How to Tell Your Story

Have you ever thought about your life as a story?

You can tell your story in so many different ways. How you choose to tell it affects how you live your life.

Past Lives

All of us have had sad and difficult times in our lives. All of us have done things we wish we hadn’t. If we fill up our story with these episodes we feel hopeless, buffeted by life’s events, at the mercy of others. And that’s the face we show to the world.

Believing that bad things happen to us tends to become a self fulfilling prophesy. We fail to spot the good things in our lives and take the opportunities that arise.

Happy Endings

However, if you focus on the good that has happened in your life, the story looks very different, and can have a very different ending! It’s not simply a question of adding up the number on each side, because the value of each event is different. And unique to you.

In my next post I’ll give you an exercise to help you look at your story in a positive light. Meanwhile reflect on how you describe the story of your life so far! A sad soap or a feel good film!

Friday Feelings!

It’s the end of the working week (for most of us!). How has this week been for you?

Do you ever take a few moments to stop and review?

Try this exercise as you wind down for the week end.

Your Week

Think back over the week and the people you have encountered, either in person or through the media.

Who has inspired you?

Who has helped you?

Who has held you back?

And conversely, who have you helped, inspired or held back?

Do let us know who are the most helpful, inspirational people in your life!

Manage Yourself

It’s funny how themes seem to emerge when I’m coaching. Recently three different clients were experiencing very similar problems; a disinterested boss.

They weren’t being bullied, they loved their jobs, the pay was fine, the environment was fine. They simply had managers who took very little interest in what they did and in their development.

Survey

It’s not surprising it bothered them so much; a survey from Gallop revealed that having a manager who took an interest in, and regularly praised staff, was in the top ten factors for satisfaction with work.

My clients had partly solved their dilemma by investing in coaching (and one had persuaded her boss to pay, clever her!) but if that’s not an option what can you do?

Tips for Managing Yourself

You can’t rely on getting  a good manager but if you’ve had one in the past, it helps to be specific about what made them good. Your list of requirements may be very different from someone else so just be honest about what you need.

• Is it support to do your job?
• Is it an ear to act as a soundboard for ideas?
• Is it to be stretched, developed and challenged?
• Is it to signpost you to further training?
• Is it to connect with other areas of your company, be kept in the loop?
• Do you need some validation or praise for your role?

Once you have specified for yourself what you are missing, think widely about your network and see if you can get these elements elsewhere in the organisation.

For example, if several of you feel the same, you might be able to set up a lunch time support group. Or maybe a professional group when each person takes turns to present a case/example/issue for discussion? This is a very good way to develop everyone!

Co-Coaching

Maybe co-coaching is the way to go? Find another person with a similar interest to you in their career, not necessarily someone you really like, (but respecting them is essential.)

Agree the aims and boundaries of your co-coaching arrangement. You may choose, for example, to meet for 45 minutes in a lunch hour. One of you has fifteen minutes to share your issue when all attention is focussed on the speaker (no sharing of anecdotes or butting in with your own experiences). The listener can speak but only to clarify her understanding of the issues.

The remaining 30 minutes are dedicated to looking at strategies to help the speaker. At the end of the session you should have a mini action plan for strategies to try with a date by which they will be done. the next session you swap roles.

Listen and Prepare

I use this type of partnership working on my training and it’s amazing how successful it can be. The key is to really listen and for the speaker to prepare beforehand, be honest and listen to the suggestions offered in return.

If you’ve tried this I”d love to know if it worked for you. And if you’ve any tips to share, let’s hear them!

P.S. If you’d like to discuss your own coaching options, you can simply call me on 01761 438749, no obligation, or use this link

Three Questions for Helpful Thinking!

I’ve written before about the benefits of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, C.B.T., and positive thinking so here’s some practical suggestions!

At the core is the idea that our thoughts can block us from viewing life in a positive way, a way that’s helpful to us. Positive thinking helps us to identify those beliefs we hold which drag us down and distort our thinking (In my RenewYou course I call this our internal mail), and change them.

The first step in managing your unhelpful thinking is becoming aware of the negative thoughts. Jot them down each time they pop into your head:

“I can’t do that”, “I’m no good at that”, “I’ll fail this” etc.

Each time you find yourself falling into the old pattern try answering these three questions:

• What is my evidence for this?
• Is there any evidence that doesn’t support this belief? Be as honest and objective as you can; treat it as an academic exercise.
• How might someone else interpret this event? What’s an alternative way of explaining what’s happened?

What are your best tips for keeping in a positive frame of mind?

Tap Into Happiness

If you find yourself feeling a little low here’s an exercise you might want to try to make you feel HAPPIER.

Find a photo of yourself from a time when you were really happy.

Take a few moments to just sit and stare at it; immerse yourself in those happy memories. Try and allow all the sights, sounds, and scents from the occasion to flood in. Really take yourself back to the moment.

As you do this there are actually some physiological changes taking place which will be making you feel a little better.

Dwell in the moment a little longer, then pop the photo somewhere like your desk drawer or inside your diary. (I find the effect fades if I’m too profligate and look too often, but a peek now and again works wonders!)

The more observant among you may have noticed that the photo bears a resemblance to me. It was taken on my 50th birthday when I was surrounded by family and friends and having an amazing time. My brother took it and captioned it ‘pure joy’. He was right. Looking at it always makes me smile, and now I always wear a (toy) tiara on birthdays!

When was your last ‘pure joy’ moment!

Plan to Worry

Here’s a quick tip if you find yourself worrying too much about something.

Don’t try and ignore what’s worrying you but, if you can’t immediately do something about it, give yourself a worry time. Decide that at a certain time you will spend some time giving the worry your full attention.

Put it in your diary and then when one o’clock, or whatever time you choose comes, sit down and think about it for your allotted time.

You’ll come back to the issue refreshed and may even get a much better solution!

How do you cope with your worries?