and I’ll show you a man’ – Erica Jong

Well, I might take issue with the idea implicit in this that men don’t feel guilt; I know they do. But my experience suggests that we women may hold the record for feeling lots of it in almost every area of our lives! Women are very good at feeling guilty!

I’m not talking about profound and deep seated issues here, which require psychiatric intervention and truly blight lives. That is a complex and much more difficult situation to manage.

I’m talking about the many pangs of guilt we feel, sometimes fleetingly, sometimes continually, every day.

For example, do you feel guilty if:

• You don’t take that phone call from a friend you know will drain you emotionally?
• You skip breakfast and then eat a bagel with cream cheese and a bag of crisps and no fruit?
• You love your work but think you should spend more time with your family?
• You were too tired to listen properly to your partner?
• You hate housework?
• The idea of being a domestic goddess makes you ill but…?
• You don’t weigh in at the ideal weight for your height (not tall enough probably, that’s my excuse)?
• You feel guilty because you keep feeling guilty about things…?

Try ‘The Get Rid of Guilt’ Exercise!

Every time you feel the guilt pang, make a note. How many times in a day do you feel guilty?

Look at your list and try to honestly answer these questions:

Is that guilt yours? By which I mean, have you contravened your moral code, done something you feel ashamed of? Or, as in some of the examples above, have you not lived up to someone else’s’ ideal of what womanhood should be?

And finally, is it an indicator for you of a problem you need to tackle in your life?

I have another favourite quote to share-

‘It’s always better to feel guilty for something you’ve actually done, rather than something you’ve left undone!’