How to Manage WorkPlace Stress – 3 Tips for Women

It’s Friday and you’ve had a stressful week at work and are longing for the week end. Phew, thank goodness Friday is here and you dash home thankfully and very tired.

But somehow the week end you had planned doesn’t quite cut the mustard. Your longed for rest and relaxation doesn’t materialise and you find yourself tetchy and irritated for much of the time. People around you are getting on your nerves and maybe you find yourself snapping at those close to you – kids, your partner or friends

You’ve taken that workplace stress home with you and it’s infecting other areas of your life.

3 Tips for Managing Work Place Stress for Women

It’s so easy to do. We know the research – even high fliers at work still end up doing more of the household chores than men (if the stats are to be believed). This is frequently an issue for women who are working with me, either one to one or on my women’s courses; it seems getting the work-life balance right is harder sometimes than getting that promotion!

So here are a few of my tips that have worked with other women.

• Finish work properly.
  By which I mean clear your desk, pack away any files and leave everything ready for Monday. Don’t take work home to sit reproachfully in your briefcase unless you are absolutely sure you a) really have to, and b) will be able to do it. Otherwise you literally have your work at home scuppering your chances of proper relaxation. I know at a certain level working at home is inevitable, but see if you can’t schedule this into the week nights and keep your week ends sacrosanct . You will be more productive the rest of the week for having a proper break. And leaving that desk primed for Monday is sending you a subtle but strong psychogical message.
• Share the chores.
  With a little more  probing it often emerges that women do have partners who are happy to share the chores but there is a undertone of  ‘they won’t do it properly so I’ll only have to do it again. It’s quicker to do it myself‘. If this sounds like you try to adopt the ‘good enough’ principle with some household tasks. Good enough means being good enough, not perfect. Don’t add to your stress by placing excessively high demands on yourself and others. Sometimes we can get a bit of victim mentality as we dash around trying to do it all…
• Take a guilt break.
  Being superwoman all week end (as well as all week!) means you’re on a hiding to nothing and probably quite difficult to be around. Make sure you do something over the week end that is just for you, that helps you recharge your battery. It may be tea in bed with the newspapers for half an hour; it may be a long phone conversation with a friend. Often it’s not a big thing but I find even when women do make time for themselves they tend to feel a bit guilty about it. Men do a lot of rushing around at week ends too. The difference I find is that men don’t tend to have the same feelings of guilt if they can’t do it all, or when they have a game of golf, watch the football, go to an exhibition. Whereas we women can get really good at beating ourselves up.
  Work out what it is you need to do to keep yourself on top form and then make time to do it! (If that’s on your too difficult pile take a look at What Stops You being Assertive?)

Life is a balance, sometimes a very delicate balance, of managing our needs and the needs of others. Remember, though, however many responsibilities you have at work and home, everyone needs a break, space to recharge. Make sure you build some time in for that, your essential maintenance down time! Happy Week end!

Photo Credit: Craig Hauger

Why Can’t Women Speak Their Minds in Boardrooms?

Women need to speak up, so says Dr Judith Baxter, an expert in linguistics. Dr Baxter has undertaken a survey in seven major companies, including two in the FTSE-100 as part of an Economic and Social Research Council research project entitled ‘Leadership Talk and Gender in Senior Management Business Meetings in the UK’. A key contention of that project was that women are under represented in leadership roles because, simply put, men and women talk differently. Or less simply put:

One key area we examine is why female leaders continue to be significantly under-represented in the workplace. A 2009 survey commissioned by the Equality and Human Rights Commission (EHRC) shows that only 12% of FTSE 100 directors in the UK are women (Sealy, Doldor and   Vinnicombe, 2009). While there are many reasons why this occurs – legal, economic and sociological – we contend that one possible reason for the lack of female leaders in the business world is socio-linguistic. That is, women may simply have a harder job than men to be effective through their talk: to be listened to, included in key decisions, taken seriously, and to influence the views of others effectively.

