Top Tip for 2012!

It’s the end of the year and my advice to you is don’t make any New Year Resolutions!

Really, it s probably not a good time. You’re probably tired, you may have over eaten (No, surely not!), you may have over indulged in other ways, probably have a backlog of work waiting on your desk, and may be thinking about money, or lack thereof. And everyone is talking about New year resolutions. (Including me, sorry!)

So, Jane, I hear you cry, so if I’m not to join everyone else in making new year resolutions on 1st January which I struggle to keep and abandon half way through January to be plagued with guilt feelings until about mid February when I get back to normal…sort of, what should I do be doing?

Well, dear reader, far be it from me to tell you what to do but as a coach and writer of personal development courses for women (I can’t help myself) I do have a suggestion you might like to try.

Look Back in Kindness

Lots of good things will have happened to you in 2011. Take some time to recognise what those good things were. Generally these things aren’t just random; you probably did something to help those good things happen. However, we all have a tendency to focus on what went wrong and your head may be full of what didn’t go the way you wanted it to. But even when things seem to go wrong good can result.

Name Calling

Often at this time of the year we are calling ourselves names, (so fat, so feckless with money, so disorganised etc) and we set about resolving to ‘fix’ ourselves. We’re not kind to ourselves. We can start with an assumption that we need fixing.

We’re staring with a negative.

Which is not a good place to start. So accentuate the positive! Look back on your year in kindness and remember all the good that came out of 2011, all those minor triumphs. It may be the job interview that you got really great feed back from (whether you got the job or not), the new friend you made, the new skill you learned, or the wisdom about yourself you accrued (and it’s harder to accrue wisdom if nothing ever goes wrong in your life!)

And that’s it. That’s my tip for 2012. Go forth into 2012 tonight with a kindly view of 2011. Build on the good, let go of the bad. Take an appreciative inquiry view to life and be true to yourself!

And have a fabulous 2012, being you!

Photo Credit: Free Graphics

Women, Avoid Martyrdom This Christmas!

How are you? How are you feeling right now? No really, how ARE you? How you doing?

I imagine that quite a few of you are feeling a tad stressed and overwhelmed with all you have to do, both at work and at home. It’s the time of year when our work home balance can get quite out of kilter.

If that feels like you right now take a few minutes to consider this:

Christmas will happen whatever.

Christmas is not simply one day-it’s a season. If it doesn’t go right one day there’s another on the way.

Most things will still be there on December 28th.

Time is man made. There is no law that says everything must be completed on time (except  tax-do your tax returns on time!)

Are you succumbing to the well known ‘I must be superwoman at work as well as making my own mince pies and knitting a witty cat blanket and still look gorgeous’ syndrome? It’s rife at this time of the year and very infectious. If you haven’t been inoculated you could be in danger.

If you’re getting caught up in the pressures that are heaped onto women’s heads at this time of year (by ourselves as well as others) take a moment to pause and reflect. Try giving yourself this mini cure.

The Cure for Martyrdom

What really matters to you and those you care about during this season? If you come up with the answer a beautiful magazine-photo-fit home and hand knitted mince pies then you’d better give that some priority.

But most of us won’t come up with that answer. Most of us will want a relaxing, argument-free time with people we care about, if we can manage it. If the cards don’t get posted on time, they’ll arrive late; the world won’t stop spinning on it’s axis.

Remember to take a break now and again. Recent research shows that people who practice mindfulness are particularly resistant to the blandishments of the ad industry, and frankly that’s what’s we’re talking about here. Being constantly bombarded with images of the perfect woman organising her perfect Christmas for her perfect family, while wafting clouds of Chanel and simpering Nigella like over the bread sauce are so not real! They are figmentsof the admen’s world.

Instead, let’s ‘channel’ Marje Simpson enjoy ourselves! Cheers, purple haired lady!

P.S. I think it might just be me with the cat blanket thing..substitute your own pointless activity.

Photo Credit: Steven J Sullivan

Do You Know Where Your Pause Button Is?

Are you getting caught up in the pre-festival frenzy?  Did you start out very organised and resolved not to be caught out this year yet somehow find yourself speeding up as the days go on? Do you feel like you’re stuck on fast forward?

If the answer is yes, perhaps it’s time to press pause.

Stop

There was a fascinating item on BBC radio a while back about mindfulness. Apparently people who practice mindfulness are a much harder bunch for advertisers to sell to (they can be less stressed all round, see this post). Or rather they were able to resist more effectively the intense pressure of advertising than other groups. They didn’t need so many things to feel content. So here’s a very short mindfulness type exercise which won’t eat into your day but may reduce your stress levels and act like your own internal pause button during these busy weeks.

