Could Mondays Change Your Life?

Here’s a quick exercise to help you make this week really count!

It’s Monday, most people are back from holiday, schools are back, the traffic is flowing fast and furiously again and soon the shops will be full of seasonal delights! Time passes pretty fast, doesn’t it?

So make this week count. Don’t let it pass you by in a haze of things you always do. Don’t live the next seven days without thought. Take about 30 minutes out of your schedule now to think about something you can do each day of this coming week which will either enhance the quality of your life, or the life of someone else. They don’t need to be big things, nothing dramatic, but they do need to be things you have given some thought to.

Actions Speak louder Than Thoughts!

For example, you may decide to send a delightful card to cheer someone who is unwell? Or you may decide to find out just what is your position re a sabbatical from work? Or you may buy a bunch of flowers for someone who helped you last week? Sign up for a class which will give you an edge in your field? Work out how much you really need to live on? Plan in some time to discuss your future with your partner? Actually read that self help book? Give it a little thought and jot the seven actions down – writing helps reinforce intention.

And in amongst the seven, there may be one small thing you do which may set you off on a brand new, exciting path. Maybe, just maybe, this week will be a significant date for you when you didn’t just do what you’ve always done….and changed your life!

Do share any thoughts with us!

The Harassed Manager’s Guide to Change

This is an extract from a small book I wrote for participants when running change workshops for managers. I hope you find it useful. It’s a short, light hearted and practical look at managing staff through change, with practical, down to earth exercises that work – and no jargon!

The book is dedicated to all of those front line managers and small business owners faced with an organisational or business change to implement. Whether it’s of your making or not you will have to take the flak, even when you’re feeling as fed up as everyone else. Read this when you are expected to know all the answers, when you must look in control, even when you’re screaming inside; this is your book!

CHAPTER ONE

‘Cometh the hour cometh the man’…or woman… or anyone, please?

OK, so the powers that be have just told you about their latest initiative and how wonderful the world will be once their new plan/reorganisation/merger/ acquisition is put into place. You front line managers, they tell you, have nothing to worry about because a team of consultants are coming in to manage the change and you will get all the information you need as and when. Just go back and let your team know that change is afoot, oh and by the way, don’t let productivity fall off and keep everyone happy, absence levels down and all the staff on board with the new plan!

Or maybe you are the owner of a small business and have just announced some significant changes to your business like relocation, or a new customer care system. At this stage you may know where you want to get to but not be entirely sure of the route. And your employees are looking at you for answers…

Of course, this being the real world your team or employees probably already knows that something is afoot and will have been discussing it amongst themselves for ages. Already the rumour mill will have been grinding on.

It is really important that you set the right tone right from the beginning even if you may think there is nothing you can usefully say at the moment. But can you just say you don’t know yet?

No Creative Speechifying

Well, yes you can actually. If you start with the ‘creative speechifying’ now you will only tie yourself up in knots later on when it becomes obvious that you don’t know. It is really important at this early stage to establish your credibility so I suggest the following:

Actions
1) Get everyone together as soon as you can. Whenever it is at all possible do difficult communication face to face, or rather your face to their faces. E mail is cowardly and open to misinterpretation, doctoring, and can be sent across the world in the blink of an eye. Don’t do it.

2) It is important now to establish the tone for all future discussions so be as honest as you are can. Tell them that you will meet with them regularly to update them and take questions (because you will, won’t you) and as far as you are able you will tell them everything you can. Tell them that you will invite questions both now and after they have had time to absorb the information.

3) If they are very quiet at this stage don’t be misled. They are probably in shock and have not yet fully absorbed what they have been told. When you leave the room you will probably hear a lot of discussion immediately strike up behind you but don’t take it personally. Never take it personally. You are the immediate face of management and their representative on earth so you will get some flak, but don’t take it personally. This will require some practice….

4) While you still have some energy set up your own support network. You will need it, preferably with some managers or business owners in the same position. Make spaces in your diary now and commit to getting together regularly to share information, coping strategies and handkerchiefs. Go to that next business/management networking event and find someone with experience of this. Or use formal support like a coach.

5) Look up the details of any staff counselling/welfare service or anything offered locally. Even if you don’t need it someone will soon. You might even give them a call to check that someone has remembered to warn them of the likely increase in calls to their service. Maybe even arrange a date to get them in to tell your team what they can offer? If you run a small business try your local support group or Business Link to see if they can offer anything.

6). Go home. You’ve had a tiring day.

Three Words About You!

How’s your self esteem these days?

Try this quick personal development exercise:

Who are you? Describe yourself in a paragraph. Pick three words from that paragraph that stand out.

What do those three words say about your self esteem? Are they positive? Neutral? Or derogatory?

What would you like your three words to be?

Amaze Yourself!

Will you do something amazing this week?

So here we are in the dog days of summer, and in the UK at least a bank holiday week end is in the offing. Lost of people are on holiday, you get loads of ‘out of office’ replies, and no one seems to be around to do any meaningful work.

For those of us at work it can be a really dead time, or it can be a time you really make work for you! When you start on the road to achieving your dreams!