Hear hear! The research actually found that women were FOUR times more likely than men to be self deprecating, use humour and speak indirectly or apologetically when tackling difficult subjects with board members to avoid conflict. Baxter said she had heard one woman director, who had spoken only twice in a meeting, say:

“Sorry, sorry, I’m talking too much, I’m talking too much.”

Dr Baxter believes women use such language because they’re often heavily outnumbered on boards and so use a linguistic ‘second guessing’. I’ve written about this use of apologetic language before in Career Tips for Women but I am surprised to find it prevalent among women in senior posts. Examples include “Sorry to cut across you like that but…” and “I’m probably speaking out of turn, but…” (And previous research shows that both men and women think women talk most in meetings, when researchers have observed that men have talked the most).

Women Talk Differently

This type of language Dr Baxter calls double voice discourse or DVD. It’s the language she observed women using when facing criticism or handling conflict. She acknowledges that there are times when this could be appropriate, or used as a manipulative tool, but notes that this type of language use makes senior women appear weak and defensive.  They appear not to be in control and thus less authoritative.

Men were more comfortable with handling conflict, were more direct and didn’t take it personally; not so we women! Women in the survey avoided being confrontational and used a range of strategies to preserve their alliances. There were few differences in the actual language used, she noted, and Dr Baxter did not attribute this strategy to innate altruism in women, on the contrary- “They are doing it to achieve their own agenda“. It’s not a particularly successful strategy, yet it’s one we women use when outnumbered by men.

So it looks like we need to toughen up, to learn to speak our minds clearly and without fear. Being direct is the language men understand and if we want to get ahead we need to at least understand the language of male and plan our strategy accordingly!

Look out for an upcoming interview with Dr Baxter when we’ll hopefully learn more about this research, and importantly strategies for overcoming it! And women, do share how you feel about confrontational situations at work? Do you conform to this findings of this research? Do you recognise some of this either in yourself or colleagues?

If this topic is one close to your heart, come and join me for my brand new course in November 2011, at Bath’s Royal Crescent Hotel. Speak Up, get that seat on the board and be heard!

How to Raise Your Profile in 3 Simple Steps

Did you know it’s been estimated (Harvey Coleman’s research) that being good at your job counts for only 10% when it comes to getting promoted at work? (I bet some of you are nodding away now saying “So that explains how so and so is a manager!”)

A much more significant fact is if people actually know about you. You literally have got to put yourself out there! Raise your profile. Being visible and having people know who you are is worth a staggering 55%! If you want to get ahead get out there – literally!

3 Simple Steps You Can Take to Raise Your Profile

1. Do not remain the office recluse beavering away with your head down, the one who reliably does all the work while others go off promoting themselves. Volunteer to go to meetings and represent your department. Look out for appropriate opportunities to get away from your desk
2. Speak at those meetings. Do your research beforehand so you have something sensible to contribute.  Be solution focussed, not simply airing problems. You want to be noticed for the right reasons. If you’re shy, try to speak up early on. The longer you leave it to open your mouth the bigger hurdle it seems.
3. Join a professional or networking group for your professional area and use it. Either be an active on line contributor (you could start a LinkedIn group if there isn’t already one), or physically go to meetings and talk to people. Take time to invest in it.

That’s just three ideas to raise your profile but once you start to give the idea some thought you’ll come up with many more. Remember, it’s not enough to be good at what you do if no one knows about you. You’ve got to get out there and let them see! Be on the radar next time promotion is on the cards. Go on, let them know how fabulous you are; don’t keep it all to yourself!

Do share any thoughts you have on the subject of success at work. And if you’d like to work directly with me on this or any other topic, click personal development and find out more how our working together could benefit you..

Photo Credit: Gokoroko

First You Wobble, Then You Walk Tall!

There are loads of things, millions of things, gadzillions of things that once you couldn’t do.

And then you had a go at them, like walking, writing,  talking, swimming, riding a bike, starting school, making friends. Add your own.