The Press Pause Exercise

Each hour has 60 minutes. Choose one of those sixty minutes and do the following:

Pause in whatever you are doing (in safety-obviously!). If possible lower or close your eyes.  Become aware of just what your body is doing. Notice if your feet are on the ground, hooked round a chair, if you have crossed legs, etcetera? Now pay attention to your torso. How are you holding yourself, are you able to breathe as well as you can?

Now notice your breathing. How are you breathing? Just take notice, don’t change it (although almost inevitably just being aware will slow your breathing).

Notice how you actually feel. Don’t judge, just notice what your feelings are, become conscious of your emotions.

And finally, when convenient for you, breathe out one breath for a slightly longer time than normal. Just one.

Open your eyes.

Smile.

Press go.

Photo credit: M Kranz

Don’t Panic! Stop & Breathe!

Like many women at this time of year, I found myself yesterday morning feeling a sense of panic at all the things I hadn’t yet done and all the things I had to do for my work and all the sheets that needed washing and all the food shopping and all the presents not yet bought and cooking for the friends coming this evening and….

Stop!

Before I even realised what was happening the tension was creeping up my back and I literally couldn’t see the wood for the trees (or in my case the desk for paper!) So I took a bit of my own advice (I do from time to time, honestly) and stopped for a moment or two.  I stopped working, took a few deep breaths, and asked myself my favourite question when feeling overwhelmed:

“What’s the worst that can happen?”

And the answer to that was nothing particularly dreadful. There were some work things I had to do otherwise I would be letting people down, but apart from that… almost everything else was not truly urgent and the world wouldn’t stop spinning on its axis if I didn’t do them in the way I had planned.

Ask Yourself

If you’re feeling a little overwhelmed at this time of the year, try asking yourself the ‘What’s the worst’ question and answering it honestly and realistically. The answer to that will help you plan your day in a more constructive way and hopefully help you see things from a fresh perspective!

PS After doing this exercise yesterday I worked very hard all morning, and then went with a good friend to The American Museum in Bath to see how the early settlers celebrated Christmas. It wasn’t on my to do list, but it did me a power of good!

How do you manage your potential Festive Stress? Do share your tips!

Christmas Baubles – Tip One

As the holiday season approaches pressure is mounting to go out all for perfection. In this post I’m talking about celebrating Christmas but it applies to any celebration, whatever your faith or culture. Magazines, colour supplements, adverts, make over shows, all are encouraging us women to provide the perfect Christmas experience.

Don’t fall for it.

Take a moment now to think about your best festive holiday times? My guess is that they won’t have been reliant on perfect table linen, professional floral arrangements, massively expensive gifts and an ‘advertisement perfect’ family.

Three Things for Christmas Perfection

List three things that make a festive holiday perfect for you; pick from emotions and feelings as well as material things. It’s very easy to get caught up in materialism and beating yourself up for not being the perfect hostess. If you take a little time now to really focus on what makes the season special for you and your family and friends, that’s where you can direct your energies for the next few weeks, and where you can see a real return in creating your idea of perfect Festive Time.

Forget the Matching Candles!

I love Christmas and I have done my fair share of wittering about matching candles, trying to do it all myself, and wanting a spotless house looking like something from Ideal Home. In the end none of that really matters. If people step across your threshold into a wall of tension and simmering discontent it doesn’t matter how perfect it all looks. No one will relax and enjoy themselves, least of all you.

Resolve now to make this festive period one which you enjoy and relax. Aim to create your three most important things as best you can and simply enjoy all the hustle and bustle, lights, music, crowds for what they are, and stop working towards some idealised version of the perfect Christmas!

Please do share your own tips for not only surviving but having fun too!

Do You Give Too Much?

If you’re feeling a bit drained and tired lately maybe you’ve let life get a bit out of balance? Perhaps you’re giving out a lot but not taking enough back in?

Women especially tend to be the caregivers in our society, looking after everyone else and sometimes forgetting to look after themselves in the process. As a big family occasion draws near in the Western world it could be a good time to take stock.

Your Giving Audit

Try this simple exercise adapted from one of my women’s courses, to see how your in/out balance is looking at the moment.

Take two coloured pens and a sheet of A4 paper. Draw two large circles, one in each colour to fill your page, which have an overlap in the middle (memory tells me we might be doing a Venn diagram here!)

In one circle write the names of all those you give support to, people you help, people you have some responsibility for, at work and at home. In the other do it in reverse, that is all those who support you and give you help, advice and care.

In the overlapping part of your circles put the names of those who fit both categories, i.e those you support and who support you in return. As you move the names into the overlap of your circles, cross off their names in the main part of your circles.

Now take a look at what is left.

Only you know if the balance is right. It’s not a straightforward equation in that we give merely to receive in return; there are lots of times in life when we give freely without expecting any return. But, if you are not getting enough support yourself, your pot of giving can become dry and you will find yourself getting tired, stressed, and burnt out. You need to look after yourself too.

And one final question to honestly ask of yourself:

Do I make it easy for others to give me help and support?