Dreams

The end  of August always feels like the end of the year for me – too long in the world of education I guess! September still feels like the start of a new term; all the excitement of new school clothes, bags, pencils, protractors (that dates me, who has those now?) and books full of blank pages to write upon!

Can you use this week to amaze yourself? To put something worthwhile on the next blank page in your book? Take the time to do something for you. To really think about what you want to achieve over the next few months?

In this relatively slack time, can you spare a moment to set yourself some goals this week, maybe one small thing to do each day that will stand you in good stead, and take you nearer where you want to be?

Unfulfilling Work

Maybe work is not fulfilling at the moment, but it pays the bills and it’s a tough economic climate so alternatives are thin on the ground. But now is a good time to take stock of what you really want to do with your life. And get prepared so that when the climate improves, as it will, you are ready to roll!

Love your job

Perhaps you love your work, whatever it is, and want to improve and progress. Where do you want to be? What opportunities might there be for you to progress? If not right now, when things improve? Can you gain some experience that will help? Do you need to sign up for an evening class? Get some mentoring? Shadow someone in the organisation? Join a networking group?

Retirement Dreams

Or maybe you have some long held dreams about what your retirement will be like? Have you done anything practical towards achieving those? Do you know what is possible? Have you shared your dreams with your ‘significant other’? Write down what it is you want and then use this week to take those first steps towards achieving it.

You Are Amazing!

Go on, amaze yourself! Make this week count. Don’t waste this time, take some control of your future now and plan to live the life you want!

Why Do Female Doctors Earn Less?

Lying in bed reading the newspapers is my indulgent Sunday morning activity although often the stories make me splutter into my tea.

One such was this report on female doctors hitting a glass ceiling in the UK -this link will take you to the story.

Why?

Splutter over, I mused on what makes it so, particularly the comment that ‘women do not put themselves forward’. There are lots of obvious reasons like child care etc but actually, although most people now would not dispute that women are equally as capable as men, the world of working practices has not caught up.

Change The Way We Work

Work and working practices have been designed by men and suit men. Historically it’s how it happened. Women and ethnic minorities were not around when the basic principles were established. But if we were to design many of our old established professions to suit BOTH genders (not just make them female friendly which sounds somewhat patronising, but really think about a system that is open to everyone in our society), I believe the equality issue would fade. Modern companies that have taken this more inclusive route have found that both women AND men benefit.

What Do You Think?

Do you think your profession/job/career would be significantly different if both genders had devised the working remit? Please do share your thoughts with us.

Stop Talking to Your Partner!

Well, not entirely… maybe that should read stop talking AT your partner!

Sometimes with coaching the client starts in one place and together we end up somewhere completely different. Thus, a session that begins with an overview of a work related problem can end up being much more about personal issues.

Communication Breakdown

And so it was with Coral*. Coral came to coaching for help with issues communicating at work; as we worked together we discovered that many of her fears stemmed from a break down in communication with her partner. This had resulted in a loss of confidence in other areas of her life which was affecting how she related to her colleagues.

Root Cause

With her permission, we headed back to the main cause of her loss of confidence. Communication between her and her partner had degenerated into a series of instructions for household management, along with a plethora of repetitive, inconsequential, circular arguments.

A minor issue would develop into something larger with neither listening to the other. Instead, each would launch into their own well rehearsed argument. During our sessions, Coral realised that she didn’t actually listen to her partner as she was sure she knew what he was going to say. So, instead of giving her partner any attention she was busy using his talking time composing her next riposte. She heard him talking but she wasn’t connecting to what he was saying. Their was no communication, more a series of ‘positions’ offered with each interrupting and cutting across the other. And she was equally convinced that he ‘never’ listened to her.

The Plan

Together we worked on a strategy for breaking this cycle. She couldn’t change her partner’s behaviour (at least not directly) but she could change her own.

First, she had to overcome her feelings of resentment (childlike ego state) and move to a more adult perspective of her partnership. Coral began to realise that attributing her feelings to her partner was counter productive; he didn’t MAKE her feel anything. She felt the way she did because of all the myriad things that had made her the unique person she was. Her feelings were her own responsibility and she could exercise some control over how she felt. This freed her up to make the first move as she moved from a combative mindset to one focussed on improving her relationship.

And her first task was to listen, really listen to what he was saying. To listen without judging, without feelings of resentment, without feeling a need to justify. It’s easier said than done (or actually not said!) but with the support of coaching she persevered. Instead of coming back at him with her own snappy retorts, she paid him attention. She was respectful and acknowledged his views, without necessarily agreeing with him.

Cease Fire

As her partner realised he was being listened to, his behaviour began to change too. Gradually they began to talk as adults, each taking responsibility, about the future of their relationship.

Happy Ever After…?

Of course, it wasn’t just happy ever after immediately, this is a true story, not a fairy tale! But it did break the cycle and it did give Coral a feeling of being in control of her life. And that percolated through to her working life. Taking some control of issues at home allowed her to see work issues with a fresh eye and she applied some of the listening techniques to her professional life, with good results. And feeling better about work helped her at home…a virtuous circle.

Coaching

If you have an issue you think our working together could help, give me a call on 01761 438749 or email me if you prefer.

*Of course, Coral is not her real name, and several details have been changed to maintain client confidentiality