Stay Young & Beautiful?

Joanna Lumley is 64 next month and I adore her (in my fantasies I pretend I look like her!) I like  her even more after reading her her comments in the current edition of the Radio Times.

I don’t usually buy the Radio Times ; my son gave me a copy, correctly predicting that the front page heading of ‘WOMEN POWER’ would be of interest to me, and he was right! It’s full of some interesting articles about being an older woman in our society. And as I am an older woman in our society, I was hooked.

BBC and Discrimination

It’s a well documented fact that women are discriminated against on grounds of looks (i.e. stay young forever and you’re OK) or just plain discrimination (Radio 4 producer saying women can’t ask the tough questions) but this article provides some evidence that the tide is beginning slowly to turn.

Says Joanna:
” I can’t talk generally about women, but no one patronises them like …journalists.  Because a lot of magazines are sold on fear (I presume she means all the guff on stopping getting old and the cult of thin), and women have been made to be very afraid. I couldn’t love men more but women have been second class citizens since time began,”

And later on in the interview:
“If you don’t look good, you’re out. But only women. Men can look like dogs’ bottoms“.

Your Thoughts

What do you think? I have referred to what I call ‘femageism‘ before and it is well illustrated in the world of TV and magazines.  Is this just an issue in the media? Have you ever worked anywhere where there was a different standard between men and women? Do you feel pressurised to look a certain way? I’d love to know what you think and hear about your experiences.

You can read more about that article by clicking this link.

Do You Bad Mouth You?

Take five minutes to think of the worst things you say to yourself and the effect it has on you.

Examples might be:

‘I have no willpower’.

‘I’m always late – I can’t get anywhere on time’.

‘I always fail interviews’.

‘I am so unattractive’.

Once you’ve identified that critical inner voice try this; for one week silence it. As soon as you hear yourself start carping, stop immediately.

It will do two things:

It will show you just how much time you spend putting yourself down

and

It will show you how much better you can feel when you stop nagging yourself.

Next Step- Replace the moaning and quietly say something good about yourself!

The No Quiz!

How many times do say yes when you want to say no?

How many of these thoughts which stop you saying no assertively, do you hold in your head?

• If I say no, they’ll never help me when I need it.
• If I say no, they won’t like me.
• If people don’t like me I’ll feel worthless and get fewer opportunities.
• My needs are not as important as theirs. They must take priority. I can’t say no.
• I mustn’t be rude or unhelpful (particularly if to a senior manager or older person).
• How dare they ask me that (prompts an aggressive response).
• These people are taking me for granted-I’ll show them. (Aggressive again).

If you ticked just one of these, take a look at my article on How to Say No. And if you have some tips to share on being more assertive, or found something that works well for you, please do share them with us!

Three Things for Friday!

No, I haven’t invented a new tongue twister (try saying it out loud!), just a quick exercise to maximise your learning from this week and help you realise how fabulous you are!

As you read this, follow the instructions.

Take a pen (or several coloured pens to boost your creativity) and without too much thinking write down:

1) Something new I learned this week.
(Examples- how to use a new IT programme, a piece of family history, how not to get cross when complaining…)

2) Someone new I met this week.
(Could be a new postie, a colleague on the phone, all sorts!)

3) Something I did really well this week.
(Don’t hide your light under any bushels! Did you help someone? Did you finish a tricky report? Did you cope well with a set back? Did you get some new business? Did you cheer up a friend?)

Now look down your list, give yourself an imaginary pat on the back and go off and enjoy you week end!

Swap Shoes Day!

Do you know the saying:

‘Grant that I may not criticise my neighbour until I have walked a mile in her moccasins’?

Try this for one day.

Next time someone is really driving you crazy at work or in your personal life, metaphorically swap shoes with them for one day.

Suspend your usual critical thoughts, voiced or not, and imagine the world from their viewpoint. Don’t put yourself under undue pressure to make changes; simply try and experience the world from their standpoint.

And see what the next day brings! You might find your empathy levels rising!

Decide Not to Decide!

I was coaching someone recently who was struggling with a difficult decision, hampered by her feelings that she ‘ought‘ to be being more assertive.

“You know”, I said “it is perfectly possible to be assertive and not make a decision. Simply decide you’re not making a decision right now!”

Sometimes we get so caught up in looking at all the pros and cons that we can’t see anything with clarity. While coaching obviously helps provide that focus, sometimes the confusion is there for a good reason; it may just be the wrong time for you to make this decision. So, unless you have a particularly tight deadline, assert your right not make one!