At first you were wobbly. You had to practise. You needed a bit of help and support.

And then you became proficient.

And you grew your confidence and so you tried something else.

It’s no different now. You have to go through the wobbly stage to walk tall, in your career and your life. You may need a bit of support from time to time, so ask for it. It’s only a bit of wobbling, so go on, really push yourself and grow taller today!
Photo Credit: Simona Balint

A Job You Love?

“Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” So said Confucious and I who am I to disagree with him? I love my job - I have created the job of my dreams! First, of course, I had to work out what my dream job was!

I have loved other jobs in my time. And when I haven’t loved my job I’ve tried to find something loveable about it until I was able to get another. As long as I’ve had enough to pay the bills money has never been a great motivator for me. It rarely is. Money is no substitute if you hate your job, not in the longer term. And in work satisfaction surveys  money never comes top. It’s usually there, but it’s not number one.

Job of Your Dreams

You may not have found the job of your dreams yet; but don’t stop looking. And let’s not beat about the bush. It’s bloomin’ hard in the current economic climate to make changes. Great jobs are few and far between.

You can get ahead of the game though. Try not to be despondent and down hearted. Things will change. I know it feels like you can’t change anything yourself, and of course, that’s true on one level. But you can change how you react to what to what is happening in the external world. And don’t underestimate the power of your thinking in helping you make effective, lasting and positive change in your life. Along with actually doing something, of course!

Here’s one exercise to try to help you start preparing for your next move, and help you gain some control over your work situation.

• Grab hold of some kind of box, and if you wish cover it with images of work which inspire and motivate you. This is your ‘ideas and inspiration’ box and it’s a tangible reminder that you’re taking back some control.
• Start looking for jobs which you like the look of, in newspapers or on the internet. At this stage you’re not going to apply for them so they can be anywhere in the world. Don’t be constrained about meeting the requirements. Nothing is out of your league for this exercise. Go as high or low in salary and seniority as you like.
• Cut out/print off as many of them as you can and don’t censor yourself
• Collect all your cuttings together in your box
• Once you’ve got a good collection together read through them all at one sitting. Is a theme emerging? What is the common denominator? Are they ‘telling’ you something about your values? Is there an indication there that you need to add a qualification or two? Is that possible?

Once you’ve answered some of those questions you’ll have a good idea of what you next move might be, and you can start to make plans accordingly.

I have another exercise here which might help. And take a listen to my free audio download which you get immediately by clicking this link.

If you’d like some help and support making positive change in your life take a look at my 3Qi package. We can chat informally to see if it’s for you (01761 438749). And I’d love to know how you’ve found your dream job. Or if you’re still looking, what helps you through the daily grind?

Photo Credit: Sanja Gjenero

Shift Your Butt Day!

I love my job and one of the perks is that I get to know some amazing women and occasionally get given some great books to read. Professor Karen Pine combined the two; we did a fab interview together (click here to read it), and ever since she has sent me her books.  I have reviewed a couple of them*,  and others I often use when working directly with women.

I was reminded of the ‘Shift Your Butt’ exercise yesterday when running an in house seminar. I laughingly suggested that participants could try sitting somewhere else in the room after the break. Of course, they didn’t want to and resolutely stayed put. People rarely do. We get comfortable with our situation very quickly and even if we don’t much like the view, at least we know it!

Which is fine sometimes but resolutely staying put doesn’t lead to a life of growth, development and discovery. And more fun!

So, for one day only, why don’t you try the ‘Shift Your Butt’ Exercise?

Today, don’t sit anywhere you would normally sit. Whether it’s at the dining table, at work, watching TV or in a meeting, see the world from a different place.

Go on, give it a go! See what happens and do let me know.

*One of Karen’s books is reviewed here - Sheconomics .  You can read my book policy here but briefly if I don’t think books are helpful to you I don’t talk about them. I have a shelf full of books which didn’t make my grade.

Photo Credit: Juliane Riedl